This oil she covered me with is making me sweat.  Bloody baby oil!  I can see I'll have to get a new bird, one what's more sensitive to what a bloke really needs.  I mean, she's decorative, but if she was on Sale of the Century, up against a house plant, I'd put me money on the geranium!

Maybe there might be a bit of talent here tonight?  Nah!  I think that every night, and what do I get to choose from?  A bunch of raving loonies screaming at a bare chest.  Some nights I'm afraid to drop me daks.  I see them panting after me like a pack of hounds and I'm the fox.

These other four aren't much help, pushing me into the line of fire again.

Jeez, that old blonde bag's here again.  I'm glad it's Julian she's coming to see.  I wonder if she'd feel the same if she knew his real name's Bert Entwhistle?

Here goes the music, unzip the zip, drop the daks, turn around so they can get an eyeful of me bum.  Look at em, screaming for me to drop me keks too.  Well, sod em, they're not getting a look at MY Willie!