PART 1

PC Plod's feet were hurting him.  He'd been walking his beat for seven hours with only a half-hour for lunch, and the last thing he needed was to have to investigate some kid accused of shoplifting a bloody hanky.  It'd take him forever to write up the paper work, so he'd never get home in time for the match on TV.

Look at the kid, teary and trembling, trying to look innocent.  Hard to be impartial sometimes.

The little procession headed up the stairs to the office where the store manager awaited them, the floorwalker in his dark suit first, followed by the girl, only young, wearing cheap jeans and a T-shirt.  Her face would have been pretty at any other time, but now it was blotchy with her tears.  PC Plod brought up the rear as they entered the office.  The store manager, in a red woollen suit with a white satin blouse, was seated behind an enormous desk, just designed for prestige.  (Or to intimidate shoplifters, thought PC Plod.)

He took a seat opposite the girl, so she wouldn't feel intimidated by his size, rule number one when interrogating young ladies.

'Now then,' he began.  'I understand the floor walker here caught you placing a handkerchief from the display into your pocket.  Do you have anything to say?'

'It was an accident,' she cried.  'I wasn't putting it into my pocket.  I was reaching in for my purse to pay for it, and I fumbled it.'

'A likely story!' the floorwalker spat at the girl, and turned to PC Plod.  'Her purse was in her other pocket,' he proclaimed smugly.

Oh dear, this was going to be another of those borderline cases, thought Plod.  If I book her, the magistrate will take pity on her youth and her tears, and let her off with a caution, then have a go at me for wasting the court's time.  If I don't, that snooty store manager with her fancy hairdo and heart of stone will complain to my sergeant, and I'll be in trouble again.  Why me?

 

PART 2

 

This wasn't happening to me!  I wasn't trying to steal his lousy hanky.  I'd rather use tissues anyway.  'It was an accident,' I cried.  'I wasn't putting it into my pocket.  I was reaching in for my purse to pay for it, and I fumbled it.'

'A likely story!' the floorwalker screamed at me, and turned to the police officer.  'Her purse was in her other pocket,' he accused.

If I could get a word with the cop without Shagnasty filling him with lies I should be OK.  I'd have to tell the truth.

Oh God, I'd had to face all those people watching them march me up to the office like a common criminal.  Here we go, he looks like a reasonable sort of bloke for a cop.  I hope he has the sense God promised a doorknob!

'Look, officer, I know you only have my word for it against his,' and I pointed to Shagnasty, the floor walker, 'But I'm telling you the truth, and that's something you won't get from him.'

'OK, dry your eyes and tell me exactly what happened.'

'I came in here to see him, to ask him - to tell him - I wanted to know...'

'Look love, calm down a bit, take a deep breath and start again.  Take your time, there's no rush.'

'OK.  Im going to have a baby, his son's baby, but John - his son - has been sent to another branch to get him away from me, and HE won't tell me where.  I have to see John to tell him about the baby - his baby - he doesn't know, but HE won't tell me where he is.' I could feel my voice rising to a wail, but I couldn't seem to help myself.  The cop offered me a cup of water, and waited until I drank a bit before motioning me to continue.

I took a deep breath and went on.  'I was getting up the nerve to confront him, and started crying, 'cos I knew he was going to call me names again.  He calls me a slut because I'm going with his son.  I must have used one of the hankies from the display to dry my eyes, and stuffed it in my pocket by mistake.  Look, it's all wet!'  I held it out to the cop.  HE must have thought I was trying to steal... no!'  I shouted as the horrible thought struck me.  'No, he knows I didn't mean to steal it.  He's trying to get me a criminal record so that John won't marry me!'

Well, they checked with John, and he backed me up, so they took my word for it, and dropped the shoplifting charge.  Pity they went and charged me with assault.  Still, it was worth it to see Shagnasty's nose bent like that.  And he lost his job because of trying to frame a customer.  John says he'll wait for me to finish my sentence, but with in-laws like that waiting for me, I'm not so sure I want him to!