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These are all the original artwork pictures that I have made up for this site
I've been contacted about doing an exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Not the one in New York, but the one in
Harlan County, Kentucky just outside Abernathy.
But not really.
June 10, 2001: This is a recreation of a famous scene from Little
House On The Prairie where Carrie fell down an abandoned mine shaft. This was the episode where she actually had a line.
Note the subtle use of monochromatic imagery.
June 22, 2001: Well the idea was that since all the cattle mutilations
always seem to involve missing eyes and tongues, then alien cows must have huge eyes and tongues. Since I made this picture,
it's been suggested that alien cows have more than one set of eyes, or tongues all over their bodies.
June 22, 2001: In these two pictures, I concluded that if the aliens are out there, they must be retarded
or something.
July 17, 2002: I imagine what wild cows would look like if they lived in trees. Obviously.
August 4, 2001: Not art, really, but its all mine
August 13, 2001: A Vulcan Smiley Face. If they had smiley faces.
August 18, 2001: I wondered why psychics always just tell you good stuff...
February 12, 2002 (originally posted in CHILDREN'S BOOKS): You know how sometimes you have this idea of
how things should look on the map even thought they don't look anything like what the real map looks like? Well, I drew mine.
May 7, 2002 (Originally posted in CHILDREN'S BOOKS): A recreation of a minimalist sketch I once did on a
wetboard.
One of the first hotel jobs I ever had was at a place in Richmond, VA in Shockoe Bottom (which means nothing
to you if you don't live there, but I like saying Shockoe Bottom because it sounds naughty). Anyway, they did thorough background
checks before they hired anyone, but this one time the front office hired a guy named Nelson who must have been 70 years old
and they didn't think it would hurt to go on and have him start training before the background check came in ('cause,
you know, he was 70 years old). Anyway he trained for like a week and he kept telling everyone that he wanted to work the
night shift. And then his background check came in and he had all these convictions for fraud and grand larceny and embezzlement;
he even had two aliases. And then the next day I drew a picture on the office board which I have duplicated (somewhat) here:
May 25, 2002: What do you get when you cross a hippo, and elephant, and a rhino?
May 30, 2002: My own universe
June 3, 2002: This is what Hitler would look like if he was a cartoon bunny. I didn't draw this, I just
added the stuff that makes him look like Hitler.
June 17, 2002: The Claw!!!!!!!!
August 2, 2002: The Poohda........I was just wondering what it would be like if Winnie The Pooh was the
Buddah, or became some kind of Eastern Religion icon. So then I drew this, and stuck in the background from an actual drawing
of Buddha.
September 17, 2002 - The Rhinostrich
October 10, 2002 - Well the first one is just a baby cupid thing, obviously. The second was supposed to be
a Sleestack but it looks like a really really old Sleestack who hangs out at the Time Portal yelling at the little monkey-people
to stay off his grass.
October 10, 2002 - Well you know how sometimes people get very existential and profound and wonder "what's
real" and "why are we here"? Well, sometimes I wonder if I'm not a person but a sophisticated robot and there are teeny
tiny people who live in my head and drive me like a car. I think I was thirty before I realized that everyone didn't have
this same exact fantasy as a child. Anyway this is kind of how I imagined it being.
(Artist's note: This is actually a picture of a security guy that I work with who one
night I surprised with the flash of a digital camera. He doesn't usually look this scary, although since he works security
it might actually be a good thing if he did.)
This probably works better if I didn't explain it, but when I was drawing it I imagined them using a kind of color-coded
alien console to control my reactions to my environment. It got changed from a steering wheel, obviously, because the console
was easier to draw. Note how I contrasted the guy's expressions. Maybe this explains the different sides of my personality....hmmmm.....
October 11, 2002 - Well Sleestacks really did scare the crap out of me when I was six, and so I figure the
only way to take away their power is to continue to make fun of them.
I began of course with the standard "finger up the nose" and thought I'd try the more difficult "I AM NOT LISTENING TO
YOU LA LA LA LA" which, most everyone would agree, is never not funny.
November 5, 2002: All of my self-portraits combined into one handy gif...there's me, me as a Klingon, me
as a Kung Fu master, me as THE CLAW!!! and me as a Borg drone
September 14, 2003: I saw this on the menu of a Southwestern-style burrito restaurant, and I wondered what
a Green Mole Chicken looked like and where they came from. it would help if I actually knew what a mole looked like, but all
I'm really sure of is that they dig and they don't have eyes. I didn't know that folks ate them or cross-bred them with
chickens, or that that was even possible. Maybe in New Mexico and Arizona they have geneticists trying to come up with alternate
forms of protein. Anyway, this is what I came up with.
THE CLAW!!!! and Bigfoot
The Claw!!! and his sidekick, Danger Boy...Note that in my whole life I've only drawn one picture of The
Claw!!! I just keep using it over and over for all these other pictures.
The cover art for the latest Doofus CD. It's the only one I actually drew.
At one time I imagined that Brickfish were used to create artificial crab meat....
October 13, 2004: A self portait of me, after I shaved my head, got an earring, and bought this really cool shirt with
a tiger on it.
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