The X-iles

Aye, There's the Rum

Sweeney Todd Review
NonEssential and NonExistent's NonsEnse
Push's Pad
Xtreme Unction's Labor of Love
Sacred Heart's Ambry
Satchie's "On the Safe Side"
Site Correspondence
Aye, There's the Rum
By agtmacgyver and Obfusc8er

Category: Humor

Disclaimer: We have very few worldly possessions. As
evidenced by the title, we obviously have no shame, either.
Please don't sue.

Characters: Jack and Elizabeth - kinda friendshippy, kinda

Rating: PG-13 for adult themes

Warnings: themes? Shameless disrespect to
Shakespearean quotes? Excessive drinking can make you
do things you'll regret?

Summary: Jack quotes and excessive rum should probably
not be mixed. It's a 500-word drabble for Pete's sake. Just
read it. *g*

"But where will we get a trebuchet that large?" Jack
pondered to himself, only to have his thoughts interrupted
by a very sharp, very pokey finger in his chest.

"I have a question to ask you, Mr. Sparrow."

The night had been very pleasant up to that point. The stars
were out, his Pearl was onshore for careening, and his crew
was trading stories and music 'round the bonfire. Actually,
now that he thought about it, he was wondering exactly
why the bonfire was necessary, since it was the Caribbean
and the fire was more likely to be a heat-sink than a heat-
source. Maybe that was the reason. Only a legendary
genius like Jack Sparrow could come up with a way to cool
himself off with fire...

The finger poked again. "Hey, are you paying attention?"
The poker was actually quite a bit more drunk than the
pokee, which was a rare occasion...possibly a miracle...
Anyway, since the poker was very drunk, the question was
more like, " 'Ey, you payin' attenssshun?"

Jack, who had obviously not been paying attenssshun,
responded, "Of course I am. Every word, luv."

Elizabeth removed her incredibly pointy, possibly-
device finger from Jack's chest. He surreptitiously checked
for a hole.

"Good. I wanted to ask you about something you told me a
while ago. Er...rather, something you told Will." Elizabeth
waved in the general direction of Marty. Jack squinted at
him, then returned his attention to his inebriated

"You're going to need to help me out, here, 'Lizbeth. I say
lots of things."

"Your phiphosoly, your philophosy..." Elizabeth blinked
and concentrated.

"Let's sit down, luv. Wouldn't want to have to explain to
dear William how we injured ourself havin' a
conversation." Jack grabbed Elizabeth's elbow as she
tottered over to a piece of driftwood and sat down.

"You know. Your philosophy about who a man can do, and
who a man can't do..." Elizabeth smiled happily, knowing
that through her relentless effort, she had gotten the word



"It's what, not who. What a man can do, and what a man
can't do..."

Built into some sort of drunken indignation, Elizabeth
ignored whatever it was Jack just said. "Well, what about a
woman?" She gave Jack her most penetrating gaze, which,
in her current condition, wouldn't have broken the skin on a


"Who a woman can do, and who a woman can't do..."

Jack scowled for a minute, trying to figure this thing out.
Unbidden visions of being a do-ee popped into his head,
which caused his normally shifty eyes to kick it up a notch
in the shifty department. Realizing he really didn't want to
continue this conversation, he leapt to his feet. "
think that's me rum calling me home for dinner." He
scurried back to the Pearl, glancing back occasionally to
make sure Elizabeth wasn't following him.

Elizabeth snorted and took another swig of rum. "Pirates."