“Get out of bed, breakfast’s ready and you’ll be late for school!”

Now, where’s his lunchbox, still in his schoolbag?  I told the little bugger to take it out last night and wash it.  Oh my God, what’s that, yesterday’s tuna sandwich, shit, it stinks.  He’d better use mine while I soak his in bleach, the lazy little bastard.

“Are you up yet?”  I’ll just have to buy my lunch today.  More expense!   Note to self:  buy a spare lunchbox.

“Eat your breakfast.  What do you mean, you don’t like porridge?  You loved it last week.  Eat it now or you’ll get it served up for dinner tonight.  And did you wash behind your ears and clean your teeth?”

“What note?  Oh here it is, dated 2 weeks ago.  You need to take in a photo of each member of the family for a project you’re doing today.  Left it a bit late, haven’t we sunshine?  I’m not going to start going through the albums right now, so forget it.”

“No my lad, you might have promised we’d call round and pick up Jimmy to give him a lift to school, but you should have thought of that 10 minutes ago.  I’m not making any detours, I’m going to be late for work as it is.  And take that look off your face!”

I need to go into work so I can take a break from being a Mum.  What with all the pressure from the boss to turn out top quality work at breakneck speed, it’s not the easiest job in the world, but it’s a doddle compared with looking after a 10 year old son.  God help me when he hits his teens and turns into a real problem!

Lunch time at last, but no time to relax, have to hit the supermarket.  Queue at the express checkout 2 miles long.  And what part of 12 items or less don’t these bloody morons understand?

“Thank you Madam, have a nice day.”  Strained smile.  “You too.”

Now for the Post Office, must pay the gas bill or they’ll cut me off.  Oh good, there are only 20 people in the queue, with one person on the counter.

“Sorry it took so long dear, but the EFTPOS machine is playing up today.  Be sure and have a nice day!”  Grumpy silence from me.

Now the sandwich shop.  Must get something non messy so I can eat it at my desk while I’m catching up on those reports, no time to sit and eat in the park today.

“Here’s your sandwich Ma’am, sorry we’ve run out of the focaccia but I’m sure you’ll enjoy the wholemeal bread instead.  It was Vegemite you wanted on it?  Thank you Madam, have a nice day.”  Don’t tell me to have a nice day.  I’ll have a shit of a day if I feel like it, so there!

Had to really grovel with the boss to let me leave early today to pick up Jeremy from school.  My sister usually gets him, but she’s gone to Mandurah today with the club.  All these bloody cars, how on earth will I find a place to park where I can spot him coming out of school?  Oh well, round the corner and 2 streets away.  Now I’ll sit on the wall and wait for him.  God almighty, the other kids have all gone.  Where’s Jeremy?  Has he been kidnapped, or been given detention?  I’ll kill him!

“Sorry Mrs Jones, I didn’t see you sitting there.  I’m afraid Jeremy got a lift home with Jayden because he couldn’t find you waiting when he left his classroom.  Oh, you were having parking problems too, were you?  Oh well, I expect he’s at home now waiting for you.  Have a nice day.”

It’s alright for you to say have a nice day, you little floozy.  When I went to school my teachers were right over the hill and halfway down the other side.  Now they look like entrants in the Miss Universe contest, with skirts up to their crotch and more cleavage than Marilyn Monroe and Jayne Mansfield rolled into one.

“Jeremy, why didn’t you wait for me, you knew I’d be there.  You should have known I’d be out of my mind with worry!  And what are all these kids doing here? You said they could swim in our pool?  And who’s supposed to supervise you all?”

God give me strength!  Now I’m babysitting half his class.

Next, washing to do, then hang it out, hope it doesn’t rain before morning.  Dunno what I’m going to do for dinner, I don’t feel like cooking after the day I’ve had.  Then spend some quality time with my only begotten son, helping him with his homework for an hour, then the usual nightly argument over bedtime.  I might just get in an hour of TV before I have to hit the sack myself.

And if anybody else dares to tell me to have a nice day I’ll rearrange their face!