ready to laugh? ppl already have (since the sept 7th)

on this page you will see any jokes quote or funny things i come a cross read as much or as little as you like. Also mail meas many joke that you want to see here see my hate list is good fun or go to my game page from there you can go to my emulator page or stunts page

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50 things to do while in an exam

1.Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes.Wake up, say "oh geez,
     better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early. 
   2.Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!" 
   3.If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer
     with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol. 
   4.Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril. 
   5.Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with
     yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then
     start talking about what a jerk the instructor is. 
   6.Bring cheerleaders. 
   7.Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I
     don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal?
     And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?" 
   8.Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level. 
   9.On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every
     question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with
     my religious beliefs. Be creative. 
  10.Bring pets. 
  11.Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the
     instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off. 
  12.Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw
     them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy
     of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat th is process every fifteen minutes. 
  13.Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers. 
  14.Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else. 
  15.Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as
  16.Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For
     math/science exams, try using Roman numerals. 
  17.Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest
     to you. 
  18.As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it. 
  19.Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video
     during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to
     expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay. 
  20.Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the
  21.Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on
     how easy it was. 
  22.Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam,
     spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..). 
  23.Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked
  24.Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Screw
     this!" and walk out triumphantly. 
  25.Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not
     everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink) 
  26.Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you
     should start crying for mommy). 
  27.Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very
     derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up
     to a clapper. DUH!" 
  28.Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day. 
  29.Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and
     start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away. 
  30.Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small,
     and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every
     lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam. 
  31.Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me
     to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!" 
  32.Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said. 
  33.From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's
     requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin
     whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai. 
  34.Start a brawl in the middle of the exam. 
  35.If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of.
     Get PI and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to
     your own life story. 
  36.Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield. 
  37.Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person
     is needed, because you have bad circulation. 
  38.Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes
     for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and
     staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attache d notes for references as
     you see fit." 
  39.When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip. 
  40.After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try
     to work it out of him/her. 
  41.One word: Wrestlemania. 
  42.Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start. 
  43.Try to get people in the room to do the wave. 
  44.Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room. 
  45.Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a
     small sacrifice. 
  46.Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes
     throughout the exam. 
  47.During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach. 
  48.Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle. 
  49.Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps
     me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find
     the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so". 
  50.Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks" 
up and at em
fuck over the store

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at
strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

3.5. turn off 1 tv on the tv wall

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in. 5. Contaminate
the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially in thin narrow

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3
in Housewares," and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc.
See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to
hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?"

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to
do this until they leave the department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say,
"Wow. Magic!"

20. Put M&M's on layaway.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they
bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman.
Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people
just leave me alone?"

30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling,
"Red Rover!"

31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in
stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs.
the X-Men.

33. Take bets on the battle described above.

34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

35.While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows
where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: "Marco Polo."

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.

46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off
with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position
and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Dray a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a
food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a
little umbrella in it. 

cars vs women
First off, I am a feminist; I believe in equal rights, I’ve done the marches, been to a rally, enjoy the company of women and generally treat the opposite sex as my equal. One day I was having a cliché "guy" conversation about women and cars. The discussion brought on the question: which one of these is better? At first, I answered without much thought. My immidiate response was the most obvious to me at the time. After all, a woman is great because you can share a special kind of bond with her, right? I then thought long and hard, about the cons and pros of both. A woman is beautiful. My opinion shifted. A car can be beautiful too. Upon further thought, I decided that there are very few things that a woman can do that a car can’t. Cars can travel at speeds in excess of 100mph. Females cannot. Cars can be "turned on" with the rotation of a key. Women take a lot more effort. Cars do not require tampons, bras or makeup. A lady does. Often you will find a car with its top down. I only wish the same was true with women. I regarded the matter more in-depth . Women can participate in sports, though woman-only sports are usually about as exciting as watching paint peel. Auto- racing is its own sport. Granted, auto-racing isn’t any better. Women stereotypically have bad senses of direction. Some cars now have built in compasses. Women experience PMS once every 28 days or so. As far as I know, there is no automotive equivalent. In fact the only fault of a car that I could find is the price. Women are however expensive also, so this shortcoming is nullified. That day, I came to a conclusion. That if I were not human, cars would be better than females. Cars will not fight with you and will never leave you for a better driver. It is however these things that people love about each other. Its the way that we treat or choose not to treat one another. We know that a car will not get upset at us, so we do not try to please our cars. Humans are different. We try to suit one another. It is the thrill of keeping another person fulfilled that makes love so appealing. This is why women truly are better than cars.