Claudia's Angel
When I first started this page I wasn't sure what
I wanted it to be about. I had thought
first about continuing the mythology theme of most
of the other pages I've done.
Then after doing the Angel Roses page and talking
about Unanswered Prayers and Secrets of the Heart
I decided to dedicate this page to a special friend of mine.
Many of you may be able to relate
to the story I'm getting
ready to tell. I'll
apologize in advance if it reminds
anyone of past pains but I will
also smile with you in the hope
that it will also bring to mind
wonderful memories you've shared with
a special friend. My story
is a little bit of both.
To talk about the bond and
closeness, that special feeling
between best friends, kinda takes
me back to high school days.
But I found that Best Friends
continue to exist even when
we're grown, have families and
children of our own.
My best friend is named Claudia.
We worked together for many years
and developed a special bond.
I can't even count the number
of breaks or lunch hours we spent confiding
hurts, fears and joyous moments together.
Somehow I thought they'd last forever.
But as often happens, fate had
something else in store.
A couple of months ago my
friend married and moved to another state.
For days prior to her leaving we cried.
Even then I'm not quite sure I
believed it was actually going to happen.
But of course it did.
The night before she left, she
came to my house. We couldn't
bear to say goodbye at work.
The pain was much too personal
for that. During that evening
we laughed and talked, just like
we had always done. But I
noticed that we were very careful
not to catch each others eye
for too long. I guess
we both knew that the reality
would sink in if we did.
As it got later and was time
for her to leave, the laughs
weren't as frequent and we began
to make small talk, searching
for things to say, that had no
personal meaning.
Claudia left the next morning,
she called me one last time to
say goodbye. I don't really
remember the first few days after
she was gone. I didn't
even realize how I had changed
my daily routines. Well meaning
coworkers would say things like
"You must be lost without Claudia,
the two of you were inseparable."
I guess they could tell from
the look on my face, I was lost.
I no longer took breaks
and although there was a small group
we had always gone to lunch with,
and I continued that practice,
I found myself participating less
and less. Last week someone
made an offhand comment,
not intentionally cruel, but cutting
nontheless, about how I needed
to find a new Best Friend.
It was at that moment I realized
I didn't want a new Best Friend,
that in fact, I hadn't even
reconciled myself to Claudia being gone.
It was like Claudia was on
a long vacation and would be back soon.
My heart hadn't accepted
her leaving and my mind had followed suit.
So for now I'll keep waiting.
It's just too soon,
I'm not ready to let her go.
Maybe some day I will be.
We still write everyday,
thank god for computers,
and talk almost as often,
but I miss her more than I could
ever say. One thing I can do
though is to let her know that
I'm with her everyday in spirit.
I'm sending a little guardian Angel
to watch over her while I'm not there.
It's a joke between us since
my nickname in the chat rooms is
Angel Twin. Trust me on this,
she knows better than anyone,
I'm no Angel! So the little
Angel you see below is Claudia's Angel
and within her tiny body is my heart.
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