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DATE: 28-APR-87
SUBJ: My Private Terror
There are evil dogs on my street. They are also
invisible. The dog catchers are useless. Mace won't help. Leash laws are obsolete.
They've tapped my phone and tortured
my dog. They've gone through my trash for evidence to use against me. They bark all night and keep me awake. I'm at my wit's
end.
That's why I've decided to call in the Microdogs.
One man stands alone against a hoarde of evil invisible
dogs! Will the Microdogs make a difference? Tune in tomorrow, same bat-time, same bat-channel!
DATE:
29-APR-87
SUBJ: The Microdog Cometh
The microdogs came, as they promised. I talked to Mange, their Queen,
who looked just like a German Shepherd except that she was only six inches long and three inches tall.
The microdogs
communicate with each other through the sporadic emission of certain high-frequency radioactive beams.
The invisible
dogs, however, had other plans....
And it was up to Chico, the Renegade Microdog on Wheels, to stop them.
Will
Chico stop the invisible dogs from conquering my neighborhood? Tune in tomorrow, same bat-time, same bat-channel!
DATE: 30-APR-87
SUBJ: Chico's Revenge
Having been hit on the head by a radioactive hockey puck at
a very early age, Chico the Microdog had gained the inhuman ability to assume the form of any hard-rubber product. The other
Microdogs laughed and called him names. Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say, Chico with your nose so bright, won't
you guide my sleigh tonight?
Needless to say, Chico left the other Microdogs and went out on his own, with only $1000.00
in German bearer bonds and a vested interest in some Asian hedge funds, and a '38 Auburn Super Sport he'd inheirited from
a rich Uncle.
Horace, the King of the invisible dogs, sent one of the female invisible dogs after Chico. It was only
throught the continued support of his wife that Chico was able to resist her and, finally, went underground with his team
of para-military microdog commandoes that would eventually become known as the A-Pack.
Following Mange, the Microdog
Queen, had become Chico's passion. Because she was his mother but neither of them knew it because his father had been a Jedi
Master of the Force (but not the Nice Side; he was a master of the Naughty Side).
And so, in my neighborhood, the
invisible dogs are ready to take over, and Mange and her Microdog army are set to oppose them, and Chico the Renegade on Wheels
is caught in the middle!
Will Horace convince Mange to give up her search for Chico the Renegade on Wheels? Will my
neighborhood ever again be safe for democracy? Tune in tomorrow, same bat-time, same bat-channel!
DATE:
01-MAY-87
SUBJ: A showdown
Horace lured Chico into a trap. The rest of the A-Pack fell to their deaths
in a Burmese tiger pit with punji sticks soaked in urine at the bottom (Just like in First Blood, with Sylvester Stallone,
Tri-Star Pictures, 1982). Chico himself landed in a time-warp and found himself back in the year 1962.
While there,
Chico spontaneously changed gender, and his new master gave him the name Mange. Mange met a nice microdog and had a little
puppy, then Mange's husband disappeared into the future. Mange named the puppy Chico, and Chico gre up and went back in time
and married a dog named Mange, spontaneously changed sex, and disappeared. So, through an odd twist of fate, Chico became
his own father, mother, and self!
This of course retro-actively negated his very existence, and Mange and Chico immediately
ceased to exist, swallowed by the spacetime continuum. A new leader was needed for the Microdogs: Someone special, someone
willing to lay down his or her life if necessary to make my neighborhood safe for democracy.
Will the Microdogs find a
new leader, or will the evil invisible dogs now run rampant, taking over the entire world? Tune in tomorrow, same bat-time,
same bat-channel!
DATE: 04-MAY-87
SUBJ: The Return of Diablo Santa Rosa
Diablo Santa
Rosa was the reformed High Priest of a blood cult that that worshipped Baal, the Egyptian sun god. He wanted to be leader
of the microdogs, but there was just one problem: He only spoke Spanish.
He stood before the Microdogs and said:
"Hoi
amigos, tai iguat como ayer, la lucha en el barrio no cambia. Nuestros hijos, son los han de crecer, por le de la calle viviendo
entre abrazos y chigazos."
But none of the other Microdogs understood him. However, they liked his mustache,
as he reminded them of Desi Arnaz (the Microdogs three main religions were based on reruns of "I Love Lucy"). So, Diablo Santa
Rosa became the new leader of the Microdogs.
Horace, however, had plans for them all!
Will Horace destroy
the Microdogs? Tune in tomorrow, same bat-time, same bat-channel!
DATE: 05-MAY-87
SUBJ: A Confrontation
Horace began to get tough. He turned over trashcans, bit people, killed livestock (yes there is livestock in
my neighborhood), and barked all night. But since he and his friends were invisible, it was the microdogs that got all the
blame.
Soon the neighborhood council took a vote outlawing microdogs! It was time for decisive action. The Microdogs
were being hunted by the neighborhood watch (led of course by the infamous "Bubba" of the National Neighborhood Watch Council).
Although they were being slaughtered by the thousands, the Microdogs did not lose heart. They found strength in their
leader's words. He said to them:
"Hola mi amigoes, por favor, cuida a Rosa. Rosa es joven y solo quierre ver la
belieza del mundo."
They didn't understand what it meant, but the Microdogs were ready to strike back!
Will
Bubba defeat the Microdogs? Will Horace have the last laugh? Will anyone else learn conversational Spanish before it's too
late? Tune in tomorrow, same bat-time, same bat-channel!
DATE: 06-MAY-87
SUBJ: A New Friend
Bubba soon had the neighborhood watch behind him full force. Horace had even led them to the Microdogs secret hiding
place, and since Mange and Chico were both gone, the Microdogs were thrown into leaderless revolution.
Hope came,
however, in a militant faction of the Microdogs known as the Mongrels.
The Mongrels were made up of former terrorists,
vigilantes, mobsters, and mercenaries who had given up their former ways to help battle evil in my neighborhood.
The
leader of the Mongrels was named Sam, who quickly displaced Diablo Santa Rosa as Chief Microdog In Charge of Really Big-Deal
Things.
And it was his idea to challenge the Invisible Dogs to a final, fateful duel: The Microdog's champion versus
the Invisible Dog's champion, with the winner able to rule my neighborhood unchallenged!
Will Horace accept the challenge?
How will Bubba react? Tune in tomorrow, same bat-time, same bat-channel!
DATE: 07-MAY-87
SUBJ: The
Final Chapter
A long time passed and nothing happened. Then some more time passed where very little happened,
and then another long time passed and finally something happened. There was a big fight between the Microdog's champion and
the Invisible Dog's Champion, and the Microdogs won! Finally they had defeated the Invisible Dogs, who had to all go to another
neighborhood!
But Bubba swore he would find them if it was the last thing he ever did, and Sam decided to lead the
Mongrels on another long search to bring the Invisible Dogs to justice.
The End
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