Do you have super-powers?
Yes. My father works in a second-hand store and brought home a box of what he believed to be worthless trinkets, and
gave them to my four-year-old son, Indiana. My son took out two rings, one in the shape of a skull and one in the shape of
a lion's head. I was reminded of
The Phantom, where one ring was used as the mark of evil and one was used to show that the wearer was always welcome among the Rope People
of Bandar.
I took it as an omen, and I became The Phantom!!!
And, when Indiana is old enough, I will pass the rings on to him and he, too, will become The Phantom!!!
You realize that the Phantom had no superpowers, he was just a guy who lived in the jungle?
So what?
So, you're stupid.
You're stupid, stupid.
Not as stupid as you.
Shut the hell up.
Well, really, The Claw!!! is more a part-time gig these days.
Will there be more stories about The Claw!!!??
The Claw!!! is always ready to spring into action, wherever and whenever evil rears its ugly
head!!
You said "rear"
*hee hee*
Do you believe in Bigfoot, UFO's, ghosts, spontaneous combustrion, the Loch Ness monster, unmarked black
helicopters, or kids who die from eating too much Pop Rocks?
Bigfoot I think may be real, but the rest of it, no.
What do you believe in?
I'm a born-again evangelical conservative Republican christian. I also believe that most people are idiots, and I of
course am the smartest man alive.
What about all those scientists and physicists, aren't they pretty smart?
I've never read their websites.
What do you want to do with your life?
I want to be an astronaut and live in a city on the moon.
Are you qualified to be an astronaut?
They send monkeys into space. I'm at least that qualified.
If you could be anything other than a white protestant male, what would it be?
A Klingon
If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
That one that fell over in the forest when no one was around to hear
What Biblical character do you most identify with?
One of the lepers
What is the most embarrassing moment/situation you've ever had? (this question comes from Trent)
Well this one time I peed on an electric fence and shorted it out and got shocked and when I came to I was layig on the
ground with my pants around my ankles and two cops standing over me, and I got dragged off to jail just like that while the
entire JV cheerleading squad stood by
Is that a true story?
No.
So you really didnt pee on an electric fence?
No I made that up, but I know another guy who did something similar. He thought he would short out the fence and
it arced...and knocked him over
Did his penis ever work again?
He's got three kids, so I suppose it did. But, being teenage
boys, we usually avoided discussing our genetalia.
