And Yet Still More Random Thoughts
Stupid Things I've Heard

Not Stupid Questions, But Stupid Statements
Ok, well, some of them are questions

  1. "When I was a kid, you couldn't tell who smoked pot and who didn't, because everyone did it. "
  2. "I'm not afraid of dying, for two reasons; one, because I believe in reincarnation, and two, because I figure you only live once. "
  3. "This store opens every morning at 9 and stays open 24 hours a day "
  4. "How'd that stump get in your yard? Was there a tree there or something? "
  5. "What part of England are you from?"...."Surrey"....(louder) "What part of England are you from?...."
  6. At a store called Everything's A Dollar: "How much is this? "
  7. At a McDonald's Drive-Through: "Can I get that to go? "
  8. "Did you know James Earl Jones was the guy under Darth Vader's mask?"
  9. Said by a Ph.D. in one of the labs where I used to work: "Nitrous Oxide is nothing to be laughing about. "
  10. "I never played chess, all I know is the names of some of the pieces, like the rook, the bishop, the queen, and do the have a piece called a king? Oh, yeah, that's why you always have to say King Me "
  11. At a restaurant: "I need to speak to the big, you know, head person here"...."We don't have a big head person here, sir... "
  12. To a Mormon at the door: "I'm a Southern Baptist, I don't believe in Mormons. "
  13. "One is the first number of the alphabet "
  14. "It takes two to tangle. "
  15. From a letter by a clergyman canceling his subscription to The Guardian, as it was first publishing The Screwtape Letters: "Much of the advice given in these letters seems....not only erroneous but positively diabolical. "
  16. "I didn't realize that the Fourth of July was celebrated on July 4th every year, I thought it was just an expression. "
  17. "Your sister is the most beautiful woman in the world..."(this was a man talking about a woman's identical twin)
  18. "Is that your new haircut? "
  19. "Time is on my side, for now. "
  20. "I like to think I'm an optimist, when I'm not all depressed and stuff. "
  21. "I never knew a dead person before. "
  22. "A lot of people may not know this, but I happen to be very famous "
  23. "They're a young team and the future seems to be ahead of them. "
  24. "The network is down! No one can get online! You need to send out an email so that everyone knows what's going on! "
  25. "If I don't have sex before I die, I'll kill myself."
  26. "I wish my family had holiday traditions, we just did the same stupid stuff every year."
  27. A friend of mine was at a party and sat next to blind woman for twenty minutes not talking, and when I asked him why he didn't talk to her he said "I don't know sign language."
  28. My friend Tom wanted to set off fireworks, and his wife said it wasn't even dark out yet, so he said "That's ok, we can close our eyes."
  29. When asked what was the worst part of the recent heatwave, a county official said (live, on TV) that it was "dealing with the extreme temperatures."
  30. I never assume anything, unless I verify it first