Every so often like in magazines or something I come across these personality tests and stuff, and every so often one
of them will have a question like, if you could have dinner with anyone from history, who would it be? And folks almost always
answer, like, George Washington, or Ghandi, Elvis, or even like Jesus Christ or something.
As for me, I think, I would have to know more. Like, where would we be eating, what's being served? Do I have to fix
supper myself, or are we going out somewhere? And if I'm picking someone from the past, am I going back in time or are they
coming here?
There's a lot to consider, really. Like, say you got a chance to have dinner with George Washington. You know you're
not going to a Chick Fil-A or something. Plus, you know he's got those false teeth and it would probably be disgusting
to watch him eat anything other than ice cream. And he would probably even drool that all over the place.
And if I'm going to have dinner with Ghandi, I'd want to pick a place with a nice salad bar. There's no way I'm going
to eat a hamburger in front of him and have him be all judgemental and look at me funny the whole evening. Chances are he's
not going to eat anything anyway.
And Elvis. Damn. Let's just say that if I have dinner with Elvis, I'm picking the menu. And I'm going to say, like, Elvis
from 1965, so that I don't have to sit with a bloated, drugged out slob who's scarfing down fried peanut butter and banana
sandwiches while slurring the words to Heartbreak Hotel.
And then, of course, there's Jesus Christ. If I was going to have dinner with Jesus, I guess the first thing I would
want to make sure is that I'm not already dead. Not that I would be disappointed at all, just that I would probably be too
freaked out to really enjoy the meal. And I would want to go someplace nice, too, where you could get a nice piece of mutton.
Folks back in His day ate a lot of mutton, I'm thinking. But then some smart ass kids would be making "lamb" jokes at the
next table. And folks would probably be interrupting us all the time with questions and wanting autographs and asking is my
Uncle Bob in Heaven and hey, how about that gravity, huh? And my worst fear, of course: Jesus gets a phone call and says "I
gotta take this" and you're sitting there awkwardly staring into space.
I don't know if I would like to have dinner with anyone famous, really.
Like, Winston Churchill. Really intelligent, funny, and think about the life he led, winning the war and beating the
Nazis and everything. But then you would have to eat all that English food like kidney pie and headcheese and pudding made
from pig's blood. Gross. Plus he was probably a slob.
For me I would just as soon eat alone.
