:

Steve Yates wrote Sun 5/20/18 @12:08 CDT:

I think I saw a Ninja turtle in the Editor's black
ass.  Or was that Jesus?

B. Woods wrote Sun 5/20/18 @11:15 CDT:

I saw a mountain storm.

Frodo Baggins wrote 5/22/18 @18:44 CDT:

That's the Chocolate Starfish Nebula.

Tony Dean, of Elgin, Illinois, wrote Tues 5/22/18 @11:44 CDT:

I remember the Elgin mural scandal.   The mural was display-
ed in a small obscure garden (they called it a "park") between
two stores.  To see the mural, you had to walk into the garden;
it was not visible from the street. The removal of the mural is
reminiscent of the removal of statues of Confederate generals.
Unlike the statues,  which glorify the South's resistance to the
anti-slavery movement, the mural is a simple statement of our
ugly past.

Two white coaches filed separate suits  against  the  South
Bend school district for racial discrimination.

                                            [courtesy Columbus Republic]

A boy in  7th  grade  science  class  shot a girl and the male
teacher, neither fatally, at a middle school in Noblesville. . . .

A "mile-a-minute" Asian vine akin to kudzu invaded Mon-
roe County.
                                                 [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

kahalaha.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Kahala Wright, BM [sic], 5'9", 140 lbs, attempted murder x2; Jennifer Hardiman, WF, 5'6", 140 lbs, motor vehicle theft, FTA; Anastasia Bailey, BF, 5'7", 195 lbs, neglect of dependent; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Rachel A. McCoy, WF, a/k/a Rachel Morrow, 26, meth, unlicensed handgun; Brian Gregory Bittner, WM, eavesdropping (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

The valedictorian at Holy Cross High School  in Crrest-
view Hills,  near Cincinnati,  was not allowed to deliver
his valedictory because it contained "elements that were
political  and inconsistent with the teaching of the Cath-
olic Church." . . .

Goats were eating away the kudzu at a park in Lexing-
ton.
                                                             [courtesy LEX18]


 Menu item, Keen's Diner, Bowling Green, Ky.   What's your favorite desert?
 We got two votes for the Sahara  at our breakfast table,  one  for the Mojave,
 one for the Gobi,  and one for Susie Williams.

deserted.jpg bowl $3.99, Desert of the Day $3.00, the Best of Susie Williams

     
      The Edmonson News (known also as the Gimlet) misspelled all three
      girls' names in the caption above  –  but so did their parents, in differ-
      ent ways:  They're Cierra, Kaytlin and Katlin, respectively.  And they
      are our Yorkshire hogs of the week.

caitlynn.jpg Wildcat Weekly softball wrapup: Senior girls, left to right: Sierra Collins, Cytlin Hyde, Kaytlin Collins

          

zachaman.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Zachary Clark, WM, 20, 6'0", 190 lbs, unrepentant; Amanda Golden, WF, 36, 5'3", 145 lbs, unforgiven; Trisha Campbell, WF, 27, 5'5", 100 lbs, unfed; Michael Scott, WM, 28, 6'0", 195 lbs, uncertain; Carleen Bailey, BF, 41, 5'4", 120 lbs, unexplained; Chester Stevens, WM, 58, 5'7", unweighed (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader); samantle.jpg Arrested in Edmonson County: Samantha Burns, 20, Yorkshire hog runner-up, domestic assault; Michelle Lee Martin, 20, meth (Edmonson Voice)

• Sidney Poitier
• Michael Jordan
• Al Sharpton
• Andrew Young
• Neil deGrasse Tyson
• Desmond Tutu
• Leo Cardenas
  

Classic Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said March 1, 2015): "I almost got some last night.  I asked this girl, and she  said no." – Leonard Simon

A 31-year-old woman was arrested in Paradise Valley, Arizona, for stalk-
ing after "texting" a man 65,000 times  and  showing up at his house nu-
merous times, including a time she entered without permission and took
a bath in his bathtub. .  .  .  One of the fatal victims of the Santa Fe, Tex-
as, school massacre was a girl who had  rejected  the  gunman's  request
for a date. . . .  A mountain lion killed one bicyclist and wounded anoth-
er in the Cascade Mountains foothills near North Bend, Washington. . . .
The Florida legislature, which declined to hold hearings on a bill to ban
assault rifles,  passed a resolution declaring pornography a public health
risk. . . . Constantin Reliu,  who was declared dead in Romania after go-
ing missing in Turkey for 11 years,  lost an appeal to have his death cer-
tificate canceled after he returned. . . .  New National Rifle Association
President Oliver North said Ritalin was contributing to youth's "culture
of violence."  . . .  A Connecticut kidnapper put an alligator on the back
of his 21-year-old victim. . . . A Republican congressman  from  Alaba-
ma  suggested that the rise of sea levels is caused by  rocks  falling into
the ocean.
                                                                [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

The  National Football League adopted a rule  allowing teams to fine play-
ers  who  kneel  during the playing of the National Anthem,  allowing it to
fine teams whose players kneel,  and allowing protesting players to remain
in the clubhouse during the ceremony. . . .

"Baseball is full of sex:  "He's playing the field. . . . He scored. . . . He didn't
 get to  first base. . . . I struck out. . . . "
                                                                    – Jerry Seinfeld

jimmytar.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas not Wichita, Kansas): Jimmy Ray Adams, 42, brown hwir green eyes, 225 lbs, 6'2", bond forfeiture, possession of controlled substance PG1 U/1g; Tarlavra Dansby, 24, black hair, brown eyes, 120 lbs, 5'2", violation of probation, possession of controlled substance PG2 U/1g (Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week)

         

kylsteph.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Kyliue Leanne Marie Scott, WF, 21, 5'8", 155 lbs, hair red eyes blue, opiates: Stephanie D. Long, WF, 36, 5'6", hair blonde eyes green, possession of stolen property; Misty Kay Decker a/k/a Heather M. Engelbrecht, WF, 38, 5'5", 120 lbs, hair blonde, eyes green, tattoos right leg, both calves, prob. viol., robbery, battery (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

lifeshit.jpg Life Saver Dude: Are you shittin'?

      A woman dropped trou in a store in Langley, Britisih Columbia, took a dump on the
      floor, grabbed some napkins to wipe her ass, threw them at an employe, and left.

:

Publius Leget wrote Sun 5/13/18 @11:38 CDT:

OK, OK.  Kansas City welcomes 25 million visitors
anally because Missouri is the "asshole state."

But, LUGina Haspel?

From LGBTQQUIAA.    – Editor

J. Ewing wrote Sun 5/13/18 @16:19 EDT:

Worse than that.  Gina was born in Ashland, Ky., in 1956
(parents both Kentuckians);  attended  the  University  of
Kentucky  for three years  (journalism major),  and  then
transferred to U of Louisville for her senior year,  where
she graduated with a B.A. (1978)  in languages and jour-
nalism.

We need a "Kentucky Hall of Shame" for all the vile peo-
ple with Kentucky ties, like Mitch McConnell, Rand Paul,
Scott Pruitt, Jefferson Davis, Rick Pitino, Charles Manson,
Lynndie England and Gina Haspel.

What?!  Pruitt, too, is from Kentucky?  Oh, well – where does
all this leave Abraham Lincoln – and Jennifer Lawrence?    – Editor

Craig Klugman wrote Sun 5/13/18 @07:58 EDT:

Is there really a weekly gathering of people interested
in discussing the news at your Borf Books?

Visit us!  1931 Willie Webb (not W. Webb) Rd., Brownsville, Ky.    – Ed.

New Albany's public library joined a number eliminating late
fees for overdue books. . . .

ashleyca.jpg Indianapolis' most wanted: Ashley Adams, BF, 5'7", 140 lbs, auto theft; Carolyn Barttrun, WF, 5'5", 165 lbs, theft; South Bend's: Jennifer Eaton, WF, 5'1", 105 lbs, habitual traffic offender; Berrien County, Michigan's: George Melvin Dunn Jr., WM, domestic violence x3; Anthony Duana Jones, BM, domestic viol. x3 (Central Indiana, Michiana Crime Stoppers)

A mural depicting spectators at a lynching in Marion, Indian-
a, in 1930, was removed from city walls in Elgin, Illinois, af-
ter officials there learned what it was about. . . .

A man who abandoned his family in Fort Wayne in 1993 was
ordered to pay $2 million in back child support. . . .

The state's Natural Resources Department toyed with a three-
month bobcat hunting season with a one-animal limit and re-
quiring killing all captured coyotes, raccoons and possums. . . .

An animal rights group called for investigation of the deaths
or 112 lab rats and mice at the Indiana University School of
Medicine. . . .

A man was arrested for shooting a three-legged deer in Ham-
ilton County.
                                                  [courtesy Columbus Republic]

This sculpture was introduced at the Women's Recognition(?) Center  in Wellington Park in Lexington.                                             [courtesy LEX18] The Edmonson News  did  publish  the high school graduates' names last week, with pho- tos.  Here are some of the names:  Raven Al- statt,   Cicelie   Brewster,   Janell  Camarillo, Brayden Carey, Leaha Carter, Cierra Collins, Kailyn Collins,  Caitlyn  Dennison,  Santana

Dugan, Zacjary Farmer, Keath Fuller, Paige Glass, Tessa Greg-
ory,  Kaytlin Hyde, Xavian Johnson, Savannah Kinsey,  Deidre
Lawler,  Skylar Lewis, Mikaylah Lindsey, Savannah McGloth-
lin,  Kaleb Morgan,  Kaylee Parsons,  Suhani Patel,  Caitlin Si-
mon, Shasta Smith, Shelbi Suttle, Tessa Tennison, Nadja Wade,
Kaelynn Woodcock  and Shalane Woosley.   (You can see their
pittures in the on-line publication Edmonson Voice.)

rendaman.jpg Lexington's most wanted: John Renda, WM, 28, 5'8", 180 lbs, failed to renda unto Caesa; Amanda Shields, WF, 28, 5'5", 135 lbs, featured fugitive of the week, receiving stolen handgun; Jacob Drury, WM, 23, 5'10", 145 lbs, needs a piple shave (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

Fish and game officials were looking for a mountain lion in
the Louisville suburb Anchorage. . . .

A Clutterbook Facebook post by a candidate for county exec-
utive  in Breathitt County  shows  him  surrounded  by  oppo-
nents while holding a rifle in one hand with the barrel  in  his
main opponent's face  and  his other hand   holding  the  head
of another opponent.
                                                                                    [LEX18]

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "Call me.  I'm an E.M.T.; I'm a diver; I'm a driver;  I'm a   Judo expert with a machine gun.  I can help." – Leonard Simon

Yorkshire hog of the week:
                                                a repeat.

Prob'ly not,  but your grandparents
or great-grandparents might.
                                                            – portrait of the Editor by the Roving Reporter

A 31-year-old woman was arrested in Paradise Valley, Arizona, for stalk-
ing after "texting" a man 65,000 times  and  showing up at his house nu-
merous times, including a time she entered without permission and took
a bath in his bathtub. . . . Plastic  "wet  wipes,"  said to constitute 93 per
cent of blockages in United Kingdom sewers,  were on the way out. . . .
Eight million dimes spilled from a semi in Nevada. . . . Pluto  was rede-
clared a planet. . . . Digital technology researchers said they found dirty
jokes and a candid explanation of sex, contraception and prostitution in
pasted-over pages in the Diary of Anne Frank. . . .  A  Swedish  woman
had her son's name tattooed on her arm,  but the tattoo artist misspelled
Kevin "Kelvin." It's easier to change a name than a tattoo; so the 2-year-
old boy was renamed Kelvin. . . . A pack of  seven  dachshunds killed a
52-year-old woman outside her home near Ardmore,  Oklahoma. . . .  A
high school teacher  in  Ocala,  Florida,  was accused of  drowning  rac-
coons, as agricultural nuisances, in front of pupils.

                                                                [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

villasem.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Kansas): David Villastrigo 940-322-988, 53, brown hair & eyes, 220 lbs, 5'9", violation of probation, dui 3 or more; Emri Ann Flores a/ik/a Emri Hollister, 32, brown hair & eyes, 125 lbs, 5'0", violation of probation, theft of property (Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week)

arielleo.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Arielle Kathleen Cook, WF, 29, 5'2", 120 lbs, hair blonde, eyes hazel, probation violation, battery, criminal damage; Oscar Anaya-Orozco, WM, 31, 5'8", 150 lbs, hair and eyes brown, tattoo on neck, aggravated battery; Amanda Latrese Hubbard, BF, 38, 5'2", 150 lbs, hair black, eyes brown, tattoo on back, scars on both hands, left arm, probation violation, opiates (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

lifenark.jpg Day 39 on the Ark: 'he said the limit was two' Life Saver Dude: Where did the expression 'bleeding like flies' come from?

:

dangeloa.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Dangelo DePriest-Bey, BM, 6'4", 185 lbs, robbery; Ashley Johnson, WF, 5'7", 130 lbs, possession of legend drug injection device; George LaMar, BM, 6'0", 150 lbs, robbery; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Chad Albert Carlyle, M, "race unknown", tampeering with an electronic monitor; Michael Allen Witt, WM, lareny in a building (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Voters picked Vice President Mikey's older brother,  Greg
Pence,  as Republican nominee for a  Congressional  seat
vacated  by  the  incumbent,  who  lost  in the Republican
Senate primary.
                                              [courtesy Columbus Republic]

 Students were anxious to get the chance to celebrate the night away with           or maybe these are
 their peers.                                                                                                                 king & queen –
                        – photo by Melissa Mudd                                                                       they're prettier

The caption on the left above is the only caption that appeared with nine pho-
tographs from the Edmonson County High School prom  printed by the local
paper,  the Edmonson News,  Brownsville,  Ky.  You will notice that the only
name in the caption is that of the photographer, who is the paper's editor. Nor
were there any names in the article accompanying the photos except those of
the king and queen of the prom,  Tyler Wells  and Megan Wagoner,   without
indication of which in the photos they were (and the names of two adult spon-
sors).   So we are attempting to  appropriately  recaption  the photos reprinted
here (without naming names).

Above, left (and left to right): King, queen, LGBTQ king, Yorkshire hog princess.
Above right, you see it.

                             
                                              
 

edmprom2.jpg King and queen runners-up; edmprom3.jpg Yorkshire hog princess' court (chaperones at left); edmprom4.jpg LGBTQ queens; edmprom5.jpg Junior Yorkshire hog candidates

Did you (and United States Senators) know that LUGina Haspel is a Kentucki-
an, and a graduate of the University of Louisville?
                                                                                    [courtesy Courier-Journal]

cazwilma.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Caz Hazuga, WM, 27, 5'8", 150 lbs, illegal alien (from Mars); Wilma Johnson, BF, 32, 5'10", 140 lbs, too hot mama; Angela Rowe, WF, 52, 5'1", 132 lbs, once hot, now shot, and pissed; Shanda Walker, BF, 30, 5'0", 105 lbs, a little terror; Bobby Stone II WM, 40, 5'7", 155 lbs, not on your wave length (pulled kicking & screamiing from the Herald-Leader)

tashchad.jpg Yorkshire hog of the week: Tasha Ecklar,33, who ran the Shirt Shop n Georgetown, was arrested on a felony theft charge for credit card overcharges; Bedlar: A couple in Stanford returned home to find this burglar, Jessica Jones, asleep in their bed; Wanted in Lexington: Chadrick Boone, BM, 25, 5'11", 190 lbs, Shirt Shop shrift (WKYT, LEX18, Herald-Leader)

Billy Ray Cyrus, Stringbean, Dale Ann Bradley and Jackie DeShannon were a-
mong those inducted into the Kentucky Music Hall of Fame at Renfro Valley. . . .

Shayna  Hubers, awaiting retrial in the Campbell County Jail for the murder of
her fiancé, filed for a license to marry a "trans" "fellow" inmate.

– Rosalind Helderman,    Washington Post, on    PBS Newshour, May    18, @39:55:  In a 5-minute, 5-ques-  tion interview, she be-  gan 2 of her 5 answers  with  "Uh" and 16  of  her 27 sentences with  "Uh."  Count 'em.

Quotations of the Wheat: "They say the Wheat was a bit like a Greek God.  It's true.  I had   muscles in my shit." – Leonard Simon

mustafaa.jpg Wanted in Waco: Kahlil Mustafaaa Haddad, BM, 22, 6', 180 lbs, probation violation, injury to a child (City of Waco); Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Tex.): Andrea J. Williams, WF, 46, a/k/a Andrea J. Stacey, 5'9", 195 lbs, tattoos chest, left leg, left anklw, probation violation, forgery; Rangy G. Trimmell, WM, 25, 5'9", 230 lbs, tattoos both forearms and chest, murder 2° (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

davidray.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): David Ray Wilson, 22, blonde hair blue eyes, 140 lbs, 6'1", evading arrest /detenton (x2) & failure to comply with registration req., Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week

A South African film director was killed by a giraffe at a wildlife refuge.
.  .  . Pennsylvania priest was accused of sexually abusing an altar boy at
least 20 times  and  making  the  boy say confession for it afterward each
time. .  .  .  A 132-pound benign tumor was removed from a woman's ab-
domen  in Danbury,  Connecticut  (she had been gaining weight about 10
pounds a week.
                                                                                  [courtesy LEX18, AP]

The sports:
        
          A  Texas  woman  who bet $18 on the 5-to-2
          Derby favorite and winner, Justify, won $1.2 million, just $230,000 shy of the
          horse's owners' winnings – not on her bet on  Justify  alone,  but on a "Pick 5"
          bet including the Derby. . . .

lifekans.jpg Did you know? Kansas City welcomes 25 million visitors anally; LIfe Saver Dude: And I thought Kansas City was famous for steaks, jazz & barbecue . . .

:

Publius Leget wrote Sun 4/29/18 @10:35 CDT:

It coulda been worse.  He coulda said "all
throughout the whole day."

J. Ewing wrote Sun 4/29/18 @14:44 EDT:

Yet another letter (or two) to add to the ever expanding
LGBTTTQQIAA:

"Pansexuality," or "omnisexuality," is a sexual, roman-
tic or emotional attraction toward people regardless of
sex or gender identity. "Pansexuals" may refer to them-
selves  as  gender-blind,  asserting that gender or sex is
not a determining factor in their attraction to others.

Pansexuality  may be considered a sexual orientation in
its own right or a branch of bisexuality to indicate an al-
ternative sexual identity.  Because  pansexuals  are open
to relationships with people who do not identify as strict-
ly men or women,  and pansexuality therefore rejects the
gender binary,  it is often considered more inclusive than
"bisexual."  To what extent "bisexual" is inclusive  when
compared with "pansexual"  is debated within the LGBT
community,  especially within the bisexual community.

So, would "Teflonsexuality" be a further subset for bisex-
uals/pansexuals who want to avoid sticky relationships?

How  about  "IDCIYFSPOP-JKITY"?     "I Don't Care If
You Fuck Shetland Ponies Or Parakeets – Just Keep It To
Yourself."

ivanlisa.jpg Indianapolis' most wanted: Ivan Felipe-Castellanos, WM, 5'6", 210 lbs, molest a child; Lisa Bland, WF, 5'4", 120 lbs, battery resulting in moderate bodily injury; Kylee Bivens, WF, burglary; Briana Slayton, BF, 5'8", 160 lbs, aggravated robbery; Francisco Gonzalez, M, race unknown, DUI (Central Indiana Crime Stoppers); melverik.jpg Melvin Maefield, BM, possession of firearm by violent offender; Erika Coates, BF, 5'7", 230 lbs, criminal recklessness (and a bit of Yorkshire hog); Leslie Atkins, WF, a/k/a Brittany Hollister, 5' 10", 200 lbs, forgery; Patrice Battle, BF, 5'10", 170 lbs, domestic battery resulting in serious injury; April Carpenter, BF, 5'6", 140 lbs, criminal recklessness

The American Civil Liberties Union voluntarily  dismissed a suit against
the Vigo County School Board in Terre Haute,  in behalf of an 8-year-old
boy and his mother, to hold the required recitation of the Pledge of Allegi-
ance to the Flag unconstitutional.
                                                                        [courtesy Columbus Republic]

lancesad.jpg Louisville's most wanted: Lance Wayne Valentine, WM, 22, 5'9", 183 lbs, robbery 1°, heroin; Shyla Lynea Moore, WF, 23, 5'5", 176 lbs, attempted assault; Charmin Renée Denny, HM [sic}, 56, 5'6", 150 lbs, robbery, assault, sodomy, unlawful imprisonment; Joshua Gerald Sadler, WM, 24, 5'10", 140 lbs, wanton endangerment, assault (Kentuckiana Crime Stoppers)

The Kentucky Horse Park in Lexington planned to unveil
a statue of Sgt. Reckless, a war horse that served the U.S.
Marines in the Korean War. . . .

A 52-year-old woman was arrested for yelling at a tree on
Hatcher Road in London. . . .

                
Storywood Bowties of Louisville  makes bow ties out of
bourbon barrel wood.
                                                               [courtesy LEX18]

Classic Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said February 8, 2015): "When you have to shit, nothing else matters." – Leonard Simon

Sears (formerly Sears, Roebuck; you remember them) was closing its last
store in Chicago.  . . . Welcome to KFC (formerly Kentucky Fried Chick-
en):  The Boy Scouts of America, who now admit girls (and LGBTQIA?),
will change their name next February to Scouts BSA (gotta preserve them
trademarks,  politically  correct  or  not). . . . United Airlines refused to al-
low a "comfort  peacock" to board a flight in Newark,  New  Jersey. . . . A
New Jersey school superintendent was arrested for shitting on the running
track of a neighboring school district.  . . . Meghan   Markle's  half-brother
told Prince Harry to cancel the wedding,  expressing displeasure at not be-
ing invited and calling Meghan, in his letter to the Prince,  a  "jaded,  shal-
low, conceited woman. . . .The Killer Whale Kilauea volcano eruption and
attendant earthquakes drove hundreds from their homes in Hawaii.

                                                                                [courtesy HuffPost, AP]

albinokr.jpg Wanted in Waco: Albino Garcia, HM, 29 or 30, 5'5", 125 lbs, meth, endangering a child (City of Waco); Wanted in Wichita (Kansas): Kryshela Teresa Brown, BF, 5'2", 130 lbs, probation violation, theft (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

lozavian.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Andrea René Loza, WF, 20, 5'4", 120 lbs, meth; Vianca Simone Hernandez, WF, 19, 5'4", 135 lbs, aggravated assault (Abilene Crime Stoppers); Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Kendra J. Yergeau, WF, a/k/a Kendra Davis, Kendra Donaldson, Kendra Lingard, WF, 38, 5'3", 150 lbs, tattoo on right thigh, probation violation, forgery; Alyssa Jolene Garcia, WF, 19, 5'3", 127 lbs, probation violation, burglary (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

l

rodoljes.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Rodolfo Cruz Lopez, 19, black hair, brown eyes, 150 lbs, 6'0", violation of probation, possession of controlled substance pg2 o/4g-u/400g; Jessie Arizola, 29, black hair, brown eyes, 138 lbs, 5'10", aggravated assault; call Crime Stoppers 940-322-9888; deborash.jpg Yorkshire hog of the week, Deborah Carol Clark, 52, blonde hair, brown eyes, 200 lbs, 5'4", violation of probation, possession of controlled substance, pg1 o/4g-u/400g; Ashley Perez, 26, black hair, brown eyes, 120 lbs, 4'11", bond revocation, manufacture/delivery of controlled substance pg1, Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week

Hats, as usual, and a record rainfall won the Kentucky Derby (along with a horse named Justify). . . .

To boost attendance, baseball's Chicago White Sox announced  a  promotion
that puts the first nine fans arriving at the ballpark in the starting lineup.

lifemulljpg Make America great again! Bring back the mullet! Life Saver Dude: You go, dude!