Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
A nurse from england was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. this young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing. it was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery. when she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading: "keep off the grass." after the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said: "sorry, had to mow the lawn.
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of the shredder with a piece of paper in hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper and pressed the button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole, he would dig, dig, dig, the other would come behind him and fill the hole, fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously. One digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.
He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
Fishing Equipment
A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read.
One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that morning and took a nap.
While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book.
Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing? She says, "Reading my book."
The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing. To which he replied, "But you have all this equipment.
I will have to take you in and write you up!"
Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, "If you do that, I will charge you with rape."
The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't even touch you."
To which the lady replied, "Yes; but you have all the equipment!"
There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink.
He didn't move for a half-an-hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him, took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down.
The poor man started crying. The truck driver turned and said: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss became outraged and then fired me.
When I left the building to my car, I found out that it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I then got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab.
I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home depressed and came to this bar. And now, when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, YOU show up and drink my poison ..."
A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.
WHAT AM I????
THIS USEFUL TOOL, COMMONLY FOUND IN THE RANGE OF 8 INCHES LONG.
THE FUNCTIONING OF WHICH IS ENJOYED BY MEMBERS OF BOTH SEXES. IS
USUALLY FOUND HUNG, DANGLING LOOSELY, READY FOR INSTANT ACTION.
IT BOASTS OF A CLUMP OF LITTLE HAIRY THINGS AT ONE END AND SMALL
HOLE AT THE OTHER. IN USE, IT IS INSERTED, ALMOST ALWAYS
WILLINGLY, SOMETIMES SLOWLY, SOMETIMES QUICKLY, INTO A WARM,
FLESHY, MOIST OPENING WHERE IT IS THRUST IN AND DRAWN OUT AGAIN
AND AGAIN MANY TIMES IN SUCCESSION, OFTEN QUICKLY AND
ACCOMPANIED BY SQUIRMING BODILY MOVEMENTS. ANYONE FOUND
LISTENING IN WILL MOST SURELY RECOGNIZE THE RHYTHMIC, PULSING
SOUND, RESULTING FROM THE WELL LUBRICATED MOVEMENTS. WHEN FINALLY WITHDRAWN, IT LEAVES BEHIND A JUICY, FROTHY, STICKY WHITE
SUBSTANCE, SOME OF WHICH WILL NEED CLEANING FROM THE OUTER
SURFACES OF THE OPENING AND SOME OF FROM ITS LONG GLISTENING
SHAFT. AFTER EVERYTHING IS DONE AND THE FLOWING AND CLEANSING
LIQUIDS HAVE CEASED EMENATING, IT IS RETURNED TO ITS FREELY
HANGING STATE OF REST, READY FOR YET ANOTHER BIT OF ACTION,
HOPEFULLY REACHING ITS BRISTLING CLIMAX TWICE OR THREE TIMES A
DAY, BUT OFTEN MUCH LESS.
WHAT AM I???????
AS YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY GUESSED, THE ANSWER TO THE RIDDLE IS
NONE OTHER THAN YOUR VERY OWN..........
.....TOOTHBRUSH.........
what were you thinking?
You PERVERT!
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