Now, just being Catholic says a lot: It's not just one thing. It says you believe in the Pope and Mary and eating the bread at mass. Just one word, Catholic, says all these things about what you believe and how you live.

 

Same with any religion, really, whether you're Jewish or Buddhist or Muslim. It's the same with any political stance, too, like how being a conservative defines your stance on everything from abortion to taxes to the death penalty, none of which has anything to do, really, with any of the others.

 

It seems to me, like people get upset if you don't buy a whole package. Like, you can't believe part of Buddhism and half of Judaism and most of Christianity: You have to be a Buddhist or a Jew or a Christian.

 

Now, say you're a stripper. Being a stripper technically just means that you take off your clothes in front of guys for money. It doesn't mean that you're below average intelligence, or slutty or a whore  with no morals.

 

Say you're someone's wife. Being a wife just means that you're married to someone. It doesn't mean anything else. It doesn't mean you're a servant and it certainly doesn't mean you're a punching bag, it doesn't come with the caveat that you cook and clean or anything else, it doesn't mean you have to agree with your husband or like the same things that he likes. All that stuff, people have to establish for themselves, as to boundaries and roles, and in the end being someone's wife means whatever she and her husband want it to mean.

 

There are just so many labels that we use for so many reasons and in so many areas. Most are things we just assume about each other, like stereotypes and prejudices.

 

Once I had a really hot therapist who asked me what does it mean to be a man. I didn't understand the question. So she clarified, and said, name some things that men do that are typically male, some traits or qualities that are uniquely male, or what makes you a good man?

 

And I said, I think that anything that would make me a good man are just the same things that would make me a good person. Like kindness, compassion, whatever. I think it kind of threw her, because I think she was expecting a different answer. She just said "ok" and moved on to something else.

 

I kind of thought at the time that I won some points, like I answered a question that she didn't think I would get. But now I wonder if she even knew what I was talking about.