|
Adrienne
Adrienne is a college girl who's been reading my site since the very beginning. She used to email me once
or twice a week and let me know what she thought, and got all her friends reading it too, and I would get emails from them,
so that for a while I was like one of the cool kids at this one school near Vancouver. Which was actually kind of weird.
But maybe it's how David Hasselhoff feels when he goes to Germany and apparently everyone there thinks he's a rock star. It's good to know, anyway, that I am helping to shape the minds of the next generation. This is a picture Adrienne
sent me of her looking all Veronica Lake for some formal thing. But whatever, she is very creative and brilliant and has her own website (click on
her picture to link there). I especially like Chapter Nine, about how she hates Avril Lavigne.
Matt
Matt is very smart and very important. He used to send me emails correcting my inaccuracies and interpreting
my dreams. Here, Matt receives an award of some type from a smart bald guy in a tuxedo. Either that, or Matt forgot his lunchbox
and, on his way to a formal affair, his dad drops by school to give it to him. Way to go, Matt!
Mike, Lester, and John
No offense or anything, guys....but you just don't look like the type who read my site. Don't get
me wrong, I'm glad you like it, but are you sure you're getting it? Because you guys are kind of the ones I make
the most fun of....
I like this picture, though. It really tells you what they're about and who these guys are. I mean, literally,
they have their names digitally added to their t-shirts so you won't get confused. And don't crop the picture, or you'll miss
what's really important....that Dukes of Hazzard car they're standing in front of....
James
I don't have a picture of James because that would be kind of gay because he works with me. James isn't
really Tinky Winky, he just thinks he is...he works the night shift and, like everyone else who works the night shift, is just a little bit off. And
like most people who are just a little bit off, James likes this site and is always commenting on little things to me. So
I am including him here...
Joe & Deidra
More Canadians! Joe and Diedra are great folks, salt of the earth...although just a little bit pale, but
I guess that goes without saying. They sent me this picture in an email. I think it was some important day for them, or something,
I forget what. We've been friends a long time, so you'd think I would have a lot more interesting things to say about them.
I think Joe plays hockey. And Diedra, of course....totally hot....
Update: Joe doesn't play hockey and apparently I'm a dumb ass for assuming
he does just because he's Canadian!
Second update: Two people have emailed me and asked if Joe has his fly down in
this picture. I think that's a key chain hanging down from his hand, though. I will have to ask.
Anonymous Psychology Professor Guy
He thinks the site is fascinating, from an academic point of view, and I think he may have been considering
writing a paper about me at some point. But I don't know if it would help or hurt his professional standing to have it generally
known that he reads this crap...to keep from alienating him, I am going to respect his anonymity.....
May Lan
May Lan's name is actually Plumblossom if you translate it to English, so everyone just calls her Plumblossom.
She is from China but she lives in Malaysia now. We have had some debates about Communism and stuff. She thinks I am ignorant
but keeps reading. And now I am influencing people in other countries. Phase Two of my plan to take over the world:
Complete.
Click on her picture to see a gallery of pictures, done by some guy from online she doesn't know. May Lan
thinks this is cool, because apparently there is no word in Mandarin that means "stalker".
Britney
Britney reads my site all the time and then calls me on the phone to tell me how insightful and amazing
my mind is.
...Oh, wait, this is just a dream I keep having, where I'm a white snake and Britney and me are best friends....
Jade
Jade lives in Alaska, where in winter the nights last twenty hours. That's twenty
hours with no sun. At all. Fitting that there's nothing to do there, I guess. Jade is a very nice
person but this is the only picture that exists with her smiling. It must have been because the sun had just come up, I'm
guessing.
Andy
I don't know who this guy is, but when I saw his picture I felt compelled to post it here, and send him
five dollars in the mail....
Emily
Emily invades my soul. That's what she's doing there with her hand, reaching out to my deep inner being
and calming the storm that rages within. I am totally totally serious. She's like, Find your inner calm and serenity....let
go of the hurt and the rage...that's the wrong fork to use for your salad...
Stuff like that.
Teresa
Teresa is very very smart and goes to college and everything. She is well-versed in old sitcoms like The
Brady Bunch (she knew who Phil Packer was without my having to explain it). She can hold her breath a really long
time, and that comes in handy when she's dressed like a mermaid and swimming around underwater.
She also has a website you can link to from her picture, and I strongly encourage any of my West
Texas readers in need of an underwater mermaid model to call Teresa! She's the best there is!
I don't think she does bachelor parties, though, guys.
Update: Teresa is from Southeast Texas, near the coast. Obviously. There's nothing
but desert in West Texas. And, again, I'm a dumb ass.
Second update: For those who don't know, Phil Packer was the name that Peter Brady used
in the episode when he double-dated with Greg and he needed to appear older, so he wore a fake mustache that came out in his
popcorn. Technically, I think his full name was "Phil Packer, Swinging Cat From Another High School." Why he didn't just say
he was younger, I don't know. I guess it's always better to lie to the girl you really want to impress. And what if Greg and
the first girl got serious, how would he explain who Peter was? Or what if the girl really liked Phil Packer? I think what
seemed madcap and hilarious in 1973, now seems unecesarily cruel.
The Entire Webgroup / Support Team (or whatever) at LXE
(an EMS Technologies Company)
My brother (sixth from the left, behind the guy in the red shirt) got everyone in his group at work to start reading
my site. The last time I was there, they were all really into The Claw!!! They may have all forgotten
me by now, since I took six months off to be depressed, but it's kind of cool that a whole department was reading and discussing
this crap. Phase Three of my plan to take over the world: Complete.
Burt
What can I say about Burt that hasn't already been said, and more eloquently, by a panel of court-appointed psychologists in his home state? You go, Burt!
Krikette
I don't know how she got up there, but if you ask me, Krikette's worth way way way more than 3 points...
Update: Krikette says she climbed up there on a bet with her son....so now we all know...
Olivia
I don't know Olivia. I don't even know if her name is Olivia. But I think she lives somewhere in Southern
California and she looks a little like Erin Gray (the babe from that Buck Rogers show from the 70s). I should qualify this
by saying that, no, I don't know her, but I love her! ILOVEHERILOVEHERILOVEHER!
I LOOOOOOOOOVE HER!!!!
Your New Boyfriend
This is your new boyfriend! Don't you love your new boyfriend? You love him and want to kiss him. You probably
want to marry him because he's your boyfriend and you love him.
Trent
Trent is like 20 or 21, and we been talking a long time. I tell him he needs to go to college. He says yeah,
but then doesn't go. Trent reads everything I write, and he's a good ol' guy. By the way, in the picture, Trent is the one
with the blue hair.
Jen
For some weird reason that I have absolutely no control over, all these really gorgeous women keep sending
me their pictures. And by "control," I don't mean that I would like it to stop, but that I'd like to get more of them to do
it.
Jen has some pretty racy pictures on her website, and it's not that this look doesn't work for her, but I think deep down there is a cheerleader waiting to come
out. Jen and me call one another and we talk about what would happen if we got married one day, and even though
we are both kind of weird we also agree that it's not likely to happen. It doesn't stop me from loving these pictures.
Simon
Simon is Joe & Deidra's baby, isn't he the cutest? Next to my own kids, of course. Of course,
Simon can't actually read this site yet, but Deidra has been coming here for so long that I'm pretty sure I can get her to
give him his first reading lessons here....
Lisa
Lisa and I started talking about a year ago, and she's so pretty that I'm afraid if I put her picture here
then no one will ever want to look at anything else on this site but her. They'll be like "O, yeah, let's bookmark this one
site where that awesome-looking babe's picture is!" and forget about all the other stuff that's here. But with a build-up
like that, I have to put her picture here.
|
