So it turns out I was right all along. He was just trying to spare my feelings. I
know this because when I asked him why we couldn’t be together, he said it wasn’t about not being able to; he
said it was about not wanting to.
It’s always easier to let go when
they want nothing to do with you anymore.
People will always tell you it will get
better. It’s like this, really shitty speech everyone feels compelled to give you when you’ve been hurt. But that’s exactly what it is. A
speech. Although it might eventually be okay, it isn’t right now. Why is it so bad to feel bad, in a situation that isn’t good at all?
The reality of the situation is that there
isn’t anything left. He got everything from me. How can someone expect to move on, when there is no love left inside of them? It’s over, and finished,
and somehow I have to learn to live with that.
For months it was all about trying to make
him want you again. It was about making him want to chase you, even though you
not-so-secretly knew that was something he would never do. But then he turned
around on you and did something you never thought would ever be done to you. He
took the bait. He took it, and he shattered it.
He said things that would make you smile, only to deny ever saying them. Nothing
he does should matter anymore, but it does. And it probably always will.
Every other girl will always be prettier
than you, and more important than you, to him. You can dress yourself up in high
heels, short skirts, and all the makeup in the world, but you can never make him see you, as the girl who isn’t trying
to get his attention.
You keep getting into these “almost
relationships”. Like that actually means something. You try so hard to just forget about him and move on with your life, but we all know that will never happen.
With one last shot, and one last tear,
the answer was still no.
Did you ever have a doubt in your mind
that he didn’t love you?
Maybe I was holding out for something better,
but deep down, all I wanted was for him to realize that he felt the same way.
He pretends not to notice her tears, because
he doesn’t want to wipe them away.
There used to be a meaning to all this
crap we put each other through. In the end, we used to have each other to pick
the other one up. But now, we’re both alone, but only one of us is lonely.
Your heart plays tricks on you, without
you ever figuring it out.
I have hope that someday the right person
will come along. But what happens if they already did, but they were too blind,
or too stupid to realize it, and they threw it away? Do you lose out because your moronic soul mate was too busy starring
at someone else’s tits to notice?
I just wanted to be his, and he just wanted
to be anything but mine.
The genius of it all is that we wasted
years of our lives trying to impress people who weren’t there for us at the end.
Butterscotch and butterflies. Why can’t life be as sweet and as free as that?
I kept trying to change who I was, because
I hated myself. For any reason you could think of. I hated that I fell in love with you, I hated that I was stupid enough to think you loved me, mostly, I
just wanted to be something completely different after you walked out on me.
When you get into these relationships,
you make all these promises you know you could never ever keep if your life depended on it.
But you make them anyways, because you know the other person wants to hear it, and you feel guilty, and you feel bad
because you knew the whole time that they were only lies.
Happily ever after is just a phrase they
use in movies. It isn’t real.
It’s hard to be strong when you are
trying so hard to get through the day without dying.
Blood on your hands, and my heart on your
sleeve.
The only way to temporarily make me numb
to you is to keep on drinking all night long, until I can no longer feel anything.
The look I saw in your eyes that night,
it make me question your integrity, it made me question how you felt, and how you still feel.
It is so painful when you realize that
all the important people in your life don’t feel that you are important in theirs.
…So when she reached the golden gates
in the sky and asked why did she die, she was answered, “My child, you did not die, you have merely begun to live”…
There is always something else you can
lose, when you thought you’d lost it all.
You were always warned about them, the
“bad” crowd. Your parents wanted you to stay away from them, your
teachers looked down on them, but now, you are one of them.
You don’t realize just how easy it
is to walk out on someone until they’ve done something that makes you do just that.
History always repeats itself. Everyone knows what they are doing is stupid, they’ve done it before.
But they still do it, over and over again, until the heart within them gets ripped out at the seems.
It got to the point where just being in
his presence made me seem like a better person. That’s just one of the
reasons I love him.
The only real way to be happy is to keep
on moving. Because the second you stop, everything catches up with you and you
start to see all the bad things.
When you wake up one day and realize you
are truly alive for the first time, there is no greater feeling.