OK, here is a conversation that I had with someone online who doesn't think I should make lists
like this, although I am still not sure why. So read this conversation and let me know, was I wrong here? Was I just not understanding
her?
BB: Is this what you do on your free time? Making rules for yourself isn't cool. It is
like restricting someone to be what you want them to be. Setting guidlines won't get
you anywhere.
JJD: I do want someone who is secure being herself, what's wrong with
that?
BB: There is nothing wrong with that, but making a list of all the
things you want in a female is like saying there will never be anyone that will meet up to
your standards.
JJD: So if I set no guidelines at all, how would that work? Go out
with anyone I see?
BB: Not necessarily
JJD: I don't think the things I've put here are impossibly high standards
BB: it is nice to have a few guidlines, but try to keep it short and
simple
JJD: So what specifically do you disagree with on my list?
BB: All of it. You are expecting a woman to be a certain way. Can't
you just respect her for what she is and not lean so much on what you want?
JJD: Well like what do you mean? How is what I'm doing here disrespecting
anyone?
BB: Go back and read what you wrote. Then talk to me.
JJD: I want a woman who will love my kids, are you telling me that
I should be flexible with that, and settle for someone who doesn't??
BBD: No, but there are other things on your list that you should fix
JJD: well I asked you to tell me what they were, and you said "All
of it"
BB: There wasn't much about your kids on there. There are lots of things
in each little rule you have that need to be fixed. Find them and fix them.
JJD: Fix them how?
BB: You can find a way I'm sure
JJD: Lets just look at number one...someone who listens...What's the
matter with that?
BB: What about you? Will you listen? Or will you just expect her to
listen all the time? Typical male. Stubborn and selfish.
JJD: Wow...you have issues.
BB: Yeah, and I'm not afraid to speak my mind either. Isn't that one
of your priorities?
JJD: But I asked you what you wanted me to fix and you won't tell me....I'm
TRYING to listen to you. I'm talking about what I want in a woman, and not what I
am willing to be for a woman, that's another
thing entirely.
BB: Why so many rules though? I'm listening too here.
JJD: Just because I want a woman who will listen doesn't mean that
all I want to do is talk. Do you want a man who will listen?
BB: its 50/50, otherwise it doesn't work out well
JJD: So you do want a man who will listen
BB: my man listens and we work out our problems together. We are best
friends overall. We understand each other.
JJD: So having him listen to you is important to you then?
BB: Always. Communication is very important in any relationship,
JJD: So when you were considering what kind of man you wanted, it was
very important to you that you find a man who would listen to you to facilitate this
communication, right?
BB: Yeah, but you don't see me making a list of what I expect in a
man. That's just not cool, Or right.
JJD: Well you have a man, why would you make a list?
BB: I wouldn't even if I didn't
JJD: Aren't there things that you would look for in a man?
BB: No. Just that he likes me for who I am. Nothing else really matters.
JJD: What if he likes you for who you are but beats you up every night?
BB: That is obvious. Of course I wouldn't stand something or someone
like that.
JJD: So already you have your own list, that he listen to you and that
he not beat you up, right?