I do know people who live with that level of frustration every day. They want things and they don't even know what they are. They get pissed off at stuff and they don't know why, stuff they don't even really care about. It's worse even than giving up hope, it's like not even knowing what hope is.

 

You can't help folks like this, at least not til they're ready to be helped. And that could take a long time, because as scared as they are of the sharks that are surrounding them in the water, they're infinitely more scared of having to grab onto a line and pull themselves out. The water and the sharks are at least familiar, but getting better means not just having to face the unknown, it means having to actually take action to affect change, even if it's just facing some unpleasant things about themselves or their past. Or whatever.

 

I don't know for sure, but here's kind of how I think about it: Say there's just something that universally just makes people happy, like puppies, or flowers, or smiley faces. People just like these things, even the ones who are too cool to actually admit that they've ever been happy. And then there are things that just seem to make people scared, or sad, or angry. But for whatever reason, these folks have all their wires crossed, and smiley faces make them angry, little kids and puppies make them angry, and skulls and demon things make them happy. And while it might be true that there is never really a proper way to feel....feelings just are what they are after all, and everyone is entitled to their own feelings...it's also true that things like anger and anxiety can be really unhealthy, and there's something seriously wrong when your reaction to kindness is fear, and your reaction to beauty is anger.

 

In a lot of ways, I don't really know what the hell I'm talking about.

 

Anyway, the thing is, I've dealt with enough people to at least recognize things like this, and if I don't know what causes people to have emotional reactions like this or how to help them deal with things like this, I at least know enough to keep far, far away from them.

 

Because as many people as there are like this, there seem to be equally as many who want to latch onto them, to "save" them. To be important and, ultimately, to be needed. Because, face it, when you become the only thing keeping someone sane and happy, then at least you know they'll never leave you. The odds are surprisingly favorable that they'll run you over with their car, or stab you with a kitchen knife when you drink straight from the milk carton, but it's true that they'll never leave you. Even when you want them to.

 

One of my favorite movies is Into The Night with Jeff Goldbloom and Michelle Pfeiffer. I just got Rosalie to watch it and, without going into any detail, she said she liked it.

 

I told Rosalie that the movie is like every guy's fantasy about meeting some hot but seriously screwed up woman, solving all her problems and sweeping her away. Rosalie pointed out to me, "...and she was even named Diana"

 

Um....yeah, Rosalie, thanks.

 

It's like Jeff Goldblum is just this regular guy and he gets swept up in this violent kind of criminal twilight zone where everyone knows each other by "reputation" and everyone is out for themselves. And he has to make all these decisions about what to do based on just being a normal, nice guy who's just trying to help.

 

Which is a nice fantasy. And is just as likely to happen as, say, finding a way into Narnia.

 

Wow, this has taken a pretty dark turn. I'm going to go watch Little House On The Prairie. I need a hug.