Good evening, this is your E.T. reporter Merry Heartland here to give you the insiders' perspective. I’m going to fill you in on all the excitement, gossip, and of course the clothes from this first annual Café Dartre awards ceremony. These shots were taken before the televised ceremony began and we will give you front row seats as the stars make their entrances.
MH: Look, here comes our Mistress of Ceremonies, sam I am, escorted by her husband, jay. Sam, sam, can you come over and say hello for a minute? SIA: Hey there Merry, I’m so glad y’all could make it. Aren’t you excited about out first Darties awards ceremony? We at the Café are hoping that someday the Darties will be as big as the Emmy’s. Or at least the VH-1 awards. And don’t ya like my little ole dress? MH: I sure do sam, it’s Vera Wang isn’t it? J: i wanted her to wear something w/ a little more libertarian flavor like ann taylor or something but heck I’d never force anyone to do anything. And she looks pretty hot doesn’t she, for a mother of five? SIA:(elbowing jay) Of course it’s Vera Wang and thanks for the compliment, honey. See ya on stage, Merry! MH: Let's see who else is arriving. The limousines are lined up around the block ready to let off the Café stars. Hmmm, that man in the tweed jacket must be Lord James. Hey, LJ, over heeeeeeere. LJ: Good evening, Miss Heartland. MH: Wow LJ, that tweed is just soooo Brit. But isn’t it a bit risky? LJ: Well Miss Heart, my stylist and I considered a plain black tux, but I really wanted my royal British roots to shine, so we decided on this look instead. I’m confident that it won’t hurt my chances anyway …. I’m sure I’ve got several awards sewn up. Ta ta, duckie. MH: My goodness we are certainly seeing some interesting clothing choices here tonight. Lots of wonderful personality in this group. Speaking of which, here comes Mr. Bluefrog, one of tonight’s presenters. Lets see if we can get a word with him. BF: Hi, Merry. MH: Are those “frogs” on your cumberbund? BF: Indeed they are. MH: And is that a blue tux? BF: My dear lady, it is to be expected, indeed it is practically required, that each of us distinct and individual personalities who participate in these rantings and ravings at the aforementioned Café Darte, and those parties, most particularly those who are nominated, or who are presenting, are guaranteed to appear in a manner befitting our status, reputation and not to mention ego. In short, what the heck did you expect from a blue frog? MH: I forgot, you’re a lawyer too, aren’t you? BF: Well Merry, lawyer is a bit of an oversimplification. In all actual- MH : (pushing past bluefrog): Look, look, isn’t that Nette? MH: Nette, as a newbie at the Café, how does it feel to be nominated in so many categories? N: Well Merry, everybody knows I have a lot of fans. Being nominated in so many categories was just an inevitable result. (heard from the crowd): Way to go Nettie girl. I’m your biggest fan. Nette is a hottie! MH: Well Nette, looks like your loyal following is here today. N: (waving to her fans) They follow me everywhere Merry – my biggest fan needs to get a life. Opps, hey, gotta go, I think that’s Kenneth Brannaugh I see…Hey Keennnnnnnnie……. MH: Coming up the walkway right now is double nominee Lee and star CD investor Dorothy. Lee is wearing a stunning black beaded dress by Richard Tyler and Dorothy looks smashing in a purple DKNY pantsuit. Ladies, can I get a word with each of you? Lee, those red shoes are terrific! LEE: Thanks, Merry, look at these pictures of my grandkiddies, they’re the real winners here! MH: My, those are lovely kids, Lee. LEE: And look, I’ve got cat pictures too…. MH: Dorothy, how’s the Amazon stock? We hear rumors that you are going to make a take over bid for CBS in the near future. DOT: Don’t believe everything you hear. I’m actually looking at how to buy out PBS and to make it an all Shakespeare station. MH: Cool, Dorothy. Have fun tonight ladies. Next down the red carpet are the Café’s very own literary sweethearts, Library Guy and Nova Girl. LG looks better than Mel Gibson in his Armani jacket and kilt and NG is wearing a darling little black velvet number. The crowd is going wild for these two. Hey Nova Girl, who designed that dress? NG: Well, actually Merry, I did, and my Mom sewed it for me. A writer can’t afford designer originals. Isn’t it fun though. MH: It’s a great dress, Nova, and I can’t even see any cat hairs on it! Library Guy, you should wear a kilt more often. I think that woman over there fainted at the sight of your legs. LG: I’m here to speak for the little person. The misunderstood person. The oddity. (Taking NG by the arm). Goodnight Merry, and may the fishboy live forever in our memories. MH: Um, OK, well give me a bow to pin on my dress - how about blue? No one’s using blue yet, are they? Here come two of the Café’s most respected posters, Buzz Lightyear and Guinevere. Buzz is in character today, and Guin looks stunning in this season’s hottest look, vintage. Buzz and Guin, over heeeeeeeerrrre. BUZZ: Greetings Merry, I come in peace! GUIN: Hi Merry. I’m so happy to be here. As an attorney, I didn’t expect to get nominated for anything, especially this category. It’s nice to be able to show the world that EDHL are people too! MH: So how is it that the two of you, battling for the same Dartie, are coming to the ceremony together? Don’t you feel the competition? I hear many of the races are close. BUZZ & GUIN (in unison): We respect each other. BUZZ: (winking) Besides, we are both SUV-hating, green-loving democrats. What’s not to respect! MH: Good luck to you both! Let’s take a quick shot to special ET Correspondents English Teacher & Coopmeister who are inside the pavillion. COOP: Right now we’re watching Café Comedian N.G. Neer, who is practicing his opening monologue. N.G., what’s your schtick going to be tonight? NG: Well Merry, given the world’s and the boards' concern with the economy, I’m going to open with a Café Darte fiscal report. And I promise, Arthur Anderson should take notes! COOP: The crowd will be waiting with baited breath. E.T.: Oooh look, I see Connie and Ms Lois coordinating their presentation. Wow, they both look spectacular. Hey, wait a minute, Ms. Lois just took a swing at Connie. And hey. Connie just hit her back. Coop, Coop honey, can’t you DO something? Make them stop fighting, please. COOP: Nothing doing ,darling – I’m not getting in between those two. Back to you Merry. MH: Thanks Coop, I’m here with café curmudgeon nominees RayThom Hathaway, Dave/Mort, Handyone and BobB. Gentlemen, did you all plan to arrive together? BB: Well Merry honey, in the interest of curmudgeonly bro-hood, I figgered we’all ought to walk in as one man. RT: I an’t doin’ it. See ya. MH: Well there goes Ray and your plan BobB. HO: I’ve got nothing good to say about anyone Merry. DM: I just hate libs. Are you one of those lib chicks Merry? Hmm, well, on the other hand- MH: (pushing them away): Goodbye Gentlemen. God. What a bunch of grumpy old men. Here’s my antidote, Mr. Congeniality nominee Mad Man, and Ms. Sunshine herself, or is that himself, Tracker. MH: So Tracker, if you win tonight, will you tell us whether you are really a boy or a girl? TR: Merry, I’ve told people over and over again, I am NOT Wrangler, and I AM a GIRL. Geez! MM: I’m just so happy to be nominated. I love everyone at the café, I love all the nominees, I love all my fans. I am so excited to be here tonight, and did I mention that I’m soooo happy? MH: Well folks, that about wraps it up out here. Congratulations to everyone at the Café! Let’s all Party like it’s 1999. Oh, well, geeze, I guess it is. Isn’t it?
Nette is a "hottie?" How am I supposed to know that? I've never *seen* Nette before! by A Horde-of-One Fan on 1/06/99 at 2:59:45 PM
I am a Fan of Nette's mind! Her Ginsu-knife wit, her sharp-as-a-tack observations, her droll and adroit humor, her superior punctuation skills.
Far be it from this fan to ascribe any sort of carnal desires to the object of my admiration. As a matter of fact, when I picture Nette I picture a rather larg.... Oh, dear me. I'm fading into one of my reveries again!!
The Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Waste by RAYmond ThOMas Hathaway on 1/06/99 at 3:28:40 PM And nothing wasted here. Boundless imagination! As my idol, Andy Rooney would say, "did you ever notice"... some people have way too much time on their hands. Thanks for the memories. See ya' Ray
LOL. And don't try to tell me that this BBS isn't educational! by Lee on 1/06/99 at 3:56:43 PM Thanks to this whole awards thing, I now know the names of two fashion designers I'd never heard of two weeks ago: Vera Wang and Richard Tyler. And, are you sure you don't want to see my cats' pictures?
Okay!!! Lets see those cat pictures, Lee. [NM] by Scot on 1/06/99 at 7:10:11 PM
lol, merry heartland!! just what the awards needed! [NM] by sam i am on 1/06/99 at 7:57:44 PM
A delightful companion to the Award Ceremony. And Lee by bluefrog on 1/06/99 at 8:23:11 PM put this one in the archive as well.
Yes,Merry, I'm glad you asked. That is a politically correct Silver Guillotine Lapel Pin on my tux. [NM] by Handyone on 1/06/99 at 10:28:06 PM
For the record, I was not at the ceremony, nor reporting on it, thank you very much. [NM] by Coopmeister on 1/07/99 at 8:22:07 AM
Merry! Confess! Who are you??!! EXCELLENT post! [NM] by Mad Man on 1/07/99 at 10:51:18 PM
