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Egotism is the art of seeing in yourself
what others cannot see.
George V. Higgins
The ego has been defined in many ways. In the following
definitions, we are examining the ego as our identity in the human realm.
 | The ego is our identity. It is who we believe ourselves to be. It is
our reference point, and our home in the world. |
| The ego is individuality. As our identity, it sets us apart from
other people's identities. To provide our sense of being separate from other
people and from the world in general, the ego creates ego boundaries. In
that separateness, our ego distinguishes itself as being unique. |
| The ego is a center of consciousness. It gives us a perspective from
which we perceive the world. |
| The ego is an executive. It makes decisions. It implements our will. |
| The ego is an organizer. It makes a distinction between the inner
world and the outer world, and it notes our perceptions from both. By
conceptualizing, labeling, and organizing those perceptions, it tries to
make sense of them. It files them in various contexts, where we can make
considerations regarding their value, potential threat or benefit. |
| The ego is an interface. Just as our physical body is an interface
with the physical world, the ego is a non physical interface primarily with
the human world of society and individuals. The interface has both an inflow
and an outflow:
 | Outflow. The ego is a transformer and interpreter, transmitting ideas
from our self into the world in a form that is understandable and
appropriate. |
| Inflow. The ego translates incoming information from the human world
such that our daily experiences are comprehensible and meaningful and
educational. |
| The ego is a mediator.
| It mediates in our inner world. It strives to resolve conflicts among the
other parts of the psyche, including the subconscious mind, subpersonalities,
and so on. |
| It mediates between our inner world and the outer world of people and
circumstances. |
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The ego is a symbol. It is a collection of images and thoughts and
conceptual models that represents us to ourselves. As a symbol, the ego
associates itself with other symbols such as those of prestige, success,
power, and pride. If we value prosperity, we might acquire an expensive car,
not because we need it, but because it represents prosperity. The ego seeks fulfillment
in the symbolic goods that it acquires, and it seeks immortality
through the symbolic goods that it produces. The ego does not experience
anything directly. It is in a sterile world of concepts and symbols, and it
can only interpret the experiences and input from such sources as the body,
the senses, the feelings, the true self and so on.
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The ego is a pattern. It is our continuity. The ego says, "I am
this type of person". This continuity gives the ego a sense of security
and stability, but it is an ungrounded sense, because there is actually
constant change. The continuity is sustained through various means:
| Our memories are somewhat constant, because they refer to events that
are frozen in history, and because we are unconsciously selective in
remembering occurrences that support our concepts about ourselves. Reality
actually exists in the constantly changing world of present events. |
| Our self image is relatively stable, because it is based on static
ideas rather than on our ever changing feelings and thoughts. Reality
actually exists in our constantly changing world of thoughts and feelings
and other personal events. |
| Our habits suggest, through their repetitiveness, that we are indeed
a particular kind of person. Reality actually exists in our constantly
changing world of our current actions. |
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| The ego is a sentry. It analyses situations as threatening or
beneficial, largely on the basis of the impact to its images of us, but also
to the resources that allow it to operate in the human world. It reacts to
insults, damage to its symbols, and challenges to its circumstances and
habits, physical or mental. Threats to the body are managed largely by
instinct such as the fight-or-flight impulse. If we are being mugged by an
armed robber who wants our money, the ego needs to be monitored because its
design may contain elements that would cause us to be less concerned with the
body's well-being than with the indignity that is being inflicted, and those
elements can lead us to lash out with words or actions that would antagonize
the robber and cause him or her to hurt us instead of simply taking our money. |
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The ego is composed of particular elements from within every design.
We
may identify ourselves as a husband and a computer programmer, thus the ego
includes elements from what we may call our spouse design and our employee
design.
The benefits of a healthy ego
For many people receiving psychotherapy, the task is to strengthen the ego to
develop a sense of individuality, independence, self esteem, self respect,
personal boundaries, assertiveness, presence, values, separation from parents,
conviction of opinions and perspectives, specific tastes and preferences and
freedom from contrary inner psychological forces that would dominate the ego.
When we have these qualities, we have an ego that can be termed well developed,
well defined, or strong.
A well developed ego is beneficial in many ways:
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We can approach people from a position of strength and abundance and
vigor, rather than from neediness and emptiness. We can build relationships
between two whole people, rather than trying to manipulate the other person
into filling our voids. If we have a weak ego, we need to gain the assurance
of other people. To gain that assurance, we betray our own identity and we
manipulate other people. We can be open and sensitive because our strong ego
boundaries protect us against the everyday insults and injustices from other
people and from the self condemnation that would be inflicted by ourselves if
we had dysfunctional elements in the ego's design. |
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We can be unpretentious. Half of humility is knowing what we are not, the
other half is knowing what we are. Humility is based on an accurate perception
of ourselves, neither inflated nor degraded. A well defined ego is fulfilling
and comfortable. A weak ego uses conceit, arrogance, and pomposity to try to
compensate for its lack of fulfillment and comfort. |
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We can be consistent, stable, and trustworthy in our
behavior. Our ego
is in charge, with its steady repertoire of particular traits. As long as we
manage the ego properly, we do not develop conflicting elements that will need
to be expressed. We are likewise protected from external influences. We know
ourselves, so we are not easily swayed by people who try to persuade us with
their opinions. |
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We can endure input from the other parts of the psyche, and from
other
people. While we are not overcome by the internal and external influences,
we can accept the valid input from them. A weak ego necessarily closes itself
off, to protect itself. A fully formed ego stays intact when it considers the
opposing perspectives of our potential, our true self, and the opposing ideas
that are presented by other people. An undeveloped ego has empty spaces such as
in a poorly defined relationship with our parents so the other parts of the
psyche rush in to fill the spaces. The inner child could fill that void with
some repressed anger from our childhood. |
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 We can create effective personas.
When we have a clear sense of who we
are, our persona that presents who we are to the world, can be crisp and
definitive and genuine. A vague ego can create only a vague persona, that lacks
energy, attractiveness, and distinct attributes with which people can interact.
Even our appearance is improved, with a relaxed grace of movement, eyes that are
bright and alert, and a smiling face.
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We can endure transcendence of the ego. This is our goal as we seek
personal fulfillment. As Jack Engler, Harvard psychologist said, "You
have to be somebody before you can be nobody". You need a strong ego before
you can properly transcend the ego. With transcendence comes peace of mind,
broader perspectives on life, a type of spiritual consummation, and a calming of
the ego's storms that resulted from our misunderstanding and misapplication of
the function and range of the ego.
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Maintaining a healthy ego.
Many psychological problems are related to the ego, specifically deficiencies
in self esteem and identity. To create a healthy ego, we enhance the following
qualities:
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Independence. We establish our own income and housing and other
foundations of adult life. We are emotionally independent, feeling free to
love, and to seek sources of love in our own way, and intellectually
independent in developing our own viewpoints. We realize however, that we do
need people in order to be a complete person, so we find a balance between
independence and interdependence. |
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Self esteem. We believe that we have innate value and that we have a
right to be alive. |
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Personal boundaries. We are not co-dependent, so we can draw the line
to distinguish our own interests, feelings, and responsibilities. We create a
private, secure inner world in which we can be whatever we want to be, free to
think, to imagine, to love, and to feel. Well defined boundaries not only help
to define that which is ours to defend, but they also indicate to us what is
not ours so that we are not wasting time and energy in confrontations over
issues that are none of our business. Our boundaries can be adjusted to allow
friends to be close to us. Ideally, we have had parents and friends who have
respected our boundaries and helped us to define and defend them. Our
boundaries may have been damaged if we have experienced abuse, shame, or a
lack of discipline, privacy, or self esteem. |
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Assertiveness. We practice the means of expressing ourselves, and also
the means of protecting ourselves against other people's assertiveness. We are
in this world for a reason, and we know that our perspectives and actions are
important in the overall pattern of life, so we need to assert ourselves in
order to share what is ours to be shared. |
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Presence. When we are where we are supposed to be, we have a sense of
belonging here, and of having a right to be here, instead of indulging in
excessive shyness and uncertainty. Even when we are not talking or doing
anything, people notice us, because our sheer willingness to be a part of it
all grants a degree of charisma. |
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Values.
We discover what is important to us, and we work to achieve
goals that are aligned to those values. |
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Conviction of opinions and perspectives.
In the issues of our personal
life and of society, we know what we believe, and why we believe it. We are
not defensive or combative in defending our opinions, because we realize that
other people are equally entitled to their positions, and we enjoy learning
from our debates and our differences. |
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Specific tastes and preferences. Using our feelings as a guide, we
realize that we like French food, red roses, white wine, jazz, Picasso's art,
fast cars, professional baseball games, hiking in the woods, or trout fishing.
In every new situation, we refer to our feelings to lead us toward one choice
or another. From these choices, we create a rich assortment of likes and
dislikes. We are fun to be around, because we have enthusiasm for a diverse
variety of activities. |
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Freedom from overwhelming complexes and sub-personalities.
When we
learn to accept input from complexes and sub-personalities without being
overpowered by them they all have something to contribute. When we honor them, and manage them well, we are not repressing their power and then being
subjected to their eruptions. |
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Individuality. We have relationships with people and with humanity in
general, but we do not lose our sense of distinction. While in a relationship,
we have a sense of we, but we also have a strong sense of I. We do not abandon
our own individuation process for the relationship.
We create our individuality, and the ego through processes by which we
separate ourselves:
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We separate ourselves from other people. Many psychologists believe
that an infant lives in a world in which everything is experienced as a part
of itself. The infant and its mother, and everything else, are in a state of
oneness. There is no substantial ego, so the infant's responses are
instinctive, not ego driven. Instead of having a strong ego, the infant is
said to reside within its self, and has only begun to divide itself into the
components of the psyche. The ego truly starts to develop when the infant
recognizes its mother as something separate from itself. This separateness
becomes apparent whenever the mother does not respond to the infant's will.
The result is the awakening of human consciousness. We spend the rest of our
lives refining our sense of self and others. We learn through our increasing
understanding of individuation, boundaries, assertiveness, tolerance,
general socialization, and other areas in which our ego stands in contrast
to another person's ego.
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| We separate ourselves from our parents. We claim our adulthood by
assuming the responsibilities that once belonged to our parents, the
responsibilities for such things as our protection, health, financial well-being, and sense of worth. Our parents' will can no longer trigger our
fear or rebellion or submission. We can relate to our parents in an
adult-to-adult relationship. |
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We separate the ego from other parts of the psyche. Our ego is
developed as we discover or decide what type of person we are, our likes and
dislikes, our habits, our outlooks, our personal tastes and style, and so on.
The contrary traits are rejected into our potential. In addition to separating
itself from the potential, the ego distinguishes itself from the other
elements of the psyche.The ego is only one part of our self.
Traditional psychotherapy views the ego as our identity with the goal of
adapting this ego to function well within ourselves and within society. In order
to be successful this adaptation must be controlled by our true self.
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The ego
has a limited function.
When we believe that the ego is our only identity, we
naturally assign all administrative functions to it, including our small choices
such as deciding how to react to an indignity, and our big choices such as our
direction in life, including career and relationships. Throughout our life, much
of our frustration and failure occur because the ego has accepted duties for
which it is unqualified and for which it has no authority, hence the conflicts
when the ego tries to impose its will. The ego lacks the information,
perspective, and power that are available to the true self. There is no reason
to criticize the ego for these limitations, on the contrary, the ego performs
splendidly in its role as the center for our identity. The problems occur when
we expect the ego to be, or to do, something that it is not designed to be or
do. When we believe that the ego is our ultimate self, we expect it to have the
knowledge and power that only the true self possesses, and then we unfairly
condemn the ego for not being able to meet our expectations. Our so called ego
problems, lack of ego development, or an unbalanced ego, or an inflated ego, or
the terrible qualities that are assigned to the ego in general, are never the
fault of the ego itself. They are due to our misunderstanding and misapplication
of this instrument.
The ego and true self have a partnership.
The ego that causes problems is the one that runs without direction. To blame
the ego for our dilemmas is like blaming our car if we do not drive well, as
though the accidents' injuries and expenses prove that the car is bad rather
than that we are bad drivers. When there is a proper relationship between ego
and true self, our intuition directs us to turn our attention toward a
particular facet of life such as our finances or relationships, and then it
tells us what to do, and how to do it, and when to do it, and how much to do it,
and when to stop. The ego does not operate haphazardly, generating irrelevant
goals, and pursuing them to a size that is grotesque and self destructive. From
the perspective of the true self, the ego is a vital interface into the human
world. It is used as a cherished, finely tuned instrument like a telescope, a
translator, and a tool of expression toward aspects of our human life so that we
can eventually realize that those aspects are facets of energy. When we discover
our true self, or we learn to use our intuition as the means of communication
from the true self to the ego, the ego can delegate some of the responsibilities
to it. Instead of trying to solve problems from the limited viewpoint and
strength of the ego, we can seek inner guidance from our true self. When this
guidance comes from the true self, our efforts will be successful and satisfying
for all parties involved. The ego can accept a lesser role if it knows that its
needs will be fulfilled more effectively when this greater entity is at the
helm. The willingness to submit to greater principles is exemplified daily by
all of us in phenomena such as delayed gratification, and the suppression of
immediate impulses for the sake of social protocol.
 We can transcend the ego.
We can experience unauthentic transcendence.
This can occur in two ways, through inflation or through
regression.
| Inflation. This can happen when we sense our spiritual nature but we do
not understand that this is our true self and not an expansion of the ego. If we
erroneously associate the ego with the splendor of the true self, the ego
inflates its concept of itself. This can cause psychological and social problems
as we try to act out our delusion in our relations with people. |
| Regression. In this situation we have not recognized our true self at
all, although we do discern some type of expansion. Instead, we have regressed
to our infant pre-ego state, in which our boundaries disintegrate, and we no
longer have a sense of identity. |
Often the ego is viewed only as a block to enlightenment, or even as a
conscious, conniving entity, that is attempting to ensnare us with its
relentless desires. Rarely, is the ego depicted as a positive element. Many view
it as an enemy to be destroyed, or as an illusion that does not exist at all.
Throughout history, such concepts have been devastating to human endeavor,
psychological health, and spiritual advancement. To some extent, we have all
been crippled by the notion that the ego is somehow evil or shameful or inferior
. We either submit to these notions at the expense of our vitality or rebel
angrily. Ironically our determination to minimize the ego actually directs an
inordinate amount of attention toward it. When we experience our true self our
illusion that the ego is our true identity is destroyed. In transcendental
states, the ego seems to disappear, but it is still there, functioning far away,
and waiting to welcome us home when we descend from the mountaintop. It is to
our detriment to return with the erroneous idea that we have forever gone beyond
ego. To repression the ego's expression, is to discard a vital human growth
process. We can let the ego be what it is, and allow it to play out its innate
nature while we observe and facilitate its activities from the perspective of
the true self.
We can operate from the position of our ego and true self simultaneously.
 Even when the ego seems to keep us involved with mundane matters when we
would rather be focused on our true self, we must realize that both can be
experienced simultaneously. If we do not seem to be in this mode at any given
moment, this is not because the ego is restricting us but rather it is because
we are knee deep in our meddling with the ego's battles instead of releasing the
ego to solve problems with the intuitional input from the ever present true
self.
Next topic: Intellect
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