Dream

I dream of him while I sleep

He who will sweep me off my feet

Who will make me feel like I have wings

To fly away with him and leave all things

Who will dry away my tears

When I am crying

And chase away my fears

So I’m not dying

I dream of him while I’m awake

I away with him he will take

Away in the sky – far from here

Though I know we will be ever near

I see him every time I close my eyes

Winking at me, being sly

I hear his voice in all my sighs

Making my heart seem to fly

I dream of him with all my being

He who everyday I am seeing

Next to me, sleeping in bed

With me everyday until I’m dead

But will I feel him holding my hand

Walking down the street?

On his shoulder, will I lay my head

Sitting in the park seat?

I dream of him, though is he real?

I know him and love him, or so I feel

The one I am meant to be with

Is nowhere to be seen with

Unable to find him near

Losing hope, I cry in desolation

Upset because I won’t be with him, I tear

Not wanting to live without him, I drink a poison potion.

On My Own

Mental Freedom

At a crossroads as to what I should do

My mind wants one thing my family wants another

My thoughts and feelings are so misconstrued

Every time I think about it, it seems like such a bother.

I feel like if I go one way

I hurt someone on the other end

No matter what I do, there is nothing I can say

A person out of my life with each action will send.

Should I go back or should I stay here,

What would happen if I decide not to choose?

Losing someone in my life is something huge I fear,

My life will be different if anyone of them, I loose.

A decision must be made soon

I still am not sure what to do         

I fear that any choice I make will make me into a loon

On these, my mind must continue to chew.

In the end, the decision is up to me

Though each bit of advice will be held in my mind

Each loving “I miss you” is a delightful treat

All of these things though do not fully bind.

Though I will have my friends and family always

What I have to do, is what feels right to me

I know I have both in so many ways

What I need for me, is just to see.

My spirit and mind, they so need to be free

Of all problems and bindings that surround them

And though in me head I have my dreams

Reality must set in so I can do the best for me.

Untitled

In times of trouble

I find you near

I blame you at first

Because I don’t understand

I come to learn

That there is a reason

For everything that happens

I turn to you

For security and undeniable love

To help me get through

What seems to be unsurpassable

With you near

I can accomplish a great deal
though there are times

When I don’t acknowledge

Your presence in my life

I get angry and turn away

When things go wrong

But I know this one thing

That you are a surety

That no matter how many times

I may walk away from you

I will be able to find you again

Right there, where I left you

Praying for my return

Thank you for that

For showing me it is ok to stray

As long as I will eventually return

Thank you for having faith

My faith in you has been restored
because your faith in me

Has been unwavering

Thank you for loving me

For trusting me to do what is right

The only way I can show my gratitude

Is by turning to face you once again

With open arms

And an open, willing heart

To spread your word,

And do your deeds

To be the servant I am meant to be.

Loss of thought

Words are but letters added together

To tell a person how you feel

Easy enough to form

With simple thought

So why is it that when you are near

I try to say how I feel but

Not even a single letter

Comes to mind

A simple thought process

To create the words I need

Can’t be done

With you on hand

My mind wanders often to you

My blood pulses faster with each thought

And like a guardian angel

You arrive, on hand to help

If I am in trouble

Like a savior from above

To rescue me with your love

Though at times I need solitude

To think things through

Other times I am wooed

By a simple smile

That crosses your lips

I don’t understand

These things I feel

Stick with me through these times

For I will come to comprehend

The magnitude of what you mean to me.

A Shadow of Me

A crying is heard in the distance

I can hear it

But I don’t know where it’s coming from

I walk down the street when I see her

A lone figure walks through the silence of night

She cries as she walks

Feeling that no one hears her

I try to speak out

To tell her that I hear her

That she isn’t alone

And that I care

She seems so familiar to me

Like I knew her

But for some reason I couldn’t find her name

I follow her,

Seeing what she sees

As if I am floating above her

I can’t understand what is going on

It is like we are one in the same

I lift my hand and see her lift hers

Then it dawns on me

I am she

But why does it feel like we are separate

Like we are apart?

I am the one who is crying

I am the one who is walking alone

I feel separated from the world

From all the ones I love so much

Why do my tears burn my cheeks as they fall?

It feels like they are acidic in nature

My voice is hoarse from crying out

Can’t anybody hear me?

They are out there,

But can they really hear me?

Those I love, those that want to help

Seem to be so far away

So far out of reach

I feel alone

As if I am the only one that can hear my cries

And see my pain, feel what I feel.

An Escape

The dark is cold and consuming

Yet somehow comforting

All alone in this world

People bickering

Always fighting

I want to hide from it

Desire to be released

From the binds that hold me

To this cold dismal place

Weak with pain, tired of crying

Afraid to do anything

To be noticed

Slip off to oblivion

For only a short time

Sitting in dark solitude

Where nothing can reach

Nothing can find

Away from the pain

Separated from anger

No need to fear

This shall pass

As everything does

No escape

From reality

Darkness will rape

The mind

And keep it captured

If you let it.

A Desire to Feel

Within a time

Of myth and hope

Around you I will not mope

Like a fantasy out of my mind

Arriving to help me survive

For within reason, truth does chime

A dream like haze

Floats over my eyes

Blinding me from all lies

In your eyes I must gaze

To search your soul

To know you are real

Because I need to feel –

So I can be whole

Part of my heart

Is reserved solely for you

This will forever be true

I don’t ever want these feelings to part

Be forever near me

Your face in my mind I will see.

A Decision

A time of frustration surrounds

Causing endless stress

Needing to escape for

Just a little bit

Retreating into the sanctuary

Where only I exist

And there are no problems

Another problem

And I feel like I’m going to burst

Outbursts with those I love

Kill me every time

When I see the hurt in their faces

And know they care

But they don’t understand

All that I feel

Though they may know

The situation

Feeling as if I am alone

Stuck in a rut with no help to arrive

Trying to make a decision that will

Forever alter my life

One way or another

Afraid to set out

Yet afraid to move on

And leave my past behind

But it is time for me to grow up

For me to be the adult

Make my own choices

As hard as they are.

Uncertainty

A tumult of emotions

Spiral crazily as thoughts

Soar about over head

Trying to make sense

Of feelings that seem pointless

Living life in an endless routine

Something changes

My mind moves on

But my heart stays behind

Leaving me confused

Every time I talk to you

I get so confused

I can’t get over how you

Made me feel when we were together

I don’t get why

You seem so special to me

No matter how I felt

When you weren’t there

Everything felt so right

When you were near

Now, with you so far away

Life seems so useless

But somehow I must

Move on with life

And hope with all my strength

That we will meet up again.

Getting lost in a sense of happiness

that simply will not last

afraid to open up to the one involved

just afraid to get hurt yet again

She knows that the pain is inevitable

that in one form or another it will come

without fail, it always does

this poor girl, so afraid

of something so beautiful

cynical before her time

will lose the one that matters most to her

because of her fearful cynical nature

another tear, another rip in her fragile heart

unless she throws her past aside and steps ahead of it

allows her heart to open up

and accept the thing she truely desires the most.

A long gone part of my past

i put you in my past
didn't want the memory to last
so why is it that whenever i am happy
you find a way to slither in
and make me remember
all the #### you did
to ruin my life
just go away
leave me be
i don't want to know
how you have been
i am done with you
don't want you near
you have no right to interfer
i don't even know
why it was so important to me
to have your friendship
in the beginning
yet couldn't figure out why
i just couldn't trust you
a snake in sheeps clothing
that is what you are
not a wolf cuz you aren't majestic like that
a snake slithering upon your belly
hiding in a semblance of good
waiting to attack the next victim
well it won't be me anymore
because i won't let you in
i have that wall up
you always said
to let it down
well i have reasons not to
reasons like you that happened long ago
goodbye forever
to forgive you for what you did
will take a long time
so all i can do is to let you go
out of my mind...block you eternally
so you won't hurt me anymore.

A tear falls from glassy blue orbs
A strong but tender hand reaches out
To wipe away the tear
Loving and soft, a gentle touch
Helping to ease the pain
That is felt deep within
A journey taken, long and perilous
Curving and winding, dipping and rising
Never straight, never easy

A tendency to fall from the right behavior shows

A stern voice calls out

To teach and guide

Caring yet hard, a model to follow

Molding into what is meant to be

Keeping the discipline strict,

So that the mind grows

And the heart loves with unrelenting loyalty.

Find my soul

Caught adrift on a wave of blissful immortality

Immune from the pain of death

Still feeling emotional train wreck

Of love and loss, and in between

Stuck in the eternal rut of repeating

The same mental state of the decisions past made

Trying to hide from the internal demons

Stabbing at my soul leaving ragged gashes

That never do heal, only rip open more

They never leave, and are never silent

Close my eyes to block out the world

And they are there waiting to tear into me more

Leaving my crying out in hysteria

Begging them to let me be

Detach myself from my body

To be alone in my mind

Where I can’t be harmed

But I can’t be loved

Because they don’t understand

The hurt that I feel, they never will

Destined to be alone for all of time

Until I find one that will understand

One that will deny these demons access

To the torn and tattered soul that dwells inside

One that will protect me from pain

And love me for the one that I am

But is there truly one, who can do that,

Who can love me unconditionally despite my faults?

So alone I stay trying to dodge the demons

Until He finds me,

Wait I think he already has.

A Fantasy of Love

You long throughout your life

For something you hold so dear

To find that special someone

You want to love for all of time

To feel the heat of that one persons skin –

As you lay nestled close to him

To hear the baritone deepness of his voice –

As he whispers to you in the night

You feel safe and warm

Laying in his arms

Hoping one day he will come

That perfect one that you will love

Just wait and see for he will come

The lover of your dreams

The Overwhelming Need