(Note to readers: Unless you are one of the select few who actually has had the devious priviledge of meeting Kevin Fong, you will not understand this at all and are better off to move to another section in the site)

Once upon a time, there lived an evil prince named Wesley McCoy. He was a very deranged prince who often was constipated. He lived in a giant castle with 12 bedroom, 3 kitchens and 134 bathrooms. After attempting to produce feces in the morning he would always go to his magic mirror and say, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, Ask me if I'm a tree."

And the mirror would ask him if he was a tree.

McCoy would then reply, "No. Mirror, mirror on the wall, whose the freakiest of them all?"

And the mirror always replied, "It is you." That was until today...

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, ask me if I'm a tree."

"Are you a tree?"

"No. Mirror, mirror on the wall whose the freakiest of them all."

"Freaky Fong." McCoy was shocked; how could someone be more freaky than him? He questioned the mirror.

"Who is this freaky Fong?"

"He lives in Biesmark. He has a bad temper, eats loots of cheese and is overweight."

"So he's freaky fat Fong."

"Yes indedee." replied the mirror.

McCoy sent an army of men to get freaky fat Fong but they could not lift him. So he sent a forklift to get freaky fat Fong but still he could not be lifted. Finally they decided to roll him to the castle. When McCoy saw freaky fat Fong he realized who he was right away.

"You are the blob that Chantale left me for."He accused.

"Yes I was," He replied. "But I left her for another man."

"I've heard of the perverted things you two do." He said.

"At least I don't mud wrestle with her."

"That's because you'd squash her." After many insults McCoy was glad to hear that Chantale had left freaky fat Fong for the tuba player in the band. McCoy decided to execute freaky fat Fong. He brought him to the execution line where he was to be shot by twenty gunmen.

"Any final requests?" McCoy asked.

"I'd like some cheese please." freaky fat Fong replied. Since they were in Germany, McCoy sent some men over to Switzerland to get delicious Swiss cheese. After Fong ate it the soldiers prepared to shot him...

"Pow!" The bullets shot and hit freaky fat Fong in the belly. Luckily they bounced away. Now Fong was slightly slow, which is why it had taken him until now to realize McCoy wanted to kill him. He became very angry and ran away. This caused an earthquake that even mad cows in Vermont could feel. It was the biggest quake in German history since the infamous Rita McNeil quake of ‘76. Sixteen minutes latter, Fong had distanced himself 2 Kilometers from the castle. Out of breath, he sat down and started to roll. He rolled a bit until he came to a little house. While this was a normal house, everything appeared small compared to Fong so he assumed dwarfs lived there. After eating most of the food in the house, he decided to sleep...

Now this house was lived in by seven Fags. The fags returned from their night jobs and entered their house. There were seven Fags; Jason, Simon, Vivek, Imran, Asim, Hassan and Daniel. Daniel was by far the most normal Fag but that would be like saying he was the least gay flower decorator who painted his nails and many people questioned his sanity since he worshiped mad cows and spent his time writing top ten lists and silly stories. Daniel went to feed his pet mad cow as soon as he got home. Imran ran right up to bed and found Fong sleeping in his bed. Imran had a "pitite coup de foudre" and he flung himself at Fong only to bounce away. He started a long climb towards the top of Fong's belly. Meanwhile, as usual Jason smelled himself when he got back. He did not think he smelled but many of his fellow Fags though he did. In fact all of them except Imran, who told him he smelled beautiful, couldn't stand stinky Jason. But a different odor caught his nose today. It was coming from upstairs. He walked up the stairs and found Imran on top of Fong, lying on his stomach. Jason screamed and all the other Fags came running upstairs. They were all amazed when they saw freaky Fong.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha," said Simon. Since as usual he could not stop laughing, they sent him outside to play with the mad cow. Then after Fong explained himself, the Fags decided to adopt him. After getting clearance from the SPCA, he was theirs. That night they all talked and got to know Fong (unfortunately). Meanwhile...

After Wesley McCoy had rebuilt his castle, he was glad to discover that the mirror was still working. Unfortunately none of his 134 toilets could flush so the castle was beginning to smell a little as now he was just relieving himself on the floor as he pleased (And he was often pleased). One morning he awoke and went to his mirror.

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, ask me if I'm a tree."

"Are you a tree?"

"No. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, whose the freakiest of them all?"

"Freaky, fat Fong." McCoy was outraged. So freaky fat Fong lived.

"Where is freaky fat Fong?" The magic mirror showed him the house of the seven Fags. McCoy prepared his plan...

The next morning, Daniel got up early and left for his job as the owner of microsoft. He had won the company when he bet Bill Gates that Darth Vader was in fact Luke’s father. Latter, the other six Fags woke up. Fong was still sleeping so they performed their morning rituals quietly. After scratching themselves, they went outside for Yoga. Then they left for their jobs in Berlin, as hookers. When Fong arose he turned on the TV to see his brother compete in the special olympics. Meanwhile outside...

McCoy arrived at the little house disguised as a door to door cheese salesman. When he arrived he saw Fong outside and began talking to him. After ten minutes he realized that this was a mad cow and not Fong. That's when he got his plan. He butchered the mad cow and prepared a dish of mad cow meat wrapped in cheese. He rang the doorbell...

Fong answered and saw the food. Before McCoy could speak, he saw the food and devoured it. McCoy was amazed at how gullible freaky fat Fong was and he left. Accidentally on the way out he tripped over Vivek's inflatable Barbie and banged his mouth on a pole...

Daniel returned from his hard day of work and, as usual, went out to visit his mad cow. Then a horrible sight met his eyes. There he was, his bloody carcass lying on the ground, his usual chubby belly, had been shredded. This was too much to handle. He began to weep...

The other six Fags were on their way home from their "jobs" in Berlin.

"So Imran how much did you make," asked Hasan.

"Twelves cents." Imran replied. The other five Fags were not surprised. Despite the demand for hookers in Berlin, Imran did not usually make much. "Actually," Imran continued, "One man gave me his bikini to remember him by." The Fags got home and found Daniel, sad and depressed. Then they saw the mad cow and realized what had happened. They all began to weep and they decided to arrange for a funeral for the cow. After they buried it, they entered their house. There they saw Fong's rotting carcass on the ground.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha," Simon laughed.

"Oh well," said Asim. Most of the Fags were a little disappointed but, after all, this wasn’t nearly as bad as the shocking news of their Mad Cow’s death. They put Fong in a box and placed him in the back yard next to the outhouse...

McCoy was having a wonderful day; he had killed freaky fat Fong, and he now believed his constipation problem had been solved. However, his mouth was swollen and he was having trouble speaking. As usual he went to his magic mirror.

"Miwwoor, miwwwoar, ake me ick a tree." Unfortunately the mirror thought McCoy had said, "make me an icky tree." So the mirror turned McCoy into a tree which grew next to the fags outhouse...

Back at the Fag's house, something smelled and for once it wasn't Jason. Everything was going awful. Simon had laughed for twenty days in a row, Jason had stolen Imran's dictionary and Asim had eaten Hasan's tongue. But worst of all, Fong's carcass smelled like rotten cheese! No one could think of a way to move it since it was so heavy.

"The only way we'll be able to move it would be if Fong came back to life," said Vivek jokingly. Then Daniel had a brilliant idea; better than bouncing balls, better than melting ice.

"Let's bring him back to life!" This confused many fags. Daniel was usually so smart but it appeared as if he had lost his mind. They all figured he was disturbed mentaly after his cow's death. "If his true love finds him, he will rise from the dead." This made sense except no one really knew what Fong could love.

"Cheese!"

"Star Trek!"

"Anything but Rovny!" Then everyone realized...

"Chawny!!!" It was so simple. He had talked so much about her. The only problem was finding her.

"I know where she is," said Jason. "She was one of my umm... "customers" last night. That's when everyone realized why Jason was so happy today and had not swatted Imran as usual. They phoned her up and she agreed to come...

She arrived that night. The smell was so bad that she had to wear the fags gas mask reserved only for days after Jason had eaten beans. But the Fags played band music as she opened the box he was in. She gentle leaned over him.

"CHAWNY'S IN THE BAND!!!" he screamed. They quickly reconciled and ran (sort of) into the sunset. And everyone lived happily ever after (except Chantale).

THE END