And Yet Still More Random Thoughts
July 30, 2005

Things I Want In A Woman

Someone sent me a little thing for a little website called Catch27.com which, at 6:30 am with nothing else to do, was a pleasant enough diversion. But after messing around on it for a couple hours, I decided it wasn't meant for folks like me. Especially when I came across more than one that said "My picture says it all."
 
So anyway here's what I put under "What I want in a catch". It was kind of fun but I should say that I'm not looking for a catch just now, and I pray to God that my picture doesn't say it all...

A woman who....

  1. actually, honestly listens,
  2. is brave enough to accept love without freaking out about it and telling me ten times a day that she doesn't deserve it, because after about 3.4 seconds of that I'm going to start agreeing,
  3. is secure enough to go to a movie by herself, or tell me to shut up and not be mad when I don't, or let me have friends who are women and not freak out,
  4. is comfortable enough just being herself, and has dealt with her past enough that I won't need a whip and a chair to deal with it when she lets it out of its cage,
  5. lives her life in hours and not years, collects Star Trek, loves superheros, drives real fast, plays her music really loud (especially the Ramones), has excellent credit and is good with money even if she doesn't make a whole lot, isn't slutty or weird or dress up like Little Bo Peep (except with me if she's into it), watches at least 3 hours of TV a day, loves kids and laughs a lot, or is at least ok with me doing all of these things (except the dressing up part),
  6. is totally into me but not obsessive and weird about it, and can accept that I will totally be into her without thinking I'm a stalker,
  7. will understand that my kids' needs always come first, and that them just being there will limit us in a lot of ways, but also think that that's totally totally worth it, like I do,
  8. can break my heart every day, but who I trust enough not to,
  9. believes in God without believing that she knows Him better than everyone else, 
  10. won't ever lie to me to get me to do stuff I don't want to do, especially since I will do most anything if she just asks nice,
  11. doesn't think country music is "deep",
  12. won't ever tell me there's nothing wrong when there really is, because then nothing can ever get better
  13. is willling to name a child "Elvis," even a girl, 
  14. won't say  "call me" when she really means "f** off" and assume that I am in tune with her enough to pick up on that, and finally,
  15. will understand that I don't care what she looks like, but that she's the most beautiful woman I ever met

OK, here is a conversation that I had with someone online who doesn't think I should make lists like this, although I am still not sure why. So read this conversation and let me know, was I wrong here? Was I just not understanding her?
 
BB: Is this what you do on your free time? Making rules for yourself isn't cool. It is like restricting someone to be what you want them to be. Setting guidlines won't get you anywhere.
 
JJD: I do want someone who is secure being herself, what's wrong with that?
 
BB: There is nothing wrong with that, but making a list of all the things you want in a female is like saying there will never be anyone that will meet up to your standards.
 
JJD: So if I set no guidelines at all, how would that work? Go out with anyone I see?
 
BB: Not necessarily
 
JJD: I don't think the things I've put here are impossibly high standards
 
BB: it is nice to have a few guidlines, but try to keep it short and simple
 
JJD: So what specifically do you disagree with on my list?
 
BB: All of it. You are expecting a woman to be a certain way. Can't you just respect her for what she is and not lean so much on what you want?
 
JJD: Well like what do you mean? How is what I'm doing here disrespecting anyone?
 
BB: Go back and read what you wrote. Then talk to me.
 
JJD: I want a woman who will love my kids, are you telling me that I should be flexible with that, and settle for someone who doesn't??
 
BBD: No, but there are other things on your list that you should fix
 
JJD: well I asked you to tell me what they were, and you said "All of it"
 
BB: There wasn't much about your kids on there. There are lots of things in each little rule you have that need to be fixed. Find them and fix them.
 
JJD: Fix them how?
 
BB: You can find a way I'm sure
 
JJD: Lets just look at number one...someone who listens...What's the matter with that?
 
BB: What about you? Will you listen? Or will you just expect her to listen all the time? Typical male. Stubborn and selfish.
 
JJD: Wow...you have issues.
 
BB: Yeah, and I'm not afraid to speak my mind either. Isn't that one of your priorities?
 
JJD: But I asked you what you wanted me to fix and you won't tell me....I'm TRYING to listen to you. I'm talking about what I want in a woman, and not what I am willing to be for a woman, that's another
thing entirely.
 
BB: Why so many rules though? I'm listening too here.
 
JJD: Just because I want a woman who will listen doesn't mean that all I want to do is talk. Do you want a man who will listen?
 
BB: its 50/50, otherwise it doesn't work out well
 
JJD: So you do want a man who will listen
 
BB: my man listens and we work out our problems together. We are best friends overall. We understand each other.
 
JJD: So having him listen to you is important to you then?
 
BB: Always. Communication is very important in any relationship,
 
JJD: So when you were considering what kind of man you wanted, it was very important to you that you find a man who would listen to you to facilitate this communication, right?
 
BB: Yeah, but you don't see me making a list of what I expect in a man. That's just not cool,  Or right.
 
JJD: Well you have a man, why would you make a list?
 
BB: I wouldn't even if I didn't
 
JJD: Aren't there things that you would look for in a man?
 
BB: No. Just that he likes me for who I am. Nothing else really matters.
 
JJD: What if he likes you for who you are but beats you up every night?
 
BB: That is obvious. Of course I wouldn't stand something or someone like that.
 
JJD: So already you have your own list, that he listen to you and that he not beat you up, right?
 
Email me and tell me what you think

(From the Mailbag May 1, 2006)
 
I wonder if BB goes up to people in the grocery store and argue that they shouldn't have made a grocery list. And she probably complains when she gets home that she forgot to get butter, just like, she'll probably complain that her boyfriend just doesn't "add up" either. And maybe she argues when he does something she thinks is stupid (I hope she sees him making a list, one day).
 
And so what if anyone does anything that someone else thinks is stupid. (I'm not putting a ? there, because that would imply I want an answer)
 
I don't usually waste my time commenting to stuff like this,  but people like her make me angry ( like Marvin the Martian, angry). Where do they get off thinking that they have the right to tell you that you shouldn't do something, just because they think it's silly or stupid?

-- Shannon
 
I don't get mad, I actually find people like this amusing. Especially the part where I told her she had issues, and then she 1) agreed with me and 2) said that she wasn't afraid to speak her mind.

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