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How to climb the social ladder:
1. A nice phone is a pre-requisite. Buy a stolen one from Quiapo and say you got it from a relative from the States.
2. Do not eat for one whole day so that you can afford a beverage from Starbucks.
3. If really broke, order a glass of water and just loiter at Starbucks. Being seen is what's important.
4. Rip off the tags of your clothes which are cheap. That way you can lie and say they're from the states or from a new
Tommy hilfiger collection.
5. Shop for fake branded gear at Greenhills. They're fake but if you are a really good social climber, your rich friends
won't notice.
6. Never say that you don't have money. Say that you don't have cash right now. Most rich people are guillible enough
and might treat you to a restaurant or activity that you would never afford in a hundred years.
7. Never, I repeat never, invite your rich friends to your house. This is taboo. If you do, they will immediately find
out about your lowly social standing. Be vague when asked about your address and give answers like, "I'm staying at my
pad right now but I don't know 'till when. Kasi I might go home to our hacienda in the province.".
8. Know the jargon. Rich people have a "dialect" that only they can understand. But beware that this is difficult
to do if you have very dark skin. Familiarize yourself with words and phrases like "THINGY, OMIGOSH" and the like.
9. Avoid giving too much details about your family. It might hurt your social climbing if your father is a low ranking
employee of one of your friends' rich fathers.
10. Rich people are usually mentally weak. Be a sycophant and kiss their asses at every opportunity. That way you can
get free stuff like clothes (or if you're a really good brownnoser even electronics!) and be treated to a lot of expensive
places.
HAPPY SOCIAL CLIMBING, SOCIAL CLIMBERS!
The 3diots are back with more tips for you social climbers on how to climb the social ladder!!!
1. Always get brochures from trendy restaurants. Memorize the menu so that when you actually go there with your rich
friends, you can order from the top of your head and look as if you eat there all the time.
2. Ask for pictures from your rich friends when they go to exotic locations. That way, you can tell a different circle
that you were with them at that time and got stuck taking the pictures because you lost a game of cards. This enhances the
“Moneyed” image you want to uphold.
3. Be “maselan”. Always say “I don’t eat this or don’t do that”.
A proclamation of having a lot of allergies also makes you look wealthy.
4. The best excuses of not having a high end vehicle or a car at all are: 1. Your father confiscated your license or
2. you prefer to be chauffered around. Never forget to steal 100 pesos a day from your peon parents to fund your taxi rides.
5. If caught doing something the rich would never do (Such as eating at a carinderia or shopping at SM surplus shop),
do not panic. Instead, laugh casually and say you were just “slumming” to get a better perspective of
life. Not only does it save you from the embarrassment, it also makes you look like an insightful individual.
That’s it for now! Happy social climbing wannabees!
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