Welcome all, to the Joke Section of TC's home on the web. These come to ya via the psycho known as LF..(ME)..
Disclaimer: these jokes are not intended to offend anyone in anyway......it's all in "fun"...laughter is the best medicine...enjoy...
I take this time to "plug" the Management...without her this wouldn't be possible.
Why did the chicken cross the road?? Pat Buchanan To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. Louis Farrakhan The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down. The Bible And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. Colonel Sanders I missed one? L.A. Police Department Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out. Richard M. Nixon The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any chickens. Bill Clinton I repeat, I did not have sexual relations with that chicken. Dr. Seuss Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told! Ernest Hemingway To die. In the rain. Martin Luther King, Jr. I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. Grandpa In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. Aristotle It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. It was a historical inevitability. Saddam Hussein This was an unprovoked act of aggression by a dissident foul, and we were quite justified in giving the chicken anthrax, which we do not produce, and have never seen. Captain James T. Kirk To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. Fox Mulder You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it? Machiavelli The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was. Freud The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. Bill Gates Next year (or sometime Real Soon Now), I will release Microsoft Chicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook --- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of the chicken. Einstein Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? ______________________________________________________________________ THE RULES 1. The Female always makes the Rules. This is necessary because the Male holds the Female responsible for how everything in his life turns out. 2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification. Notification does occurs, but the Male has either ignored, misunderstood or forgotten what's been said. 3. No Male can possibly know all the Rules. Because the Male either ignores, misunderstands or forgets them and never says so. 4. If the Female suspects the Male knows the Rules, she must immediately change some of the Rules. This is done to keep the Male involved, responsive, and a little bit crazy. Otherwise, life would be predicable and boring. 5. The Female is never wrong. Never! Ever! 6. If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which is a direct result of something the Male said or did. 7. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding. 8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time. The Female can do this because she willingly accepts responsibility for her actions. The Female also accepts responsibility for the actions of the Male. 9. Because the Male usually expects the Female to find a way to correct what he's screwed up as a result of changing his mind, the Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female which is given only in cases where the female wanted him to change his mind but gave no indication of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13. 10. The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole judgment she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of the root cause of the female's being angry or upset. The female may, however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying attention. Caring for the Male 24 hours a day gives her this right. See rule 13. 11. The Male must remain calm at all times unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset. 12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset. Some things in life a Male should try and figure out for himself. 13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm. Or worse. 14. The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the sole discretion of the female. 15. The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past incident without regard to temporal or spatial distance, and modify, enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive, pigheaded, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish. 16. The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such illustrations are non-rebuttable. 17. If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviors she wishes without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior. 18. The Male cannot diagnose PMS. However, the Male would be able to do so if it were a Male problem. The Male would then have complete disability benefits as well as total in-house care because of it. 19. Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought, opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective interpretation of the female, other external factors notwithstanding. Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject pleas for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances, especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.