Energy Breakthrough:

Scientists at the Picard Energy Research Institute today announced that the long awaited Matter Transfer Beam would be fully online by the end of next year.  This will revolutionise all forms of transport, rendering them obsolete.  Protests from affected workers are anticipated, but their welfare is being carefully considered.

Bugs Ironed Out of New MTB's:

The World's Governments have given clearance to the use of MTB's after the compulsory failsafe chip has been installed in every terminal.  This follows public outrage at three men being materialised in two places at once.  Meanwhile, Rodney Rude, the controversial Australian comedian, is recovering from the mob attack on him, following his public performance of an old song, re-written to include the tasteless lyrics, 'I left my heart in San Francisco, I left my knees in County Down.  I left my liver and my feet out there on Downing Street, and left my dick in Camden Town.'  He will not be allowed out of the maximum security wing at RPA Hospital until he signs a promise never to perform that song in public again.

A New Dawn:

Today brings the dawn of a new era for mankind with the release to the general public of the Matter Transfer Beam.  The MTB will gradually replace most forms of transport, including planes, trains and automobiles, ships and space vehicles, etc., drastically reducing the cost of many everyday items because of virtually non-existent freight charges.  The event was marked by a mass strike by transport workers worldwide.

Drivers Thrown on Dole:

The thousands of workers who lost their jobs after the release of the MTB will today be holding International rallies to protest against the transport revolution.  These workers include truckies, chauffeurs, airline pilots, train drivers, ships captains, NASA astronauts, plus many ancillary workers, prominent among them the millions of transport café cooks and waitresses.

Middle East Rumblings:

The oil Sheikhs of Kuwait today declared a Jihad (a Holy War) against the worldwide use of MTB's claiming that revenues from oil production have decreased to the point where the former oil producing countries are suffering widespread abject poverty.  It is reported that the Sheiks are about to be reduced to the same appalling living conditions as their long suffering subjects, but this rumour has been dismissed as inflammatory propaganda.

MTB's Attacked:

In an astounding development, twelve suicide bombers yesterday attacked and destroyed ten MTB stations, all of them situated in the USA.  OPEC has claimed responsibility for the synchronised attacks, announcing that they would unleash a reign of terror if these 'Machines of the Devil' were allowed to continue taking the bread out of the mouths of the worlds starving masses. 

Public Announcement:

The West Australian will continue monitoring the situation, bringing you the latest developments, and will not be intimidated into re-hiring newspaper delivery boys.  Your daily paper will continue to arrive at your personal MTB station despite the many threats received by the Editor.