:

With the help of the American Civil Liberties Union,  Chris
Bontrager,  of Goshen,  got his "ATHE1ST" license plate –
we erroneously reported earlier that the man was from Elk-
hart,  and we and the Columbus Republic both  erroneously
reported earlier that the application was for  "atheist,"  not
"ATHE1ST"  (and one of our readers pointed out  that  our
hyphenation  for a line break,  "a-theist,"  contradicted  the
term). . . .

Liquor  stores  were at war with convenience stores in the
legislature over the latter's attempt to sell cold beer. . . .

A boy wore his father's jeans to grade school  in  Anderson,
with cocaine in the pocket.
                                              [courtesy Columbus Republic]

keshmarc.jpg Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Keshawn Cleveland Wade, retail fraud; Lacy Anne Shue, assault with a dangerous weapon; Marceish Tramell-Dayah Meridy, larceny in a bldg (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

The Sheriff of Carroll County was arrested for  burglary  and
theft of controlled substances. . . .

Jessamine County firefighters rescued a 900-pound cow stuck
in the mud.
                                                                    [courtesy LEX18]

  



– and here's a link to Lexington's most wanted as they appear in the Herald-Leader.

elshacau.jpg Lexington's most wanted: pulled kicking and screaming, as usual from the Herald-Leader; but the Herald-Leader did not tell us, last week, the name, race, sex (the criminal law has not yet been "gender"-ized), height or weight of any of the wanted, let alone the offense for which he or she was wanted - but, we found, when you saved the images, the suggested file name was the perp's name (surname first), and, if you just "left"-clicked the image, you would see the name (and, in most cases, race, sex, age, height and weight) superimposed on the screen - a new dumb web twist); Jane Elshawa, WF, 38, 5'9", 190 lbs, robberey, persistent felony offender - Jane had prior appearances in Tabloid Headlines - March 6 and October 30, 2016 - but this is her first appearance as "featured fugitive of the week"; Lekeisha Caudill, WF, 29, 5'2", 170 lbs, overstaying welcome at China Buffet; Chrisa Maddox, WF, 40; she, too; crystori.jpg Justin Wakeley, WM, 180 lbs, bad ass; Crystal King, 29, 5'1", 160 lbs, delusions of grandeur (she's been here before, too - March 7, 2017); Tori Rodriguez, BF, 33, 5'7", 141 lbs, selling firewater in a dry county; Susan Houston, WF, 36, 5'7", 125 lbs, too slim to be in jail (gives the term "broad" a bad connotation); Richard Zamora, WM, 51, 5'6", 220 lbs, rake; barkharl.jpg William Barker, WM, 37, 5'10", 245 lbs; Harlan Bivins, WM, 36, 6'0", 165 lbs; Jess Fleming, WM, 39, 5'10", 175 lbs; Andre Goree, BM, 32, 6'0", 215 lbs; Ronnie Ellis Jr., BM, 37; Byron Miller, WM, 45, 5'9", 145 lbs; Terrence Howell, BM, 46, 5'6", 185 lbs: All wanted for general mobery

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "Back  from  sabbatical.  Spinning on this dirtball at over a thousand miles an   hour with no visible means of support, I've been singing in the church choir." – Leonard Simon

stevcash.jpg Celebrity lookalikes: Steve Bannon, Johnny Cash

sarahjen.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas), Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week: Sarah Fanchieer, 29, 125 lbs, 5'5", brown hair, green eyes, surety off bond, unlawful possession of firearm; Jeanette Powell, 61, 118 lbs, 5'4", gray hair, brown eyes, manufacture/delivery controlled substance pgi u/i1g

A 3-year-old girl from Atlanta, Georgia, swiped the Pope's cap right
off his head at a papal audience in Rome (there's video). . . . Nation-
al Public Radio reported Thursday  that  the London truck terrorist is
believed to have acted alone and that police made eight arrests (???).
. . . Snoop Dogg shot a clown named Ronald Klump (and looking like
Donald Trump) in a rap video. . .  .  Malaysian censors' request to cut
gay scenes from the Disney film Beauty and the Beast was denied. ...
Humpback whales were congregating in groups of dozens to hundreds
off the coast of South Africa. .  .  .  Dispensers with facial recognition
apps were installed in bathrooms in Beijing to deter  toilet paper  thie-
very.  .  .  .  The British Medical Association advised the profession to
use the term "pregnant people" instead of "expectant mothers," in ord-
er not to offend intersex or transgender men who might be "expecting."

                                                                [courtesy Harper's, NPR, AP]

caliself.jpg Sports celebrity lookalikes, University of Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari, University of Kansas' Bill Self

I'm a 13-year-old female and I can't find a job.  My mom is
cheating on my stepdad.  I feel I have to be as independent
as possible right now;  otherwise  I  won't  be  able  to  do
things.

I need to raise money for a camera.  Photography is my pas-
sion.  It's all I want in life.    It's the only thing I'll ever love,
besides my grandma, who is 72 with dementia.

Please help.  I'm in a very big pickle.  Is there any point to
living?   How do I get a job at 13?   How do I confront my
mother?  Why can't my grandma be cured?  Why is my life
the worst thing about me?  Please help me.

                                        Anonymous Teen in the Midwest

lifeboat.jpg Life Saver Dude: Anticipatin' the Flood, Dude?

:

A "transgender man" identified only as "John Doe" lost his/-
her  suit  in federal court in Indianapolis  to  change  his/her
name to a man's name because he/she is an illegal immigrant
from Mexico, and under Indiana law you must be a citizen to
change your name.
                                                      [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

jessjenn.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Jessie Lottie, BF, 5'10", 210 lbs, residential entry, invasion of privacy, escape, violation of court order; Jennifer Krueger, WF, 5'4", 240 lbs, theft x4 (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

The Dunkirk City Judge was sentenced to a year in jail,  sus-
pended, and 100 hours of community service for shoving the
police chief (who is his nephew). . . .

Indiana University's  Tri  Delt  sorority chapter protested its
closing  (but we still don't know what it was closed for).

                                                [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Houses neighboring a shooting range in Spencer were being
struck by stray bullets.
                                                                     [courtesy Fox59]

carljala.jpg Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Carlos Antonio Johnson, BM, failure to register as sex offender; Jason Wayne-James Powell, WM, domestic violence 2 x3; Larmarion Dashon Walls, BM, B&E, assault by strangulation, dangerous weapon, text hacking

          

wintgard.jpg Winter Guard members shown above in no particular order: Emily Vincent, Tabitha Miller, Emma Lindsey, Kaley Hartz, Destiny Holt, Elle Madison, Shaw'nee Brooks, Macie Glass and Skylyn Arms

Edmonson County's first-ever Winter Guard went undefeated
this season.  . . . These girls are ready to show what they have
learned during the off season.   Coach Autumn Stevenson ex-
plained, "I knew the color guard was not ready yet due to the
fact Winter Guard calls for a  much  higher  skill  level  of the
sport. . . ."
                   [courtesy  Edmonson  News –  exact  words, both
                    caption  and  article – nowhere is it said,  in  the
                    entire 9-paragraph article, beginning on page 1
                    and jumping to page 8,  what  a "Winter Guard"
                    is  or what the competition entails  –  but,  here,
                    Wikipedia may help]

Trends .  .  . Dabbing.  Dabbing is a type of dance move that
started out in the Atlanta hip hop scene.  Although it started
in hip hop, the Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton
made the dab more of household move across the world.  If
you interested in learning to dab all you would have to do is
put your head in your elbow and extend your arm out.  This
dance literally looks like you  are  sneezing.  The  Dab  is  a
newly  started  trend  and will more than likely be  a  longer
trend.  The urge to dab is unbearable.

                                            [Edmonson News (exact words)]

Arizona Senator John McCain said fellow Republican Sena-
tor Rand Paul of Kentucky was working for Vladimir Putin,
and Paul responded that McCain is "unhinged." . . .

Two Kentucky hunters who killed two bull elk in Wyoming in
2014  for the cable TV show  Hunting in the Sticks  lost  their
Wyoming hunting licenses and were fined $31,000 for poach-
ing.
                                                       [courtesy Associated Press]
       

zachkala.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Zachary Bompass, WM, 20, 5'8", 155 lbs, whomping ass; Kalane White, BF, 28, 5'3", 145 lbs, "featured fugitive of the week," rape, sodomy; Lindsey Wilson, WF, 28, shamed the college in Columbia, Ky., named after her; Dequan Pirtle, BM, 18, mirtle, thirtle, abuse of a turtle (pulled kicking & screaming from the Herald-Leader); billglen.jpg Billy Newby, WM, 33, 6'1", 150 lbs, illegal haircuit; Glenda Hicks, WF, 36, 5'1", 110 lbs, 'What did I do?'; Terquise Barnes, BM, 21, 6'1", 160 lbs, beat up his mama for misspelling "Turquoise"; Scharleigh Rogers-Graham, BF, 27, 5'7", 145 lbs, whatever she did, she regrets it; Harold White Jr., BM, 56, 5'9", 150 lbs, he's got Scharleigh's back

A garbage truck plowed into the side of a school bus in Scott
County (none of the 20 children aboard the bus was injured). . . .

A 15-year-old Lawrenceburg girl was beaten and slashed by
her 18-year-old boy friend after she looked at  a  former  boy
friend's page on Clutterbook Facebook – which is where she
and the new boy friend, from North Carolina, met. . . .

Legislators from Kentucky's coal mining counties were warm-
ing up to the idea of nuclear energy.
                                                                        [courtesy LEX18]

shunnson.jpg Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week, wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Shunnon Pyeng, 20, black hair brown eyes, 180 lbs, 6'01", surety off bond, burglary of habitation; Sonia Ann Canales, 37, black hair brown eyes, 200 lbs, 5'7", violation of probation, injury to a child/elderly/disabled with intent bodily injury

Algae turned a lake in Melbourne, Australia, hot pink. . . . People
who ate Peeps-flavored Oreos reported their mouths, tongues and
excrement had turned pink. . . .  Officials told residents of Onoway,
Canada that their tap water,  contaminated with hot pink potassium
permanganate,  was safe for consumption. .  .  . Thirty-one persons
killed in an explosion at a fireworks market  in  Tultepec,  Mexico,
were remembered in a fireworks display. .  .  . Psychologists at the
University of Freiburg, Germany, used smile contagion results on a
sample of viewers to determine that the Mona Lisa, yes, actually is
smiling.  .  .  .  T-Rex, a rubber ducky and a penguin were added to
Monopoly  tokens,  and the thimble, the wheelbarrow and the boot
were retired.
                                                                     [courtesy Harper's, AP]

Trace Adkins is the latest to butcher the  National Anthem,
at last Sunday's final game of the Southeastern Conference
college basketball tournament ( and a number of other ath-
letic events). . . .

Dept. of Pretty Safe Bets:  A Cincinnati, Ohio, restaurateur
promised  free  steak  dinners  to all undergraduates  (about
15,000)  at Northern Kentucky University  (across the river
in  Highland Heights,  Ky.)  if their basketball team beat the
University of Kentucky in the first round of the NCAA tour-
nament (UK won, 79-70). . . .

Dogs reached a check point on the Iditarod in Alaska with-
out their musher,  who had fallen out of his sled asleep.

adelakim.jpg Snagged in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County Sheriff): Adela Suniga Lopez, WF, 52, black/brown, 5'4", 130 lbs, poss cs; Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas) Kimberly Cortinez, HF, 24, 5'6", 124 lbs, burglary of a habitation, a/k/a Pocahontas (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

I've had a few negative encounters with dog owners who in-
vited me to their home and became upset when I pushed their
pet away when it tried to jump/lick/nudge me (I did it gently).

I understand that I have entered the dog's territory, but I think
it's inconsiderate of pet owners  not only refusing to restrain
their pets but also implying that I'm somehow a lesser human
being for not tolerating my personal space being infringed on
by an animal.

I would never allow my  children  to behave that way around
guests.  If I saw that people were uncomfortable with my chil-
dren climbing on them, I would tell the kids to refrain.   Am I
wrong?
                                                                        Dog Encounters

lifefred.jpg Life Saver Dude: Get a grip, Dude! Your pals seem OK with life . . . .

:

This graphic is for our de- voted  reader  David  Fos- ter.    The person that post- ed   it   mentioned  the  six yellow northwestern coun- ties' proximity to Chicago, which retains Central time (Standard  and   "Daylight Saving"),  but  offered  no explanation   for  the  five yellow   counties   in   the southwest.  One can guess it's  the  proximity  of  Ev- ansville  to St. Louis,  but that's 167  miles.  A more likely explanation  is  that the line between  Spencer and   Perry  counties   ap- proximates  the  line divi- ding the Central and East- ern time zones in Kentuck- y,  across  the  Ohio River. The major city in the Cen- tral  there  is  Owensboro.

The upper two blue counties  are  in  the    Cincinnati metropolitan area and go with    that city's practice; the lower three, in the    Louisville metropolitan area.

A 9-year-old blind boy with cerebral palsy who died  in  Vi-
go County weighing only 15 pounds was found in an autop-
sy to have methamphetamine in his system  (another  15-lb.
boy in the same county, age 5, survived). . . .

The  Tri Delt  sorority at Indiana University in Bloomington
was shut down by its national office for involvement in "ac-
tivities that do not represent our high standards"  (no details
released – stay tuned, or use your imagination). . . .

A state Senate committee has taken up a bill that would re-
quire school districts to adopt policies allowing  prayer out
loud  at school events such as sports and assemblies. . . .

A truck driver's cat,  Percy,  jumped out of the semitrailer at a
rest stop in Ohio, not to be found; but after 400 miles through
rain and snow,  the driver found Percy clinging to the rig's un-
dercarriage in Shoals, Indiana.
                                                                  [Columbus Republic]

tonyajul.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Tonya Ewing-Gates, BF, 5'6", 120 lbs, intimidation; Julianne Kinder, WF, 5'2", 120 lbs, meth (Michiana Crime Stoppers); Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Jasmine Kiara Bates, BF, uttering and publishing; Alisha Timece Butler-Brown, counterfeiting; Ashley Rochelle Armstrong and Miesha Lashawn-Marquel Fuller, both wanted for uttering, publishing, and passing counterfeit currency

A Boone County man sentenced to 20 years in prison for scalp-
ing his girl friend  and siccing his pit bull on her  told the judge
it was the pit bull's fault,  he'd take the 20,  and skip the lecture,
please.
                                            [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

tomikreb.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Tomika Griffin, BF, 39, 5'0", 150 lbs, 'featured fugitive of the week,' child abuse; Rebecca Lairson, WF, 34, 5'6", 180 lbs, overstaying her welcome at China Buffet; Jessica Manandhar, WF, 25, 5'4", 145 lbs, thinks tipping drunks is funny; Shauna Walsh, WF, 32, 5'10", 165 lbs, not amused; Tiffany Wicker, WF, 32, 5'5", 102 lbs, twisted (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader; not pictured Jayonytai McCann, BF, 19)

"The internet's lack of filter has made all beliefs appear equally valid,  since you can always
 find 'evidence' and opinion on line to back up even the most nonsensical notions, with no a-
 greed-upon authority to differentiate fact from fiction.  It's a 'post truth' era."
                                                                                                                              – The Week magazine

fantalex.jpg Snatched in San Angelo: Fantasia Monique Martinez, 23, 5'0", 110 lbs, assault on a public servant; Alexandra Rene Rivas, 39, 4'1", 145 lbs, forgery

kimblori.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas), Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week: Kimberly Holloway, 54, black hair, brown eyes, 150 lbs, 5'5", bond forfeiture, theft of property o/$2,500, two or more previous convictions; Lori Veitenheimer, 38, brown hair & eyas, 120 lbs, 5'7", violation of probations, burglary of habitation

The editorial offices of Tabloid Headlines were  wiretapped  by Pres-
dent Obama. . . . Visitors to the zoo in Tunis, Tunisia, stoned a croco-
dile to death. . . .  It did not not snow in Chicago in January or Febru-
ary. . . .  Three men were arrested for  jacking  off  to the rhythm of a
drum in Chiniot, Pakistan. .  .  . After testifying to Congress about be-
ing detained at the airport in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, returning from
Jamaica,  Muhammad Ali Jr. and his mother were detained  again,  at
Reagan National Airport  in Washington, before being allowed to get
on a flight back to Fort Lauderdale.  .  .  .  A study found at least 127
persons killed taking selfies since 2014 – the majority in India, Paki-
stan and the United States.  .  .  .  A  book  titled  Reasons to Vote for
Democrats  containing 260 pages –  all  blank  – was a best-seller on
Amazon.com.
                                                   [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AOL, AP]

Dear Eleanor:                            My mama told me that                            smiling  is  contagious.                            Is that true?                                                   Molly Dear Molly:                         It's true!  Look what your                         smile did to Sue Sue!                         And thanks for the pitture!

:

An Elkhart woman told police she smothered her 7-year-
old daughter and 6-year-old son to death because she did
not want them to be  tortured  and killed by a drug cartel
(which had cut their father into pieces six years ago). . . .

The state Senate passed a bill to eliminate a financial incen-
tive  for  solar  energy  installations,  and the state House of
Representatives passed a bill to put prayer back in school. . . .

In a public records request the Indianapolis Star learned that
Vice President Mikey used a  personal  AOL e-mail  account
on  homeland  security  matters  while  Governor  of  Indiana
("LOCK HIS ASS UP! LOCK HIS ASS UP! LOCK HIS ASS
UP!") . . .

An Elkhart man's application for a  license  plate  reading  "a-
theist"  was  denied.
                                                   [courtesy Columbus Republic]

danathan.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Jennifer O'Banion, WF, 5' 9", 115 lbs, robbery; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Daniel Nathaniel Potts Jr., BM, failure to register as sex offender; Samantha Kay Johnson, assault on a cop (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

A postal delivery vehicle was caught  on  video  knocking  over
household trash cans on the streets of Lexington. . . .

Graffiti (such as "WONDER BREASTS") were being carved in
and painted on natural rock formations in the Red River Gorge. . . .

The state House of Representatives passed a bill to allow deliv-
ery companies to use golf carts in the streets.
                                                                           [courtesy LEX18]

A bill advanced in the state Senate that would allow requirement
of a bond up to a quarter-million dollars to appeal an adverse zo-
ning decision from a circuit court (such as the one that prohibited
construction of a new Wal-Mart in Louisville's West End,  where
you'll still find  a  plethora  of  African-American  mom-and-pop
shops).
                                                              [courtesy Courier-Journal]

        . . .

laurels2.jpg 2 arrested after chase truck, Michelle Neal, 41, driver, DUI, Casey Lainhart, 40, public intox., Neal was charged with wanton endangerment also; a police car was hit in the chase (LEX18)

The police department of Catlettsburg, in eastern Kentucky,  re-
luctantly decided to drop the image of the Carmel comics aven-
ger the Punisher from its "Blue Lives Matter" logo.

                                                            [courtesy Huffington Post]

natobesh.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Natasha Corman, WF, 36, 5'2", 120 lbs, firewater; Tobeshia Denton, BF, 37, heightless, weightless, feckless; James Fobear, WM, 29, 6'3", 230 lbs, forbore being a good boy; Carlina Maynard, WF, 46, 5'8", 250 lbs, main-line mayhem (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader); radwalsh.jpg Mohammed Radwan, Polynesian male, 35, 5' 7"; Ashley Jones, BF, 25, 5'2", 160 lbs; Crystal King, WF, 29, 5'1", 160 lbs; Reesa Walsh, WF, 55: Write 'em up!

"If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that a
 hostage situation?"
                                   – George Carlin

aledeidr.jpg Texomas' most wanted fugitives of the week (the most wanted in Wichita Falls -- Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Alexandra Soto, 23, brown hair & eyes, 200 lbs, 5'0", surety off bond, violation of probation, possession of controlled substance, PG1 o/4G u200G; Deidra Sharna Embers, 25, black hair, brown eyes, 130 lbs, 5'1", violation of probation, possession of controlled substance pg1 u/1G

    

rockfall.jpg 'Watch for falling rock' in Oregon

Rachel Dolezal, who was outed in 2015 as the white president
of the Spokane,Washington, branch of the National Association
for the Advancement  of  Colored People,  now  claims  to  be
"trans"-black  (and the former professor is on food stamps and
about to lose her home). . . . McDonald's and Wendy's were au-
tomating (i.e., unworkering) their fast food ordering  (so,  even
"McJobs" are on their way out?). . . . Norwegian Public Broad-
casting began testing its readers,  who must now pass a quiz on
an article on line before being allowed to add comments.

                                        [courtesy Fox, Winsdstream, NPR, AP]

                                        

pantcake.jpg Pancake Thomas, 23, 6' 4", 195 lbs, Western Kentucky University basketball (that's his actual name, folks)

A student who made a half-court shot in a halftime promotion
at a University of Louisville  women's  basketball  game  was
denied the $38,000 prize because he was a basketball player. . . .

A woman appearing to be in her 20's took off her clothes and
joined a high school boys' track team running practice in Cor-
bin.   Police arrested her for indecent exposure, public intoxi-
cation, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest,  and asked the
public to help identify her because she carried  no  identifica-
tion  and  "didn't know who she was." . . .

A "transgender boy" on testosterone won the "girls'" wrestling
championship in Texas. . . .

Retired star Candice Wiggins complained that she was bullied
in  the  Women's  National  Basketball  Association  for  being
straight.

jeanette.jpg Arrested in Abilene; Jeanette Rodriguez, 27; Joshua Conner, WM, 21, 5'6", 140 lbs, continuous family assault; Christy Stewart, WF, 42, 5'9", 150 lbs, burglary of a habitation; all very happy to be here (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

My 19-year-old granddaughter has three tattoos  and a ring  in
her nose.  Is there anything I can do or say to stop this cosmet-
ic explosion?
                                                           Gramps in New Orleans

Dear Grumps:                             Dream  on!    Que  sera,  sera!                             Co  bêdzie,  to  bêdzie!  What-                             ever will be, will be; and who-                             ever  will be,  will be whoever                             she'll be.                             But,   I  feel  your  pain.   My                             lovely  li'l'  15-year-old niece                             just  got a buzz cut  and  now                             looks like Brick in the Middle.

lifecity.jpg Life Saver Dude: Hey, Dudes, my bucket list of cities I need yet to visit . . . Brownhole, Texas, Butt, Montana, Cancunt, Mexico, Cleavage, Ohio, Crack Ass, Venezuela, Cuyahoga Balls, Ohio, Dalliance, Texas, Dickman, Tennessee, Dumbfuck, Virginia, El Gaso, Texas, Feeladelphia, Pennsylvania, Fuckatello, Idaho, Indianippleass, Indiana, Indianapolis, Oklahoma, Kissimyass, Florida, Llama, Peru, Ma's Cow, Russia, Munchie, Indiana, Penis, France, Rabbit, Morocco, Reamo, Nevada, Roam, Georgia, Snatchez, Mississippi, Snitchfield, Connecticut, Sore Endo, Italy, Tampon, Florida, Titsburgh, Pennsylvania, Wacko, Texas, Wart Hog, Poland, Whoreston, Texas