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* * *
The walls loom grey and pressing, unfamiliar in their company. She feels
small in this room. She holds onto a cold, limp hand, afraid that the strange
quiet lurking around her might swallow her up if she lets go. She has to stay,
though, because he also has no choice.
There is a constant presence of guards just outside his door, but without her,
he would still be very much alone. So she visits when she can, tells him
about her day and hums to him softly. He is not very aware, she thinks, but
it feels right. The doctors come and go, their drugs always leaving him in a
glazed state. It makes her sad, but she knows it will not last forever. He will
get to go home eventually. She only has to wait. She has a good enough
reason.
He loves her.
He told her so before coming here, finally confirming the fact after years of
avoiding their mutual feelings. It was obvious to them both. Perhaps not to
everyone else.
She loves life, despite the awful challenges it sometimes places in front of
her, but her friendship with him has often made the good seem outweighed.
It was not him, but how everyone else treated him. She felt her heart
crushed every time someone would look at him like he was from another
planet. Something about him made people hate him. Or perhaps they were
afraid. She could never quite tell.
She never interfered, though. He always wanted to deal with it himself.
She sniffles, wiping a couple of stray tears from the back of his hand. His
grasp closes around hers for a moment, then releases. It is all he can
manage. She smiles at him, instantly consoled by the light of recognition in
his eyes. She lays his hand down beside him and covers it quickly with the
blanket, knowing that he would rather not be coddled.
"Hi. I...missed you."
She had seen him only yesterday. He nods agreement to her statement.
"The doctor said that you'll be able to get out of here soon. I'm going to
bake you a really huge cake for the party we're having."
She leans closer.
"It's supposed to be a surprise. Shhh."
His lips curve into a slight smile beneath her finger. She feels very warm
suddenly and wishes they were in a more private situation. A normal life,
with a house of their own. Privacy to be close, to express their feelings...to
behave like adults behave. As it is, they share only small moments of heated
desire that neither of them quite knows how to act upon. But she also has
his friendship, and that means more to her than any dreamed reality. He
makes her feel like a queen. He understands her. He opens himself only to
her. She knows she has something special.
The nurse opens the door, diverting her attention.
"Visiting time is almost over."
"Okay," she replies quietly, nodding.
Alone with her audience once again, she continues her daily talk with him.
"I hope you like the cake," she says bashfully, looking down at the floor.
She doesn't bake often, and she wants nothing more than to please him. "It'll
be just the way you always want...chocolate with cream cheese icing. And
stars."
The drug-slackened face before her works slowly. He is trying to tell her
something, but he has difficulty. She already knows, though.
He loves the stars, and always has. The last time he was home, he asked her
to keep something very important while he was gone. He had given her his
universe. His trust. With him, she is safe.
With him, she is understood.
"Love you, Roland."
"Y-...oo too."
She stands, wipes away the wetness from his cheek with a tissue, and
slowly walks back toward the stranger world.
* * *
End
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