Mushrooms

There's a lot of different types of mushrooms, with all different kinds of names. Shiitake, Chanterelle, Matsutake, all foreign-sounding names. There are lots of different kinds of apples, too, but they all sound like they could just be American, like MacIntosh or Granny Smith. Mushrooms seem like an awfully simple thing that there should be a bajillion different varieties of them. And it seems monumentally unfair that, unlike every single variety of apple known to man, a great many mushroom varieties can kill you. I don't know if any of the poison ones have fancy Asian-sounding names, though; anyway, I hope they don't, because that would make them sound better. What I mean is, it's easier just to say "Don't eat that poison mushroom! It'll kill you!" than to say something like

"Don't eat those Patoike Mushrooms!"
"Why not? They're good!"
"No, they're poison!"
"I thought that was the Palumbo!"
"No, the Palumbo are ok, it's the Patoike that kill you."
"I thought Patoike went on pizza."
"No, that's Mitsubishi."

I think the poison ones mostly grow wild. That would be natural, though, I guess that no one grows poison mushrooms on purpose. Unless they were CIA or ninja assassins. It seems like it would be a pretty effective way to get rid of, say, Castro or something. As long as someone like Castro really liked mushrooms.

Mushrooms are kind of sophisticated, though. Anything is that sounds all foreign and snooty like that. Kind of like tea. Coffee is for the regular working joe, but tea is all sophisticated and snooty.

I like tea, though, and mushrooms, too. I'm not worried about getting poison ones, though, because I don't pick them out of the ground. I'll eat things that people bring home from hunting, but I won't eat anything wild picked out of the ground. It's just one of the little quirks that makes me who I am.

Mushrooms and apples are not like bananas. There's only one kind of banana. I wonder why that is. I wonder why there's no red bananas or Johnson Bananas, they're always just BANANAS. If I was a banana farmer that would piss me off. So much that I would set about trying to make a new kind of banana.

Real Life Courtroom Shows

I don't like the real-life courtroom shows and judge shows where people sue one another and get divorced all the time. I don't like that people are so quick to file for divorce these days and sue one another over stupid crap, and I like even less that this is a source of entertainment for hillbillies.

For me, it's just too close to "The Running Man". The next step is just to have people involved in lawsuits just to fight it out like on "American Gladiators", and after that its just to set them loose in the woods with guns.

For now, though, they can play civilized and act like it's a fair courtroom situation. I can't help but notice on the divorce court show that the judge always sides with the woman. Always. Conveniently, it's also true on this show that the man is always wrong. They must have a vigorous screening process. The one thing I can't figure out is why any man would agree to appear on that show. Does it not occur to him during the interview process when they say "You're JUST the type of guy the judge likes to see on the air!" that there is something horribly, horribly wrong?