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Only the brave know how to forgive; it
is the most refined and generous pitch of virtue human
nature can arrive at.
Laurence Sterne
Forgiveness is the act of forgiving or the state of being
forgiven. It is the healing and release from an injury. This is a psychological
healing, we can forgive on an emotional level and yet still pursue rightful
retribution.
The benefits of forgiveness
 | Forgive to be rid of the situation. When there is no forgiveness,
the bitterness lingers, and when we can be enjoying today's pleasures, we are
upsetting ourselves with yesterday's injustices. In a sense, the person or
circumstance stays with us through this memory. Not only will the memory remain
with us, but the offense itself will not leave until it has been forgiven.
Forgiveness unshackles us and gives us a chance to go on to other things. |
| Forgive to regain control of your life. When we resent, we give control
of our emotions to the person who hurt us. Each time we think of the violation,
he or she hurts us again through our recurring anger. Unless we release this
anger or resentment our own behavior will be affected. We may unjustifiably act
in the same way toward others. Forgiveness allows us to regain our dignity and
serenity and vitality. We can then reclaim our past peacefully, because our
memories don't upset us. |
Techniques for forgiveness.
| Accept people as they are. People are the way that they are, regardless
of any lofty expectations that we can cherish. When we have a realistic view of
human unpredictability, we are then more vigilant to affronts, so our bruises
are fewer, and we shrug them off more easily. Forgiveness is an opportunity to
reevaluate and adjust our expectations. Sometimes we expect others to fulfill a
need that we ourselves should be responsible for. |
| Realize your part in the situation. Even to ourselves, it can be
difficult to admit that we provoked or aggravated a confrontation. Realize that
judging makes it impossible to forgive them or yourself. Judgment is
condemnation and sets up an unrealistic criteria that neither of you are able to
transcend. |
| Realize that the person did the best that they can have done. Why did the
person hurt us? Like all of us, the reasons arise from a mixture of viewpoints,
conditions, problems, and many years of various experiences. Given such a mix,
we all confront situations in different ways and in every circumstance, we seek
satisfaction and survival. The person was trying to do that. Instead of thinking
that we would never commit such an offense, realize that if we had been that
person, we would have done exactly the same thing. We gain by perceiving the
other individual's position. We don't have to burden ourselves with a compulsion
to understand why he or she acted that way, and we never have to feel that our
understanding is the same as approval. |
| Realize the futility of grudges. |
Forgiveness does not
change the past, but it does enlarge the future.
Paul Boese
Next topic: Gratitude
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