Lauren Needs A Man

Al Mead Rocks My Face

This girl needs your help. Try as she might, she is just too damn picky to find a man. We need your help fella's. Below is my guide to scoring a date with this girl, without being forced to sit through a casting interview with Aiesha Tyler and her oh so sharp wit [peverbial wink of sarcasm to indicate that i really don't think A. Tyler has any sort of talent whatsoever]. So, without further adieu . . .

Things that will NOT score you a date with Lauren . . .

retarded you: "Did it hurt"
Befuddled Lauren: "Did what hurt?"
you being a tard:"When you fell from heaven."

you (hopefully drunk): "Is that a keg in your pants?"
an unamused Lauren: "Don't say it dumbass, I've heard this a million times."
you (oblivious to lauren's cries of pain): "Cuz I'd like to tap that ass!!! Bouya! [high Fives local drunk]"

you (you sexy cat you): "if i could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'u' and 'i' together."
The "Ever-so-witty" lauren: "Loser says what?"
you, ruining the joke: "huh?"
Lauren The "Master of all jokes Mike Myers": "loser says what?"
you, getting shutdown: "what"
Everyone in Unison: "HA"

you: "I choo-choo-choo choooose you!"
Lauren: [speechless]

Examples of People Lauren Wouldn't Date