July 26, 2020:    Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter
in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:


abc

hed200742.jpg Warning, Nostradamus' prophecies coming true, plague, locusts, quakes, civil unrest, dust storms (Globe); World's most dangerous man, Kim Yo-yeng seizes power, Kim Jong-un dead and gone (Globe), Tom Selleck: So long,Hollywood, why he's walking away, the secret he's hiding (Star); Dolly Parton: How love saved me! Inside her 54-year open marriage (OK); Prison for Prince Andrew (In Touch); Queen & Prince Philip more in love than ever, her majesty, 94, & hubby, 99, secluded for horse rides and candlelit dinners (Examiner)
Warning, Nostradamus' prophecies coming true, plague, locusts, quakes, civil unrest, dust storms (Globe); World's most dangerous man, Kim Yo-yeng seizes power, Kim Jong-un dead and gone (Globe), Tom Selleck: So long,Hollywood, why he's walking away, the secret he's hiding (Star); Dolly Parton: How love saved me! Inside her 54-year open marriage (OK); Prison for Prince Andrew (In Touch); Queen & Prince Philip more in love than ever, her majesty, 94, & hubby, 99, secluded for horse rides and candlelit dinners (Examiner)


Dumb news from Indiana:
Tested positive, 63,030; died, 2,895. . . .

An Indiana University history professor pointed out  that  a
third of Indiana's 92 counties are named for men  with  ties
to  slavery  –  e.g.,  Jefferson,  Jackson,  Clay,  Cass,  Clark,
Boone  and  Dubois  –  and in the 19th century a section of
the state constitution read, "N
o negro or mulatto shall come
into or settle in the State."   
"Indiana:  The  only  Southern
state north of Mason's & Dixon's Line." . . .

Cowboys were called onto I-65 in downtown Indianapolis to
round up 48 cattle that spilled from an overturned trailer (six
cattle died. . . .


The state's lame duck Attorney General opined that the Gov-
ernor's face mask mandate is illegal. . . .

And see the sports.
                                                     [courtesy Columbus Republic]

randyles.jpg Bedford's most wanted (SpotCrime): Randy Lester May, 45, controlled substance; Benjamin John Brickey, 38, sex offendeer failure to register; Jeramie Chad Mann, 45, driving on susp.; Barbara Alison Harper, 30, control. subst.; Terre Haute's: Misty Hastings, WF, 41, 6'0", 240 lbs, meth (Wabash Valley Crime Stoppers)
randyles.jpg Bedford's most wanted (SpotCrime): Randy Lester May, 45, controlled substance; Benjamin John Brickey, 38, sex offendeer failure to register; Jeramie Chad Mann, 45, driving on susp.; Barbara Alison Harper, 30, control. subst.; Terre Haute's: Misty Hastings, WF, 41, 6'0", 240 lbs, meth (Wabash Valley Crime Stoppers)
Dumb news from Kentucky:
Tested positive, 27,395; died, 717. . . .

Mostly black protesters converged in Louisville to protest the non-
prosecution of the police who killed  Breonna  Taylor,  and  police
set up barricades to separate them from a counterprotest by a mili-
tia  group  of  whites,  while Governor Andy Beshear commented
that the investigation of the killing has gone on "far too long." . . .


A
couple who refused to sign a self-isolation order when one test-
ed positive for coronavirus were placed under house arrest in Rad-
cliff. . . .

And see the sports.

                                                                           [courtesy LEX18]

ericwats.jpg Wanted in Elkhart, LaGrange & DeKalb counties in Indiana, Eric Watson, WM, resisting arrest, burglary, battery, respectively; wanted in Lexington,Kentucky, Jarrin Bishop, BM, 22, 6'0", 230 lbs, wanton endangerment,criminal mischief (Michiana, Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)
ericwats.jpg Wanted in Elkhart, LaGrange & DeKalb counties in Indiana, Eric Watson, WM, resisting arrest, burglary, battery, respectively; wanted in Lexington,Kentucky, Jarrin Bishop, BM, 22, 6'0", 230 lbs, wanton endangerment,criminal mischief (Michiana, Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

Quotations of the week:
                                            "Fucking bitch."
                                                                            – Congressman Ted Yoho (R-Fla.), to AOC

                        "Remember, there's only one Morgan & Morgan."
                                                                                                              – Morgan, or Morgan
       
        "Free Britney!"


Birthdays:
                    July 20:  Carlos Santana, 73
                                   Kim Carnes, 75
                                   Natalie "Wood" Zacharenko (1938-1981)
                                   Alexander the Great (356-323 BC)
                    July 21:  Brandi Chastain, 42

                                   Steven Demetre Georgiu "Cat Stevens" Yusaf Islam, 72
                    July 22:  Prince George, 7
                                   Selena Gomez, 28
                                   Sparky Lyle, 76
                                   Alex Trebek, 80
                                   Tom Robbins, 88
                                   Robert Dole, 97

                    July 23:  Monica Lewinsky, 47
                                   Alison Krauss, 49
                                   Anthony Kennedy, 84
                    July 24:  Nate Bump, 44
                                   J-Lo, 51
                                   Kristin Chenoweth, 52
                                   Pat Oliphant, 85
                    July 25:  Louise Brown, 42
                                   Walter Payton (1954-1999)
                                   Steve Goodman (1948-1984)
                                   Emmett Till (1941-1955)
                    July 26:  Helen Mirren, 75
                                   Mick Jagger, 77
                                   Mary Jo Kopechne (1940-1969)
                                   Bobby Hebb (1938-2010)
Deaths:
              Charles Evers, 97
              Annie Ross, 89
              Regis Philbin, 88

yolandac.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Bobby Lee Anthony Cozo, WM, 36, 6'0", 255 lbs, prbation viol. (burglary); Yolanda Kay Fue, BF, 57, 5'5", 180 lbs, prob. viol. (battery with a deadly weapon); Marquelle Ronelle Atkinson, BM, a/k/a Marquelle Calhoun, 22, 5'9", 150 lbs, opiates; Justin Don Burnett, WM, 43, 5'8", 180 lbs, controlled substances; Michael Dean Allison, WM, 51, 6'1", 300 lbs, probation violation (aggr. battery); Timothy Paul Remacle, WM, 55, 5'5", 160 lbs, prob. viol. (opiates)
yolandac.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Bobby Lee Anthony Cozo, WM, 36, 6'0", 255 lbs, prbation viol. (burglary); Yolanda Kay Fue, BF, 57, 5'5", 180 lbs, prob. viol. (battery with a deadly weapon); Marquelle Ronelle Atkinson, BM, a/k/a Marquelle Calhoun, 22, 5'9", 150 lbs, opiates; Justin Don Burnett, WM, 43, 5'8", 180 lbs, controlled substances; Michael Dean Allison, WM, 51, 6'1", 300 lbs, probation violation (aggr. battery); Timothy Paul Remacle, WM, 55, 5'5", 160 lbs, prob. viol. (opiates)


Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
Kanye West dissed Harriet Tubman. . . . A woman wearing nothing but
a face mask and a stocking cap,  later dubbed Naked Athena on Twitter,
confronted armed federal agents in Portland, Oregon. . . .
A 15-year-old
Michigan girl was placed  in  juvenile  detention  for not completing on-
line school assignments. .  .  . Trader Joe's came under ethnic fire for the
brand names
Trader Ming's, Trader Jose's and Trader Giotto's. . . . White
Boy Rick
was released from prison in Michigan. . . .  Five siblings sepa-
rated in foster care
  were  adopted  by a Texas family. . . . Senators Mark
Rubio, of Florida, and Dan Sullivan, of Alaska, meaning to express sym-
pathy
on line  on the death of Georgia Congressman John Lewis,  mista-
kenly posted photos of themselves  with  the  late  Congressman  Elijah
Cummings, of Maryland. . . . The Merriam-Webster dictionary  and  the
New Yorker  and  Harper's magazines,  like the Columbus (Indiana) Re-
public, now also spell black (when referring to a person or people)  with
a capital B (and white with a small w). . . . Thirteen nuns died of covid-
19 in one convent in Livonia, Michigan. . . . Mayor  Ted  Wheeler  was
tear-gassed by federal agents in downtown Portland, Oregon. . . . Derek
Chauvin
(George Floyd's killer) and his wife were charged with tax eva-
sion. . . . A couple in Akron, Ohio, had a "gender reveal" party for their
17-year-old daughter after s/he became their "son." . . . Mel Gibson was
hospitalized with covid-19.  .  .  .  The Sierra Club unloaded on its racist
founder, John Muir.
                                                                                [courtesy LEX18, AP]

theriaqu.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Brenda Guerreo, 32, no license; Sadie Diaz, 18, mariju., paraph.; Marlina Argote, 26, mj., paraph.; Emily Theriague, 18, c.s., paraph.; Landen Jones, 27, contr.substances; Marsha Baker, 38, cr. misch.
theriaqu.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Brenda Guerreo, 32, no license; Sadie Diaz, 18, mariju., paraph.; Marlina Argote, 26, mj., paraph.; Emily Theriague, 18, c.s., paraph.; Landen Jones, 27, contr.substances; Marsha Baker, 38, cr. misch.
The sports:
Dr. Fauci threw the first pitch at the empty-stadium major
league baseball season opening game in Washington, D.C.
(he missed home plate, the catcher, the entire batter's box);
D. C. Washington desecrated the  National Anthem
again
(which everyone stood for, but all knelt before it began),
and the season opened with a night game  – won  by  the
New York Yankees  over the Washington Nationals, 4-1,
cut short by rain in the sixth inning). .  .  .  San Francisco
Giants manager Gabe Kapler and his first base coach and
one player knelt during the National Anthem at an exhibi-
tion baseball game in Oakland. . . . The coronavirus has
created new phonics problem for baseball. . . . The Cleve-
land Indians
agreed to meet with "Native American" lead-
ers to discuss a change of the baseball team's name.  .  .  .
The American Indian Center  of  Indiana  planned  Zoom
conversations for "interested parties" to draft a resolution
to remove the Indianapolis Indians' minor league baseball
team's name. .  .  .
Indianapolis' Catholic high school Ron-
calli dropped its Rebels nickname and abandoned its Con-
federate military-clad mascot Ronnie Rebel. .  .  . African-
American Studies faculty asked that Adolph Rupp's name
be removed from the University of Kentucky basketball a-
rena. . . .  "BLACK LIVES MATTER"  was painted on the
National Basketball Association's  Orlando  Magic's  court.
. . .
Jack Nicklaus tested positive. . . .The Washington Red-
skins changed their name to the Washington Football Team.
. . . And
here are the results of last week's poll to correct the
names of
  other National Football League teams:
  • The Baltimore Nigger Birds
  • The Arizona Missourians
  • The Atlanta Coons
  • The Philadelphia Eagles Lodge
OK, next week, last quiz, National Basketball Association, on-
ly one team, the Utah Jazz.  Jazz is not  even legal in Utah, but
that's the name the team carried with them when they moved to
Salt Lake City from New Orleans:
  • Tahs  (the "Utah Oompahs" – think tuba)
  • The Salt Lake Sickos
  • The Desert Desserts
  • The Utah-I-Taw-Too-Everybody-Who-Looked-Taw
  • write in.
Dear Eleanor:
                            I adore my wife.  She is brilliant,  hilarious,  and a won-
                            derful conversationalist;  but she routinely mispronoun-
                            ces existing words and invents new ones in earnest, like
                            yesterday’s gems, "inspicuous" and "bomblastic." She’s
                            not trying to be funny when she does this.   I'm a profes-
                            sor of English, and I have an urge to correct her at times;
                            but I also don’t want to be a jerk. If it were me, I'd want
                            to be corrected, but she's very sensitive about her educa-
                            tional background  and a  childhood  learning  disability.
                            Some of our dearest friends work in my field; and when
                            my wife does this in their company,  I can tell  from the
                            looks on their faces that this has become an  inside  joke
                            for  them.  I know they love my wife  and probably find
                            her habit charming, but it bugs me that everyone knows
                            it  but   her.   I am conflicted about how to address this
                            with her.  What should I do?
                             

                                                                                     Professor Husband
Dear Professor Doofus:
                                                Consider:
  • "also I"  [not "I also"]
  • "if it were I"  [not "me"]
  • "everyone knows it but she"  [not "her"]

DISCUSSION GROUP:

   Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectual
dissection of important current events are invited
to attend the Weekly World News Round Table at
the offices of Borf  Books outside Brownsville,
Kentucky, just  after church every Sunday.  Guest
speakers lined up for meetings in the near future
will include the ghost of John Muir.
johnmuir.jpg


Unopened e-mail last week included five messages from "Clutterbook" "Facebook"
        titled "You have 29 notifications from Stephen and others," a message titled
        "You have 29 unread notifications since you last visited Facebook," and six

        messages titled
"Here are your 29 unread notifications since you last visited
        Facebook," and two messages titled
"You have 30 unread notifications since
         you last visited Facebook."

lifeassm.jpg assmaster; Life Savere Dude: You might try to strike a better pose next time you go fishing, kid
lifeassm.jpg assmaster; Life Savere Dude: You might try to strike a better pose next time you go fishing, kid

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without
that redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines €“ or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


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Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



July 19, 2020:    Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter
in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:

America in anarchy! Seattle gunfight, Outlaws seize Capitol Hill, Why NO CITY is safe (Globe); How to care for someone with covid (Closer); JKF Jr.'s last day alive (Examiner): Diana's private diaries, shocking suicide attempts & Charles' cheating, 'Queen making my life hell' (Star); Harry attacks William: 'DROP DEAD' (Enquirer); Sissy Spacek at 70, I'm just getting started, why super-private mom, wife and Oscar winner still has Hollywood banging door (Closer); Steve King knew too much, movie mogul murdered in Epstein cover-up (Enquirer)
America in anarchy! Seattle gunfight, Outlaws seize Capitol Hill, Why NO CITY is safe (Globe); How to care for someone with covid (Closer); JKF Jr.'s last day alive (Examiner): Diana's private diaries, shocking suicide attempts & Charles' cheating, 'Queen making my life hell' (Star); Harry attacks William: 'DROP DEAD' (Enquirer); Sissy Spacek at 70, I'm just getting started, why super-private mom, wife and Oscar winner still has Hollywood banging door (Closer); Steve King knew too much, movie mogul murdered in Epstein cover-up (Enquirer)
hed200732.jpg

LETTERS to the EDITOR:
J. Ewing wrote Sun 7/12/20 @00:18 EDT:
Finally  the 
Pee-Resi- 
dent wears 
a face mask 
in public – 
or does he? 
strumpas.jpg You can get this
baaad 6-inch
Ruth Bader Gins-
berg chastening
doll for only $20
(plus shipping)
from worldmark-
et.com.

ruthdoll.jpg

Dumb news from Indiana
:
Tested positive, 57,045; died, 2,820 . . . .

A  Kokomo  woman  who posted videos on Tik-Tok and Instant-
spam Instagram of cats and dogs being hanged and skinned was
arrested on federal charges of making "animal crush" videos.

                                                     [courtesy Columbus Republic]
marygarg.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers); Joe Henton, BM, 5' 11", 140 lbs, family battery; Tiffany Armitage, WF, 5'2", 150 lbs, poss. of syringe; Mary Garges, 5'4", 200 lbs, auto theft; Christopher Calloway, BM, 5'10", 200 lbs, cocaine
marygarg.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers); Joe Henton, BM, 5' 11", 140 lbs, family battery; Tiffany Armitage, WF, 5'2", 150 lbs, poss. of syringe; Mary Garges, 5'4", 200 lbs, auto theft; Christopher Calloway, BM, 5'10", 200 lbs, cocaine

Dumb news from Kentucky:
Tested positive, 22,229; died, 687 . . . .

A   former   Miss  Ken-
tucky,  29,  who  admit-
ted  exchanging sexual photos  with a teen boy student  when  she was
a West Virginia middle
school teacher has been
sentenced  to  two years
in prison.
                  [yahoo.com]

bearseann.jpg

The
Black Student Union at the University of Kentucky was pro-
testing a lawsuit against the  proposed  removal of a mural depic-
ting slavery
.
                             
                                               [courtesy LEX18]

daniemar.jpg Perps of Paducah (arrested or wanted by the McCracken County Sheriff): Nicholas W. Robertson, Danielle N. Bledsoe, Maranda T. Williams, Timothy Buckner; sorry (he sure is) the McCracken County Sheriff, Matt Carter, has resorted to Clutterbook Facebook for posting photos of all perps in Paducah, without ages,charges, or vital stats
daniemar.jpg Perps of Paducah (arrested or wanted by the McCracken County Sheriff): Nicholas W. Robertson, Danielle N. Bledsoe, Maranda T. Williams, Timothy Buckner; sorry (he sure is) the McCracken County Sheriff, Matt Carter, has resorted to Clutterbook Facebook for posting photos of all perps in Paducah, without ages,charges, or vital stats

Quotations of the week:
                                            "
When you look out the window, when you see the planet below, you
                                              don’t see borders;  you don’t see strife;  you see this beautiful planet
                                              we need to take care of."
                                                                                          astronaut Doug Hurley

        "
I will go to the people and not be deterred by the virus pandemic or any ungovernable
          demonstrators.I will not give up and will make Maricopa County great again!"

                                        – Joe Arpaio, running for re-elction for Sheriff in Phoenix, Arizona

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):


                  "I'm out of diction."

                                                        – Leonard Simon


Birthdays:
                    July 13:  Rhonda Vincent, 58
                                   Cheech Marin, 74
                                  
Ernő Rubik, 76
                                   Julius Caesar (100-44 B.C.)
                    July 14:  Jerry Rubin (1938-1994)
                                  
Franklin Delano "Del" Reeves (1932-2007)
                                   Woodrow Wilson "Woody" Guthrie (1912-1967)
                    July 15:  Arianna Huffington, 70

                                   Linda Ronstadt, 74
                                   Vladimir the Bold (1353-1410)
                    July 16:  Pinchas Zukerman, 72
                                   Jimmy Johnson, 77
                                   Margaret Smith Court, 78
                    July 17:  Camilla, 73
                    July 18:  Martha Reeves, 79
                                   Nelson Mandela (1918-2013)
                    July 19: 
Bernie Leadon, 73
                                   Ilie Nastase, 74
                                   Florencia Vicenta de Casillas Martinez "Vikki Carr" Cardona, 80
Deaths:
                C. T. Vivian, 95
                John Lewis, 80
                Zindzi Mandela, 59
                Grant Imahara, 49
                Naya Rivera, 33
                Benjamin Keough, 27
                Sharon Marie Greep "Sherry" Hamilton, 78
                Milton Burl Ives Matter, 66
                Sally Arnold Smith Sheets, 72
tambunga.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): James Jordan, 67, P.I., tresp.; Aimee Tambunga, 37, fam. assault; Tabatha Decker, 28, forgery;Daniela Recendez, 28 (Yorkshire hog), DUI; Amanda Sears, 39, felon with firearm; Hope Cassibo, 47, marijuana; Caden Tucker, 25, family assault
tambunga.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): James Jordan, 67, P.I., tresp.; Aimee Tambunga, 37, fam. assault; Tabatha Decker, 28, forgery;Daniela Recendez, 28 (Yorkshire hog), DUI; Amanda Sears, 39, felon with firearm; Hope Cassibo, 47, marijuana; Caden Tucker, 25, family assault
Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
Monday July 13 was National French Fry Day. . . . Today  is  National Ice
Cream Day
. . . . Kroger's quit  returning coin change. . . . A bus driver was
kicked to death by passengers in Bayonne, France, for asking them to wear
face masks. .  .  .
Texas and Arizona asked for refrigerated trucks to relieve
their morgues . . . 
France was investigating claims that people who had do-
nated their bodies to science were left to be eaten by rats. .  .  .  A Louisiana
pastor
said the state’s cockfighting ban violates the constitutional right to re-
ligious freedom. .  .  . A McDonald's carhop was  run  over  by a disgruntled
customer in Decatur, Georgia. . . . A recreational boat collided with a hump-
back whale near Juneau,  Alaska. . . . Next January 1's Rose Parade in Pasa-
dena, California (known as the "Tournament of Roses" until 2011)  has been
canceled over coronavirus  concerns. .  .  .  A deputy sheriff in White County,
Tennessee, ordered his dog to bite a woman he had arrested, repeatedly.

                                                                      
[courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

gloretha.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Gloretha Allen, BF, 32, 5'5", 155 lbs, robbery; Kristian Carrion, BF, 32, 5'2", 165 lbs, aggravated assault; Carmen DeLeon, HF, 41, 5'5", 280 lbs (Yorkshire hog), injury to elderly; John Wesley Owen, AM, 46, 5'7", 165 lbs, burglary, aggravatred assault; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Virginia Lynn Shelden, WF, 35, 5'3", 135 lbs, prob. viol. (opiates) (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff)
gloretha.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Gloretha Allen, BF, 32, 5'5", 155 lbs, robbery; Kristian Carrion, BF, 32, 5'2", 165 lbs, aggravated assault; Carmen DeLeon, HF, 41, 5'5", 280 lbs (Yorkshire hog), injury to elderly; John Wesley Owen, AM, 46, 5'7", 165 lbs, burglary, aggravatred assault; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Virginia Lynn Shelden, WF, 35, 5'3", 135 lbs, prob. viol. (opiates) (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff)
The sports:
Major League baseball plans to play recorded crowd
sound  effects  at games without fans when it begins
play this week. . . .

Los Angeles Lakers basketball player Anthony Davis
chose to  keep  his  name  on the back of his jersey in-
stead of a "social justice" message. . . .

OK, here are the results of last week's poll to correct the names of
major league sports teams:
Now for this week, focusing on footbal (open for voting)l:
Next week, basketball:  If the Celtics are not politically incorrect, where does that
leave the Hawks, the Raptors, the Pelicans, the Bulls, the
Hornets, the Bucks and
the Grizzlies?

Dear Eleanor:
                            The real estate agent who sold me my home nine years
                            ago periodically phones me,  asking  whether I plan on
                            selling,  and offering his assistance.  We've had  a  cour-
                            teous,  polite relationship.  I  never had  a problem with
                            him or his company.

                            Recently I was a guest at a customer appreciation event
                            sponsored by this company. I sat quietly by myself. One
                            of the company's main employees  ridiculed  me  loudly,
                            making fun of my looks and my hair.  I am a neat, clean,
                            conservative senior citizen.She even walked past me and
                            laughed loudly in my face.   I had never met this woman
                            before.  I was horrified and said nothing and left.

                            I do plan on selling my home.  But after my treatment at
                            the "customer appreciation" event,  I'll not be using  that
                            real estate company.   If my former real estate agent asks
                            me  why  I have listed my home  with  another  company,
                            what should I tell him?
                                                                                Ridiculed in Rapid City
Dear RRC:
                      "Fuck you, Jack."



Unopened e-mail last week included messages from "Clutterbook" "Facebook"
        titled "You have 9 notifications from Stephen and others
,"
"Here are your
        11 unread notifications since you last visited Facebook,"  "You  have 11
        unread notifications since you last visited Facebook," "You have 24 un-
        read notifications since you last visited Facebook," "You have 24 notifica-
        tions from Stephen and others," "You have 24 unread notifications since
        you last visited Facebook" and "Here are your 25 unread notifications
        since you last visited Facebook."


People who invited us to be their "friends" on Clutterbook Facebook in the last
week included
Nurhayati Fakhruzza Binti Sulaiman.


DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the  Weekly  World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books  outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.   Guest speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future will include Lady Z.

lifehors.jpg I've been through the desert on a horse with no name "Just call me Horace" Life Saver Dude: I've always doubted that song

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without
that redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines €“ or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



July 12, 2020:    Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter
in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:


Fred Astaire & Ginger Rogers: Truth about their love; how married dancers kept their affair secret (Examiner); New Michael Jackswon autopsy reveals body covered by bruises,evidence of homicide (Globe); Meghan pregnant again, Harry hopes it's a girl (In Touch); Prince Andrew abandoned by the Queen (In Touch)
Fred Astaire & Ginger Rogers: Truth about their love; how married dancers kept their affair secret (Examiner); New Michael Jackswon autopsy reveals body covered by bruises,evidence of homicide (Globe); Meghan pregnant again, Harry hopes it's a girl (In Touch); Prince Andrew abandoned by the Queen (In Touch)
LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Malachi Dean wrote Sun 7/5/20 @20:00 CDT:
I thought Tom Cruise was Born on the Fourth of July.
He was close.    – Editor


Etta Jane Darrig wrote Tues  7/7/2o0 @09:14 CDT:
If Kanye West becomes President, I'm moving to Africa.

Fred Dean wrote Sat 7/11/20 @10:44 PDT:
What is the thing on top of Sean Penn's head in the Life Saver
Dude photo?  It looks like a giant tablet or a mint.

It's a LIFESAVER, Dude!    – Ed.


Dumb news from Indiana
:
Tested positive, 52,358; died, 2,756 . . . .

The state's black Republican  Attorney  General,  Curtis  Hill,
lost
his bid for renonimation and his  license  to  practice  law
for a
month over years of controversy over allegations that he
groped
a woman legislator and three other women at a party. . . .

The Columbus Republic spelled "Black man" with a capital B

and "white men" with a small w  in reporting a lynching threat

at Lake Monroe.

                                                     [courtesy Columbus Republic]


Four children were killed in a car rear-ended by  a  semitrailer

as it (the car) was slowing down for construction on I-70 near

Richmond.

                                                                        [courtesy Lex18]
brandend.jpg Crawfordsville's most wanted: Cody Wilson, 21, escape x5; Amanda J. Fry, 31, theft; Andrew J. Norris, 30, possession of syringe; Brandi Endicott, 38, meth; Jeremy A. Wilson 42, habitual traf. violator (SpotCrime)

brandend.jpg Crawfordsville's most wanted: Cody Wilson, 21, escape x5; Amanda J. Fry, 31, theft; Andrew J. Norris, 30, possession of syringe; Brandi Endicott, 38, meth; Jeremy A. Wilson 42, habitual traf. violator (SpotCrime)
Dumb news from Kentucky:
Tested positive, 19,141; died, 647. . . .

Kentucky's new black Republican Attorney General Daniel Cam-
eron obtained an injunction against new white Democratic Gover-
nor (former Attorney General) Andy Beshear's ordering the wear-
ing of face masks.
                 
                                                           [courtesy LEX18]
Quotation of the weak:
                                            "Taylor was fatally killed . . . ."
                                                                                                   – Zachary Kiesch, ABC News

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):


    "How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
      Marry it!"

                                                                – Leonard Simon


Birthdays:
                    July 6:  Sylvester Stallone, 74
                                 George W. Bush, 74
                                 Byron Berline, 76
                    July 7:  Jessica Hahn, 61
                                 Shelley Duvall, 71
                                 Richard Starkey ("Ringo Starr"), 80
                                 Doc Severinsen, 93

                    July 8:  Tzipi Livni, 62
                                 Anjelica Huston, 69
                                 Deborah Zerby ("Kim Darby"), 73
                                 Sidney Liebowitz ("Steve Lawrence"), 85 (and, yes, Liebowitz is
                    July 9:  O. J. Simpson, 73                                             misspelled correctly)
                                 Donald Rumsfeld, 88
                                 Jesse McReynolds, 91
                    July 10:  Cindy Sheehan, 63
                                   Arlo Guthrie,73
                                   Virginia Wade, 75
                                   Mavis Staples, 81
                    July 11:  Kimberly Denise Jones ("Lil' Misspelled Kim"), 45 (or 46)
                                   Terry Garthwaite, 82
                                   Giorgio Armani, 86
                                   Tab Hunter (1931-2018)
                                   Yul Brynner (1920-1985)
                    July 12:  Milton Teagle "Richard" Simmons, 72
                                   Bill Cosby, 83
Deaths:
              Charlie Daniels, 83

              Mary Kay Letourneau, 58


Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
The term "master bedroom" was under attack as racist. .  .  .  Protesters
took down a statue of Christopher Columbus in Baltimore,  Maryland's,
Little Italy neighborhood and dumped in in the harbor. .  .  . 
Columbus
came down also in Buffalo, New York (in Columbus Park). . . . 
Andrew
Jackson's statue was coming down in Jackson, Mississippi. . . . A statue
of  Frederick Douglass  was torn down in Rochester, New York. . . . 
A
statue of Melania Trump was burned down  in  Sevnica,  Slovenia. . . .
Nearly two dozen people were injured by a tree that fell  on a back yard
birthday party in Pasadena, California. . . .
Keisha Lance Bottoms, may-
or of Atlanta, Georgia,  Jair Bolsonaro, president of Brazil,  and
Jeanine
Áñez, president of Bolivia, tested  positive. . . . Kanye West was running
for President. . . . Tuesday  July  7  was Blackout Day. . . . Jimmy John's
sandwich shop employees in Woodstock,  Georgia,  made a noose out of
bread dough that went wild on Slapcrap Snapchat (and they got fired)....
The double negative "irregardless"   made it back into the Merriam-Web-
ster Dictionary  (the astute will say "disirregardless" – the additional neg-
ative corrects the error,  and makes the malaprop sound  even  more  eru-
dite).
                                                                                 
[courtesy LEX18, AP]

drewloob.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Drew Hallaux, WM, 22, 5'11", 155 lbs, criminal deprivation; Stephanie Kay Heernandez, Indian F, 28, 5'3", 170 lbs, probation violation (burglary); Pascaul Ruiz Jr., HM, 33, 5'10", 230 lbs, felon with firearm (Sedgwick County Sheriff); Arrested in Abilene  (Texas, not Kansas): Lynne Norris Looby, WF, 62, 5'1", 110 lbs, injury to elderly; Patsy Marie Sierra, WF, 30, 5'5", 300+ lbs (Yorkshire hog), endangerment of a child (Abilene Crime Stoppers)
drewloob.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Drew Hallaux, WM, 22, 5'11", 155 lbs, criminal deprivation; Stephanie Kay Heernandez, Indian F, 28, 5'3", 170 lbs, probation violation (burglary); Pascaul Ruiz Jr., HM, 33, 5'10", 230 lbs, felon with firearm (Sedgwick County Sheriff); Arrested in Abilene  (Texas, not Kansas): Lynne Norris Looby, WF, 62, 5'1", 110 lbs, injury to elderly; Patsy Marie Sierra, WF, 30, 5'5", 300+ lbs (Yorkshire hog), endangerment of a child (Abilene Crime Stoppers)
The sports:
transwim.jpg
A  "trans" swim queen,  Valentina  Sam-
paio,  will  be  Sports Illustrated's featur-
ed model in its annual  swimsuit  edition.
.  .  . 
A number of major league baseball
players elected to  opt  out  of this  year's
shortened season. . . . Thirty-five Nation-
al Hockey League players tested positive.
. . . 
A Tabloid Headlines poll!   Vote ear-
lymore than once,  and often.  Write-ins
encouraged:
Next week:  Football (Baltimore Black Birds?).

mirandae.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Miguel Ortega, WM, 47, DUI x3; Miranda Ellis, WF, 34, aggravated assault (see how she's changed in a year); Blanca Cajas, 38, family assault; Betley Green, WM, 22, a/k/a "Red" Green, contr. subs., felon with fiarearm
mirandae.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Miguel Ortega, WM, 47, DUI x3; Miranda Ellis, WF, 34, aggravated assault (see how she's changed in a year); Blanca Cajas, 38, family assault; Betley Green, WM, 22, a/k/a "Red" Green, contr. subs., felon with fiarearm
Dear Eleanor:
                            Our first granddaughter is getting married in six months
                            and has told her parents that no one  from  either  family
                            is invited to the wedding.    They want to get married by
                            themselves because they are both shy and don’t want to
                            be the center of attention. Then she said she wants a pre-
                            wedding party for both families to attend. So I asked her
                            to keep an open mind and think about  having  the  party
                            right after the wedding. Now she won’t talk to me!  Was
                            I wrong?

                            My husband now says he doesn’t want to attend any party
                            they will have.      I can’t stop thinking about our daughter
                            and how she feels about not being able to see her daughter
                            get married.
                                                        Depressed in North Carolina

Dear Deep:
                       Hmmm.  The party is where the gifts are dropped, isn't it?
                       Greedy little bitch, isn't she?  Your husband is right.



DISCUSSION GROUP:

   Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectu-
al dissection of important current events  are in-
vited  to attend the Weekly World News Round
Table  at  the  offices  of   Borf   Books  outside
Brownsville,  Kentucky, just  after church every
Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in
the near future will include Peyton Manker, who
created this dress for her 2020 high school prom.
peyton01.jpg



Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "Shred-it <lynn.brown@shredit.com>"
        titled "Don’t trust anyone for your document destruction. Get a security expert"
and
        seven more
messages from "Clutterbook" "Facebook" titled "See Stephen Yates's mes-
        sage and other notifications you've missed
."


lifegoat.jpg  Life Saver Dude OK, You can  . . . pleasedo not climb on rocks
lifegoat.jpg  Life Saver Dude OK, You can  . . . pleasedo not climb on rocks

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without
that redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines €“ or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



July 5, 2020
:      Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter
in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines:


Kate finaly talks, forgiving Meghan, preparing to be Queen & baby No. 4 (In Touch); Prince Andrew hunted by Epstein killers (Star); Andrew blindsided by Epstein madam's testimony (Globe); Brad kicks Jen out (Star)
Kate finaly talks, forgiving Meghan, preparing to be Queen & baby No. 4 (In Touch); Prince Andrew hunted by Epstein killers (Star); Andrew blindsided by Epstein madam's testimony (Globe); Brad kicks Jen out (Star)
LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Etta Jean Darrig wrote Sun 6/28/20 @ 10:35 CDT:
As Glyfada suggested, 2020 vision is accursed.
Jane Etta Darrig wrote Sun 6/28/20 @ 10:40 CDT:
What did we expect in the 21st year of the 21st century?
Publius Leget wrote Sun 6/28/20 @11:27 CDT:
If we pushed the year 2000 back to the 20th century, where
it belongs, we might be able to see again.
Chawalit Gawjarone wrote Sun 6/28/20 @ 15:30 CDT:
As my darlin' said . . . .

How can  you watch televsion?
                                                      – a Tabloid Headlines editorial
With the one and arguable exception of Judy Woodruff,  ev-
eryone on TV is stupid and ugly.  Even Judy Woodruff asks
questions of ugly and stupid people. . . .

Dumb news from Indiana:
Tested positive, 48,628; died, 2,687. . . .

amyjones.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Ares Howard, WM, 6'1", 165 lbs, killing & torturing a vertebrate animal; Amy Jones,WF, 5'7", 145 lbs, theft; Joshua Chism, BM, 5'4", 135 lbs, meth; Dane Kobus, WM, 6'0", 200 lbs, pro. vi. (theft) (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
amyjones.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Ares Howard, WM, 6'1", 165 lbs, killing & torturing a vertebrate animal; Amy Jones,WF, 5'7", 145 lbs, theft; Joshua Chism, BM, 5'4", 135 lbs, meth; Dane Kobus, WM, 6'0", 200 lbs, pro. vi. (theft) (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

A Catholic priest in Carmel was scolded by his bishop for
remarks in a weekly bulletin equating black lives that mat-
ter with maggots and parasites. . . .

Enforcement  of the state's  new  panhandling  law
which
would prohibit requesting money within 50 feet  of  ATMs,
business and restaurant entrances,  public  monuments  and
locations of financial transaction (including parking meters)

was enjoined by a federal court in a free speech suit brought
by the American Civil Liberties Union. . . .

Pete Buttigieg joined the faculty of the University of Notre
Dame.
                                              [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Dumb news from Kentucky:
About  5,000  chickens  died in a truck that overturned in Todd
County (none of them due to covid-19 or police shootings).  A-
bout 1,500 survived.
        
                                                           [courtesy WBKO-TV]
Tested positive, 16,679; died, 608. . . .

Activists were calling for a boycott of this year's Kentucky Der-
by, rescheduled for September,  in memory of  Breonna  Taylor,
the black woman  shot  dead  in  her  bed  by police executing a
"no knock" search warrant. . . .
                                                                           [courtesy LEX18]

brethank.jpg Louisville police detective wanted for murder of Breonna Taylor, Bret Hankinson; police wanted for murder in Minneapolis, Minnesota: Derek Chauvin, Alexander Kueng, Thomas Lane, Tou Thao
brethank.jpg Louisville police detective wanted for murder of Breonna Taylor, Bret Hankinson; police wanted for murder in Minneapolis, Minnesota: Derek Chauvin, Alexander Kueng, Thomas Lane, Tou Thao

Quotation of the week:
                                        "She had a ghost writer. I'm writing every word myself, and . . . it's taking
                                          longer."
                                                          – Barack Obama, reviewing his wife's memoir, Becoming

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):

    "How do you make five pounds of ugly fat look good?
     Put a nipple on it."
                                                                – Leonard Simon


Birthdays:
                    June 29:  Gary Busey, 76
                                   "Little" Eva Boyd (1943-2003)
                    June 30:  Esa-Pekka Salonen, 62
                                    Ron Swoboda, 76
                    July 1:  Princess Di (1961-1997)
                                 Dan Aykroyd, 68
                                 Deborah Harry, 75
                                 Jamie Farr, 86
                                 Leslie Caron, 89
                                 Olivia de Havilland, 104
                    July 2:  Lindsay Lohan, 34
                                 Moon So-Ri, 46
                                 Luci Baines Johnson Nugent Turpin, 73
                                 Richard Petty, 83
                                 Ahmad Jamal, 90
                                 Imelda Marcos, 91
                    July 3:  Julian Assange, 49
                                 Tom Cruise, 58
                    July 4:  Gina Lollobrigida, 93
                                 Eva Marie Saint, 96
                                 U.S.A.!  U.S.A.!  244
                    July 5:  Edie Falco, 57
                                 Julie Nixon Eisenhower, 72
                                 The Dalai Lama, 85
Deaths:
              Hugh Downs, 99
              Carl Reiner, 98
              Margaret "Maggi" Montgomery Miller Passafiume, 68
              Harper Pepsi Romei, 22
                                                                                                          [Louisville Courier-Journal]

snelpook.jpg Wanted in Waco: Vincent L. Snell Jr., BM, 17, 5'9", 135 lbs, organized crime; Ghost Ghost, WM, 37, Irion County, miscellaneous marshal hold (photo not available); LaQuinton Deonta Williams, BM, a/k/a Dameon Griggs, Dante Wlliams, Pookie, 40, 5'8", 200 lbs, failure to register
snelpook.jpg Wanted in Waco: Vincent L. Snell Jr., BM, 17, 5'9", 135 lbs, organized crime; Ghost Ghost, WM, 37, Irion County, miscellaneous marshal hold (photo not available); LaQuinton Deonta Williams, BM, a/k/a Dameon Griggs, Dante Wlliams, Pookie, 40, 5'8", 200 lbs, failure to register
Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
The Rolling Stones threatened the Trump campaign with legal action
for ignoring their "cease and desist" demands over its use of their mu-
sic,  particularly "You Can't Always Get What You Want." . . .  A 72-
year-old woman trying to photograph a bison was gored by the critter
in Yellowstone National Park.. . .  Two Little Caesar's employees in a
Cleveland, Ohio,  suburb were fired for placing pepperonis on the top
of a pizza in the form of a swastika. . . . The Ford Motor Company put
off the unveiling of its 2021 Bronco from July 9 to July 13 when it re-
alized the earlier date was O. J. Simpson's birthday. . . . Thursday was
UFO Day. . . .  Herman Cain and Donald Trump Jr.'s girl friend, Kim-
berly Guilfoyle
,  tested positive. . . . Folding chairs were tied together
at the July 3 Mount Rushmore rally,  preventing "social distance." . . .
The Austin City Limits music festival was canceled. . . .  A  whipping
post was removed from Sussex County's Courthouse lawn in George-
town, Delaware.
                                                             [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

heidilee.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Jonathan Gomez Williams, WM, 27, 5'8", 135 lbs, abuse of a child; Heidi Leanne Mellington, WF, 32, 5'6", 240 lbs, Yorkshire hog, endangerment of a child; Xavier Nathaniel Jordan, BM, 33, 5'10", 155 lbs, prob. viol. (poss. of a firearm); Adrais Duane Smith, BM, 22, 5'7", 140 lbs, prob. viol. (opiates); Jeremiah Alexander Sol8is, WM, 36, 5'11", 280 lbs, drug paraphern. (Sedgwick County Sheriff) 
heidilee.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Jonathan Gomez Williams, WM, 27, 5'8", 135 lbs, abuse of a child; Heidi Leanne Mellington, WF, 32, 5'6", 240 lbs, Yorkshire hog, endangerment of a child; Xavier Nathaniel Jordan, BM, 33, 5'10", 155 lbs, prob. viol. (poss. of a firearm); Adrais Duane Smith, BM, 22, 5'7", 140 lbs, prob. viol. (opiates); Jeremiah Alexander Sol8is, WM, 36, 5'11", 280 lbs, drug paraphern. (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
Dear Eleanor:
                            I have three beautiful daughters. The oldest moved to
                            Wisconsin some years ago.  About a year ago my mid-
                            dle daughter went to visit her.  My older daughter said
                            something about politics the  younger  one  didn't  like,
                            and since then the younger has refused to communicate
                            with the older.  It's breaking my heart.  My older daugh-
                            ter asked if I could help.  They used to be close.

                            I tried talking to the younger one.  She said she loves the
                            older sister and for me to let her handle it.  She promised
                            she would contact her, but it has been three months and –
                            nothing.  What can I do?
                                                                                               Mom in Oregon
Dear Mama:
                        You know how politics is these days.  You need to find a sta-
                        tue they can agree to topple.


DISCUSSION GROUP:

   Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectu-
al dissection of important current events  are in-
vited  to attend the Weekly World News Round
Table  at  the  offices  of   Borf   Books  outside
Brownsville,  Kentucky, just  after church every
Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in
the near future will include the ghost of Marsha P. Johnson.
marshapj.jpg



The sports:
The National Football League reportedly will play  "Lift  Every
Voice and Sing," or the "Black Anthem," as a prelude to the Na-
tional Anthem  before the first games this season.  .  .  .  Jimmie
Johnson tested positive.


lifeshop.jpg "Mall Maintenance Shop: We can repair anything. Please knock hard on the door;the bell doesn't work." Life Saver Dude: I'll fix it . . .
lifeshop.jpg "Mall Maintenance Shop: We can repair anything. Please knock hard on the door;the bell doesn't work." Life Saver Dude: I'll fix it . . .

Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "ivanovkoliaeevi@inbox.ru" titled
        "Hank Hebhoe: capsule is what body requires to keep fit & healthy" and 17 more
        messages from "Clutterbook" "Facebook" titled "See Stephen Yates's message and
        other notifications you've missed."

jeankort.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Angelica Morales, 26, assault; Jean Kort, 49, poss.; Lila Castillo, 37, parole vi.; Misty Martinez, 36, marijuana; Rosaelia Zapata, 31, cont. substs.;Endla Tipton, 60, burglary; Barbara LaSater, 59, cont. substs.
jeankort.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Angelica Morales, 26, assault; Jean Kort, 49, poss.; Lila Castillo, 37, parole vi.; Misty Martinez, 36, marijuana; Rosaelia Zapata, 31, cont. substs.;Endla Tipton, 60, burglary; Barbara LaSater, 59, cont. substs.
HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

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TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
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have a special filter to detect that.)


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


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Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
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  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor