On Friday the thirteenth, an unlucky night,

Our Ma ended up in a heck of a plight.

She slipped and fell on a banana skin,

And back through the door came hobbling in.

'Come on, lads, quick, let's get her inside

And phone for an ambulance!'  Father cried,

'Tell them she's fallen and busted her knee,'

And turning to Ma, said, 'Go make us some tea!'

When Mother calmed down, the ambulance came

And took her to hospital, oh!  What a shame,

For the story went round (as tales usually do)

That Mother had slipped 'On a nana skin too!'

The doctors and nurses all gathered around,

All trying to hide a big grin with a frown,

Then the doctor consulted the X ray bloke

And turning to Ma said, 'Your kneecap's broke.'

They prodded and poked it and set it as well,

And cast it in plaster from toes up to well!

So Mother came home, as usual, plastered,

And young Denis laughed, the callous young sod!

To cheer Mother up our David decided

Music would do, so a song he provided,

But Mother sat there in anger frozen,

Cause Banana Boat Song was the record he'd chosen.

Young Anne then arrived with a lovely big box

Of Black Magic for Mother, her favourite chocs.

When Mother asked 'Why did you buy these for me?'

'Cause I can't find a bunch of bananas!' said she.

Now no relaxation our poor Mother got,

With everyone writing their names on her pot,

Like Hazel and Jason and Kilroy woz ere,

Which didn't quite match with the rest of her gear.

Young Vincent was singing about Jake the Peg

While Mother sat there with her potted leg.

Now the moral is this, I hasten to say:

An APPLE a day keeps the doctor away!