***************
From "The Day I Tried to Live" by Soundgarden

Words you say never seem
To live up to the ones
Inside your head
The lives we make
Never seem to ever get us anywhere
But dead

***************



I thought of you the other day during group
therapy. So they call it. Anyway, I was forced to
endure yet another session of self-esteem
enhancement. You could cut the edification with a
knife. The therapist asked us to think of
something positive, in fact, the last time each of
us had felt content with our lives. As much as I
hate to admit it, the last time I was happy, I was
you.

It was your life. Well, not really, but the life
you could have, if you tried. Heck, I didn't even
try that hard. All I had to do was give your
partner a chance to let me listen to her. Easy as
that.

I think of you every now and then, actually. I
have plenty of time to contemplate now, thanks to
you. I am trapped here, but I feel somehow
satisfied in knowing that you confine yourself.
You must be a smart guy, really. I saw some of the
work you've done. Looney, but smart. And you
managed to snag Agent Scully for a partner. Nice
work there, too.

The thing is that you're clueless. Totally. Do you
know what it's like to be rejected by every woman
you meet? To be just "a guy" and never "the" guy?
Sure, I'm a loser. I've been informed enough times
by now, but at least I take advantage of
my...advantages. I would almost feel sorry for you,
if you weren't currently wasting the chance of my
lifetime.

And it must eat at you, since you do all of that
psychological profiling stuff, that I can know
people better than they know themselves, and that
includes you. It's interesting to see how other
people are treated. Comes in handy on Halloween,
too. Don't have to buy a costume.

You have it all, really, or you could. I know.
I've seen a lot of different lives, and yours has
all of the ingredients I want. I wonder if it's
everything you want. If she's everything you want.
Even living your life doesn't tell me that.

When I do seize my only opportunity, it's illegal,
and you don't see the chances right in front of
you. We should get together sometime and swap
lives. How about Thursday morning, after my weekly
advocate meeting? Then you'd have the pleasure of
wearing this stupid hat.

The X-Files and related entities belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Fox. I write only for the profit of feedback, not money.