xxxxxxx
Day One
xxxxxxx


I saw the sun today.

It made me think of her.

I saw the sun through a crack in the universe. So
accustomed to the dark and lost in time...so inverted and
unaware was I that it reached in, touched me, and withdrew
before I could recognize it. The moment was tantalizing,
almost unreal. I tried to convince myself that it would
return. I would be ready next time, ready to follow its
elusive rays. Light, even cold and too weak to impart
color, was a foreign thing, a strange, fragile intruder
that glided in on the wings of a golden butterfly and
disintegrated around me.

It promised me comfort; it rocked me gently in its arms.
Later, I realized that I was alone again, rocking back and
forth with no one's arms wrapped around me but my own. I
felt like a fool and lay down on the stony floor. My
stomach growled, my mouth went dry, bruised muscles
protested, but my discomfort was overshadowed by shock. The
sun had such power over me. Betraying, misleading power.

Just a glint. A lure. I had already lost.

I pressed my forehead against the smooth floor and closed
my eyes in surrender.

"No sleeping!"


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Day Two
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I saw the sun today.

It made me think of her.

Luminescent fingers pried at my eyelids. Pain. Pain from
the light and from the darkness. When I opened my eyes, the
rays sparkled like magic, carrying aurulent dust and the
unbridled specks of my hope that threatened to be swept
away with each passage of the dark shape before me. This
time I was not overwhelmed. The sun, however tiny its form,
was familiar now. But all I wanted was an answer, and it
would give me none.

"I want some answers!"

I studied the light for answers, searching with my eyes,
with my soul. There was nothing to be gleaned, and the pain
returned. I squinted against the blows, unable to protect
myself in any other way. Still, the radiant sliver would
not leave me. I opened my eyes again, since I could not
hide. The dust sparkled and danced in the air around the
black baton, riding invisible currents stirred by an unseen
hand.

Finally, the dark shape obliterated most of the light,
leaving only a small patch of sun glinting through a tiny
rip in the fabric of my universe. Something about that
adamantine visitor spoke to me. I sat still and very quiet,
unsure of the message.

"No sleeping!"

Black devoured the pinpoint, but its ghost still resonated
inside my head. I listened intently to a voice that was at
once elusive and innate. Time passed in secret, but I could
not discern the message. It remained just out of reach,
taunting me. Demanding an unknown price of me. I grew
frustrated and jumped to my feet, ignoring my dissenting
body, and yelled into the darkness.

"What do you want from me?!!!"

I asked the question not of my human captors, but of my
universe. The answer came to me as I stood there, hands
clenched into fists and trembling under a gamut of
emotions.

Hope.


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Day Three
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I saw the sun today.

It made me think of her.

I felt its presence before I saw it. At that moment, I was
slipping away with each echo of my heartbeat. It would have
been so easy to succumb to the madness...ever so easy. The
sun extended its being across 93 million miles to encompass
my body. Its warmth permeated exposed skin and fear. I
lacked the strength to react, so I simply waited. I was
ready to quit, but the coruscation would not allow it.

Fight, it told me, but I no longer felt human. I was
convinced that my exile was becoming more irreversible with
each passing second. My strength and resolve had been
stripped away, leaving only a quivering animal behind. I
was desperate for water and longed for sleep with every
fiber of my being. My mind had degenerated, able to
comprehend only basic needs. Water. Sleep.

And her.

I turned over and opened my eyes. For the first time, I
saw the brightness of the sun's rays beating down on my
battered frame. Humiliation was the objective, a power
play. I saw what I was meant to see, however, in spite of
all efforts to the contrary; I still had life, therefore a
reason to fight.

And even though she was not with me, I still had her. I
still had her in the startling and perfect beauty of that
small piece of sun. The dark forms entered my universe
again, but I still had her.

"What are you thinking?"

I had to survive, at any cost. I still had her.

I said words that burned my own ears and made my bile rise:
lies, distortions, and aberrations of everything I'd ever
stood for. I did not believe them in my heart, though. I
had compromised my ideals, sold myself for a moment's
respite, but I would live to make retribution another day.

The shadows left my little universe. My tired eyes
registered the return of the featureless void. I was alone
again, damaged, unable to see to my most immediate needs,
but none of that mattered. The utter desolation of the
blackness surrounding no longer had dominance. The evil at
the door held no power over me.

I closed my eyes. I thought of her.

And I could still see the sun.

The X-Files and related entities belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Fox. I write only for the profit of feedback, not money.