Dear Sir,
	Thank you for your letter of April 1. After careful consideration I 
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer 
me employment with your firm.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually 
large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising 
field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite your outstanding qualifications and previous experience in 
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with  my 
needs at this time.
Therefore, I will initiate my employment with your firm immediately 
following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.

Sincerely,

C.U. Monday

Funy thing 2)One day, a teacher decided to play a game with her students. She told them to close their eyes and hold out their hands, and she would put a lifesaver into their hands. The children had to guess what flavor. Now, everybody had fun, but they were getting tired of the flavors. So the teacher went out and bought a new flavor called honey lifesavers. When she g ave them to the children, no one could guess the flavor, so she decided to give them a clue. "You may hear you parents call each other this sometimes," she said. Afterstating this, one child spit the lifesaver out and said, "Spit it out everybody! They're assholes!'

also there is this
"Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question? "Sure son, what's the question?" "What's politics?" "Well, let's take our home for an example. I'm the wage earner, so lets call me "Capitalism". Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her "Government". We take care of you and your needs, so lets call you "the people". We'll call the maid "the working class" and your baby brother "the future". Do you understand, son?" "I'm not really sure, dad. I'll have to think about it." That night, awakened by his baby brother crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He then went to the maid's room and saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheard by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father, "Dad, now I think I understand what politics is all about." "Good, Son. Can you explain it to me in your own words?" "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class and the Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit."

more thoughts on life
It seems that when the good Lord was making the world, he called Man aside and bestowed upon him 20 years of normal sex life. Man was horrified, but the Creator refused to budge. Then the Lord called the Monkey and gave him 20 years. "But I don't need 20 years," said the Monkey. "Ten years is plenty."Man spoke up and said, "May I have the other 10 years?" The Monkey agreed. The Lord called the Lion next and also gave him 20 good years. The Lion also only wanted 10, so again Man spoke up, "May I have your other ten years?" "Of course," said the Lion. Then came the Donkey, who was also granted 20 years. Like the others, 10 was more than enough. Man again asked for the spare ten years, and he got them. This explains why Man has 20 years of normal sex life, 10 years of monkeying around, 10 years of lion bout it, and 10 years of making an ass out of himself. Funny thing 3)UNIVERSITY ENTRANCE EXAM - FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION

1.   Foreign Language: What language is spoken in France?

2.   History: Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire
 with
     particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social
     conditions
     -OR-
     Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3.   Literature: Would you ask William Shakespeare to
     (a) build a bridge
     (b) sail the ocean
     (c) lead an army or
     (d) WRITE A PLAY

4.   Religion: What religion is the Pope?
     (a) Jewish
     (b) Catholic
     (c) Hindu
     (d) Polish
     (e) Agnostic (circle only one)

5.   Metric Conversion: How many feet equal 0.0 meters?

6.   Physics: What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the
 little
hand is on the 5?

7.   Religion: How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8.   Geography: What are people in America's far north called?
     (a) Westerners
     (b) Southerners
     (c) Northerners

9.   American History: Spell Bush, Carter, and Clinton

10.  European History: Six kings of England have been called George,
the last
one being George the Sixth.  Name the previous five.

11.  Natural Science: Where does rain come from?
     (a) Macy's
     (b) a 7-11
     (c) Canada
     (d) the sky

12.  Advanced Physics: Can you explain Einstein's Theory of
 Relativity?
     (a) yes
     (b) no

13.  Philosophy: What are coat hangers used for?

14.  Political Science: The Star Spangled Banner is the National
Anthem for
what country?

15.  Physics: Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium
     -OR-
     spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16.  Architecture: Where is the basement in a three story building
 located?

17.  Agricultural Science: Which part of America produces the most
 oranges?
     (a) New York
     (B) Florida
     (c) Canada
     (d) Wisconsin

18.  Advanced math: If you have three apples how many apples do you
 have?

19.  Communications: What does NBC (National Broadcasting
 Corporation) stand
     for?

20.  The Cornell University tradition for efficiency began when
     (approximately)?
     (a) B.C.
     (b) A.D.
     (c) still waiting

*You must answer three or more questions correctly to qualify

ohh shit don't say this to your wife
Upon getting to work one morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is reminded by his secretary that it his wife’s birthday today. At lunch, Marvin goes to the local mall and tries to find a gift for her.Unfortunately, he realizes that life has been good and she has everything she needs. Upon passing a lingerie store, Marvin realizes that his wife has never bought any lingerie in her life. He gets the idea to buy his wife something sexy to make her feel good and young.Marvin goes into the store and tells the clerk to wrap up the most expensive, sheerest negligee she has. Marvin takes the gift and excitedly runs home to his wife. Upon finding her in the kitchen he tells her to take the gift upstairs and unwrap it. He’ll wait in the kitchen. His wife thanks him and goes up to the edroom.Once the package is opened she realizes that this is something she’s never had before. She also sees that it is so sheer it leaves nothing to the imagination. She thinks for a moment and then decides that she’ll really surprise Marvin and go downstairs without any clothes on at all. So she leaves the negligee on the bed and starts down the stairs stark naked. She calls out, “Marvin, come out to the hallway and look.” Marvin walks out to the staircase, looks up at his wife, and exclaims, “All that money and they didn’t even iron it.
1)There were 3 men standing in line at the Heaven Gate to go into Heaven. The Gate keeper said, "Sorry, but we've had too many people come in today so now I'll only take people with the worst death story. The first guy came up. He said, "Well, I live on the 7th story of an 10 story building. I decided to come home from work early because I thought my wife was having an affair on me. So when I got home, I looked all over the house. Then I saw someone hanging off of the balcony outside my bedroom. Then I got angry and tried to knock him off. He just kept hanging on, so then I ran back inside and grabbed an hammer and pounded on his fingers. Then he fell to the ground. But then I saw he was still alive so I grabbed the refrigerator and through it down on him. In all the excitement I had an heart attack and died. So here I am." And then the gate keeper said, "Wow, that's a pretty amazing death. I'll let you in." Then the second guy came up and said, "I'm an aerobic instructor. I was working out on the balcony on the 8th story of a 10 story apartment building. Anyway, I accidentally fell off the balcony. Luckily I caught myself on the railing of the balcony right below mine. Then some weirdo came out and started kicking me and hitting me trying to knock me off. I tried as hard as I could to stay on. Then he went and grabbed an hammer and started pounding on my fingers. Eventually I let go. But I got lucky again and landed in some bushes and survived. Then all I remember is looking up and seeing a refrigerator coming down straight at me. And so here I am." Then the gate keeper said, "Well, that's a great story. You can go in." Then the 3rd person came up and said, "Ok, here I am hiding in this refrigerator naked...."

MORE JOKES)A man receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when he arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium -- he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter he notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man replies no. Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, he again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?" The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been together at since we got married in 1942." "Well, that's terribly sad. But still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or close friend?" "No," the man replied, "they're all at the funeral."