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They OWN Me
Written on: September 6, 2007
My heart has been broken many times.
My body used in the most abominal ways without consent
Bruises and physical signs of my loses were once visible to all.
My emotions and mentality have been mangled, torn to shreds.
I'm just a pile of worthless pieces that have been used and broken so much that no longer
holds value.
I walk among reality in this broken, tangled, painful, mangled void of a body!
My loses cannot be forgotten, their traces can never be hidden, THEY OWN ME!
THEY OWN ME!
My Path
Written on: August 31, 2007
The sadness is engulfing me
The walls are closing in on me
Sadness, hurt, and anger permeating the air around me
Choking me with their intensity until I'm on my knees
No sounds to be heard other than my cries
As the pain seeps into my veins bursting through my skin,
Tears of blood run all over me
I'm on an never-ending path
Just me alone, loneliness as my friend in this dark and
desolite place.
No light is ever seen, no happiness left.
All there is, is the dark path in front of me with walls that
close in on me.
And pain and sadness in the air engulfing my very being.
Chains of Bondage
Written on: October 13, 2006
Dark, suffocating darkness, no light
Despairing place with no way out
Chained to a wall inside this putrid
place
No hope of happiness coming soon.
So lonely, so very lonely
A body lies beside, but it’s cold
This person is cold, cold of heart
No emotions presents
No comfort, no support, no encouraging
words
Only radiating hatred, to keep you where
you are.
So lonely, so very lonely.
Chained to this place with a cold person
A person you once knew
A person you once loved
A person you once called your love.
A person who no longer loves you
A person who no longer cares for you.
A person whose main goal is to keep you
in this dark place.
So lonely, so very lonely
Dark, so very dark
Chained to the bondage of a Love who
does not love you.
Why?
A Heart Tells Tales
Written on: March 1, 2005
A shattered heart tells many tales of times that a loved
one has broken it.
Many stories of painful moments that have left a heart
torn into pieces and never whole.
The gashes grow bigger with each moment it cannot
undo or force itself to forget.
A heart never forgets or trully heals it only mends
temporarily until another tale is born.
Dying Heart
Written on: March 1, 2005
Excruciating heartache pounding on my chest to free
itself of captivity.
Wanting so much to make the person it loves trully
happy.
Those tales of the broken heart are not forgotten.
Heart is kept in captivity to be guarded and watched.
To never go through a similar tale again.
Yet heat hurts because it's love is forcing it to forget.
Therefore, the blood is falling with no signs of stopping.
The pools of it filling the captivity drowning the heart.
Heart wants to make the love happy but at what price is
it willing to risk it or the love willing to risk it's well-
being?
How far will they both go?
The answer is until one no longer exists like before.
Why? Nothing
Written on: March 1, 2005
Cries of loved ones filling the air.
The tears causing rivers of pain.
Hearts shattering into a million pieces over and over.
A longing for this insufferable agony to end but at the
hands of whom?
Whom will relieve this strife?
Nothing can console those loved ones.
Nothing can stop their tears.
Nothing can stop their hearts from shattering.
Nothing can be done.
How painful it is to say that and realize it for the truth
of reality it is.
Wanting and wishing to take all this pain into you and
relieve the ones you love.
Why can I not do that?
Why do those I love must suffer greatly when someone
is willing to bear it all and save them the agony.
Why can nothing be done?
WHY? WHY? WHY?
Why is the answer always NOTHING.
The Dark Place
Written on: March 1, 2005
Cold crisp air filling a dark insufferable room.
This room being more of a prison or coffin in whatever
perspective you wanna take it.
The doors keeping all hope out as well as anything ever
positive from entering these four walls.
The shades pulled down for no light will enter or be
welcomed in.
All who enter see this dark, suffering and hopeless
place, yet it is home to many at some time.
A place of solidarity and hopelessness.
But a place comforted by the cold walls that close them
in.
This is their world, their home for they are locked into it.
Once you have visited this place, leaving requires great
strength.
It is a frightfully lonely place.
But for those who enter, loneliness is already a part of
who they are.
The time is dull and passes rather slow.
Sleep is an endless hobby for many.
The endless dreams of what may never come brings
more defeat into this world.
A world that welcomes all those like them; who sees the
outside as a hurtful place.
Dreams that may never come true and love that falls
apart.
Many here seek refuge from the pain, wanting time to
past hastily so that their "Maker" will soon be met.
The "Maker" , that hopefully, will be the only sign of
hope and happiness they will ever experience.
The "Maker", who enters this dark and lowly place,
slipping in through the shadows of this despair.
Some say this world is not for them and I pray it may
never be.
For all that enter this place are damned to never feel all
that is good outside or have the desire to.
Some pull themselves out of this place but many die
within these walls fearful, hurting and lonely.
Again, I pray that you never need see this world which I
am a regular visitor in.
Those Words Held Back
Written in: 2004
You say you don't love me but that you just care about
me.
Why are you holding back from loving me and why don't
or can't you love me?
Is it because you are too afraid of what love means?
Are you afraid of the word, love?
Love shouldn't be something that's feared.
Love shouldn't be over thought, it should be felt.
People change but some qualities remain.
Even with the change they are still the same.
A part of them remains and should be loved the same
way.
Life is change and you change with it or die in it.
Love is a hope to survive.
Love is a desire to live.
Love remains the sole hope to keep those qualities in a
person most cherished and admired.
Ending the Pain
Hurting so much that I cannot hide it any longer and a
river of tears flow down my cheeks to my pillow.
Crying until I cannot anymore.
Words the invisible knife that goes deeper with each
word spoken until it makes it through.
Words that then make a knife slice downward more each
time with it’s painful intention.
In the end, what is left is a broken heart, sitting inside
depressed crying in pain.
My mind can’t stand the heart this way.
Thoughts fluttering in of the possible solutions all no
good to be thought; let alone acted upon.
My heart feels so weak it can’t go on; there is no hope
or support.
Time to end it, my heart can’t take any more and either
can I.
Hands shaking as they accept the mind’s command.
Taking slowly a few pills at a time, in the palm of my
hand and taking them to my mouth.
After that slowly taking a knife and slicing my will to
live.
Sitting in the corner in the fetal position, my face to the
wall and my back to the rest of it all.
Silently awaiting my fate as the blood trickles all over and my blurred vision sets in.
Could this be the end?
Oh please let it be!!
I can take no more.
Set me free of this life and bring my heart to the joyful
beats it once had.
Bring me to the place of ecstasy and harmony so that for
once I may be happy.
I cannot and will not take this pain and guilt anymore.
A Deep Pain
Through my life many people have come and gone.
When they go, they leave my in a horrible state.
Tears flowing down my face.
Mind filled with memories
And a broken heart
I only hope is one day my heart will heal for good.
A Cheater's Effects
You were always a popular guy especially with the
ladies.
From all the girls you had to choose from you chose me.
The girls were talking about how lucky I was to have
you.
They all called you the "perfect" guy
As time past we grew further apart, because you wanted
something I didn’t want to give.
You decided to go behind my back and date another girl
who could and would give you what you wanted.
It broke my heart when I saw you two together.
I cried for weeks and my mind was filled with horrible
sight I saw
You were the jerk and even to others in your past.
Everyone called you the "perfect" guy, yeah right, they’re
wrong!
Well time has past and I have gotten over the whole
thing.
One thing, I’ll remember is there is no perfect guy but
the one you love for what’s inside.
Tangled Emotions
Written in: 2001
Red vision beaming through my eyes.
My emotions terribly in a tangle, full of confusion.
Words like daggers, preying on the weakness as to sting
where it hurts the most, the heart.
Why am I doing this?
Feeling that bottled emotions are finally being released.
But released all at once, too strongly and too painfully
for all.
Please go away, I don't want to hurt others, I want to
be my sweet self.
Emotions please clear up and untangle soon!
Before I hurt those I love more and they leave me.
*Untitled*
Written in 2001
Once again in my life I’ve become heartbroken.
As you spoke those words I long hated, my heart silently
and slowly broke.
Tears of anger and pain flowed down my face, like a
waterfall of blood.
My mind so cluttered with past memories and this
untimely event.
All my mind was focused on was the whys of all this and
us.
I loved you so much, how can I go on?
The thought of ending all this pain, I feel so strong.
I could get back at you and kill my pain
But why me?
Why do I get hurt all the time?
Your so insensitive with your "I don’t care" attitude,
trying to "help me" as you said.
You can’t believe how much I hated you at that moment.
My friends all comforted me while you kept making
things worse.
Words can't show how bad you hurt me
and how you
killed a major
part of who I am!
I have to go on, get back at you by being
good and not
hurt.
You'll see one day you'll regret hurting
me.
*Untitled*
Written on: July 29, 2001
You always were there for me even when I didn't need
you.
You brought me happiness as well as sadness.
Sadness at your uncontrollable behavior with me
Me, who you said you loved.
Loved so much that you want to marry me and always be
there.
There to make me happy.
Happy as one.
One true couple able to make it in this world.
World full of things that don't work out.
Out of the ordinary always happening.
Happening that I'm sorry I said no to you so many
times.
Times that were wrong or romantic.
Romantic your middle name.
Your name permeating my head always.
Always regretting the NOs I said, but never the
friendship we have.
Have always been friends and always will.
For the will of love of friends is stronger than any other.
You always been a great friend to me, being there
always.
Always lending a helping hand.
Friend who I've loved and cherished since so long ago
and always there.
There beside me in hard decisions.
Decisions that marked my future.
My future that includes you there as my friend and never
letting go.
Never letting go of me but you did that and it hurt.
Hurt like you stabbing my heart and putting it into two.
Two pieces never to be combined until your return home.
Home close to me.
Me, who loves you and will help you.
You will always be a friend in my heart.
Lose
Written in: 2000-2001
Waking up each morning, already with the anxiety of
this new day.
Long, bored, much to do day, heart pounding hard.
Childhood and teenage years, "the college life"
unexistant or slowly slipping away.
A big hole in my heart and soul where something lies
missing.
Head pounding from all the things that occured in all
these long, hard boring days.
Once home, relief hits but then fastly comes back to
being non-existant.
Heart once happy for a but falls into a pit of despair.
More work to do for tomorrow and so little time to do it
in; let alone have time to relax or whatever my heart
desires.
Slowly giving up on being happy and growing older in
maturity as a cause of it.
You might have friends and a love in your life but the
heart becomes depressed on how much you get to be
with them.
No time to really work to pay for the major cause of
anxiety.
No time to relax with friends and enjoy life.
It all disappears so rapidly and as it's disappearing your
heart dulls and becomes depressed.
Growing up too fast with all work and hardly any play.
People say, "you'll regret not living it up later."
Guess what, I feel that way now and always have.
I guess it's a steep price to pay for a future in life.
*Untitled*
Written in: March 2000
Your words so piercing to my heart.
Saying that you want us to split apart.
All eyes full of painful tears.
Coming out of us all those unwanted fears.
Vision blurred, mind so blank.
My heart filled with love just sank.
You held me tightly to you.
Not knowing what to do.
I love you, I wish it had not had to be this way.
I wish I knew the perfect words to say.
I can't help this pain, it hurts so bad.
Everywhere, everytime I feel so sad.
This depressed feeling.
Which I wish would start healing.
My mind now clouded in thoughts so deep.
That just makes me begin to weep.
Why can't everything be like a bliss?
Why does this hurt like this?
Will my heart mend?
Will I ever again my love send?
Am I as hopeless at love as in success?
Will I ever learn this way was the best?
Please heart heal.
Learn to feel.
Feel the love I once had.
Learn to be once again glad.
Move on try not to look back.
Learn to live with everything I lack.
I did not yet lose the one I care for.
So why, is my heart feeling sore?
Shouldn't I be happy that he is still with me?
I guess for now, I will just let things be.
Scarred
Alas the pain of the heart
So deep like a knife cutting
It's dividing my heart into two
Such a sweet bliss that brought this pain
Mind in another place
Thinking, wondering was it worth it?
The heart confused at the answer
Eyes filled with burning tears
They run across my face
Touching my cheeks than touching my pillow
The red eyed monster sneaking up upon me
Crying harder, my voice speechless
No words to describe the feeling
No words could touch upon the full feeling
Nothing can explain it, only time alone can heal the
pain.
Heartache
The pain in my heart is so huge.
It was given to me by the "perfect" true love.
This pain I don't want to show.
It will last until someone else comes and heals it
temporarily again.
Broken Heart No More
Written on: May 15, 1998
I thought I trully loved you but I was wrong.
You left me for another because you said you were in
love.
You gave me such a heartache and left me in tears.
I'll never forget the pain that I felt.
Because of you I've gotten stronger.
You always used to say, I'd never amount to anything or
ever get another guy when you left.
Well, I've gotten over you and the pain you gave me.
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