JM81 (12:11:26 AM):  I'm feeling rotten tonight.

john_j_doolittle (12:11:40 AM): What's the matter??

JM81 (12:11:56 AM):  I just wish I would die.

john_j_doolittle (12:12:38 AM): Wow , why is that?

JM81 (12:12:49 AM):  I've felt this way for a long time.

john_j_doolittle (12:13:29 AM): Do you want to talk about it, or does talking about it even help? I felt that way for a long time myself

JM81 (12:14:15 AM):  Talking doesn't help…nothing has ever helped.

john_j_doolittle (12:16:23 AM): Well I mean like, what do you think about that makes you feel bad?

JM81 (12:16:54 AM):  My life.

john_j_doolittle (12:18:48 AM): Does anything make you feel good? Anything that you enjoy?

JM81 (12:19:03 AM): No.

john_j_doolittle (12:19:27 AM): Nothing at all? Music? Any TV shows you like?

JM81 (12:19:33 AM): No.

john_j_doolittle (12:23:19 AM): Is there anything you've done in the past that helps at all?

JM81 (12:23:33 AM): No.

john_j_doolittle (12:24:27 AM): Hmmm….Are there meds that help?

JM81 (12:24:44 AM):  I spent about 11 years on meds…none helped.

john_j_doolittle (12:25:24 AM): Wow, I wish there was something I could say

JM81 (12:25:37 AM):  It's OK.

**time passes**

john_j_doolittle (1:12:59 AM): You still there?

JM81 (1:13:04 AM): Yup, I'm still here.

john_j_doolittle (1:13:19 AM): I'm sorry I didn't mean to ignore you

JM81 (1:13:31 AM): It's OK.

john_j_doolittle (1:14:21 AM): I was talking to someone else and our conversation had kind of hit a brick wall....but I have been thinking of you, I guess there just wasn't much else I could offer you on that subject

JM81 (1:14:36 AM): It's OK. I don't expect any real help.

john_j_doolittle (1:14:36 AM): Let me just ask you this: Do you want to get better?

JM81 (1:14:45 AM): Sure... otherwise I wouldn't have paid out my ass for meds and therapy for years

john_j_doolittle (1:16:15 AM): Well I know that for years I was depressed, and I hated my life and I drowned it in alcohol and I sat around wishing that things were different.....but wishing that things were different, I think, is not the same thing as wanting to get better. What are you willing to do to get better?

JM81 (1:16:38 AM): Anything that I haven't tried already.

john_j_doolittle (1:17:14 AM): Have you tried God?

JM81 (1:17:24 AM): I'm an atheist. I was raised Christian though.

john_j_doolittle (1:17:34 AM): So that would be no?

JM81 (1:17:46 AM): Again, I was raised Christian.

john_j_doolittle (1:18:03 AM): OK, but being raised Christian is not what I was talking about. Have you sought God?

JM81 (1:18:13 AM): I believed in God then.

john_j_doolittle (1:18:26 AM): I'm not talking about believing in God, I'm talking about seeking God

JM81 (1:18:57 AM): Um…OK?

john_j_doolittle (1:19:31 AM): Well you already don't believe, you can't make yourself believe what you don't believe

JM81 (1:19:35 AM): Exactly.

john_j_doolittle (1:19:52 AM): Do you want to believe?

JM81 (1:20:30 AM): Well, I spent years trying to convince myself of it... but now I don't really bother.

john_j_doolittle (1:20:50 AM): How did you try to convince yourself?

JM81 (1:21:17 AM): Going to church, reading the bible, meeting with preachers and priests, taking a religion course in school.

john_j_doolittle (1:21:54 AM): Well reading the Bible is really good, what did you read?

JM81 (1:22:08 AM): All of it over the course of a few years.

john_j_doolittle (1:22:33 AM): And what did you think?

JM81 (1:22:58 AM): I just don't buy it.

john_j_doolittle (1:23:40 AM): Well I'll ask you again, when you read it, did you want to believe it?

JM81 (1:23:52 AM): Yes.

john_j_doolittle (1:24:17 AM): Let me just give you one challenge ok?

JM81 (1:24:25 AM): OK

john_j_doolittle (1:25:01 AM): This is your life, ok, and your choice, but here is what I recommend: Take the Bible, go into a room alone, shut out all noise, just peace and quiet.

JM81 (1:25:38 AM): Well, I don't have a bible... but OK.

john_j_doolittle (1:25:50 AM): OK, well can you get one?

JM81 (1:26:13 AM): I can't afford to eat, much less buy a bible.

john_j_doolittle (1:26:26 AM): Can I send you one? Can you borrow one?

JM81 (1:27:05 AM): I've already read it.. it seems redundant. I spent 12 years of school studying it.

john_j_doolittle (1:27:53 AM): It sounds like you don't want to believe

JM81 (1:28:10 AM): No, I'm simply stating I spent a lot of time trying to convince myself.

john_j_doolittle (1:28:50 AM): You said that before....I don't want you to try to convince yourself

JM81 (1:29:16 AM): That's what you're asking me to do though.

john_j_doolittle (1:29:39 AM): No, I'm asking you to seek God's will for your life

JM81 (1:30:18 AM): But…I don't believe in God…so I guess I'm confused.

john_j_doolittle (1:30:37 AM): You have to want to believe

JM81 (1:30:52 AM): Well, I can want to, but I just don't.

john_j_doolittle (1:31:13 AM): If you want to, He will show Himself to you

JM81 (1:31:37 AM): Yes, I was told that for many years.

john_j_doolittle (1:32:14 AM): Being told to do something and actually wanting to do it are two different things

JM81 (1:32:35 AM): I did want it for many years. Now I'm tired of messing with it, honestly.

john_j_doolittle (1:32:51 AM): And if you didn't do it, you can't reasonably conclude that it doesn't work. OK. So let's try this, do you want to try now?

JM81 (1:33:45 AM): I suppose.

john_j_doolittle (1:34:00 AM): You have to do two things'

JM81 (1:34:07 AM): ok

john_j_doolittle (1:34:45 AM): First of all, you have to humble yourself before God, and that means that you have to get rid of everything that you believe already

JM81 (1:35:02 AM): That's easy as I believe nothing.

john_j_doolittle (1:35:13 AM): What I mean is, don't come to God thinking you already know what He's going to say. Don't come to God thinking you already know what the answers are, or come with any notions about what you want the answers to be. Just make yourself open to whatever He wants to show you, and ask Him to come into your heart. It's that simple. Seek God's will, and He will show you what He wants to show you. Are you willing to do that?

JM81 (1:38:40 AM): I guess... it sounds bizarre though.

john_j_doolittle (1:38:49 AM): Does it? It's not. Trust me. You just have to want it. Do you know what it is? It's called prayer. Try it, it's not hard. If you do, and do it earnestly, and do it every day, He will reveal Himself to you. Some folks LIVE that way

JM81 (1:40:44 AM): I prayed when I was younger and it was never like that.

john_j_doolittle (1:40:51 AM): OK…remember what I said: Forget what you know, forget what you were already taught because you know already that that didn't work. You’re sitting there every day wanting to kill yourself.

JM81 (1:41:21 AM): OK

john_j_doolittle (1:41:31 AM): Do it every day, get your Bible and open it and pray that God show you what He wants to show you. If you want it, He will show you. And I will pray for you every day, and you just promise that you will pray every day, at least for a week.

JM81 (1:52:53 AM): A week I can do.

john_j_doolittle (1:52:57 AM): OK then. I promise you if you do it for a week, and do it earnestly, God will show you something. Just be open to whatever it is He wants to show

JM81 (1:54:40 AM): OK, I will try.

john_j_doolittle (1:57:02 AM): The Bible tells us that if you seek God you will find Him, you just have to do it earnestly and without your own ideas getting in the way

john_j_doolittle (2:10:08 AM): If you need a Bible tonight, go here:  http://www.biblegateway.com/ …It’s an online Bible

john_j_doolittle (2:10:22 AM): Good night