#48 RAISING ETHICAL, WHOLESOME CHILDREN

Bismillah: in the name of Allah the Most Merciful

The concept of childhood innocence, innate goodness and ability to recognise the Creator
is captured in the Islamic concept of fitrah, or the “natural way.” The primary of objective of Islamic education is the preservation of that fitrah by nurturing balanced, wholesome, principled human beings who exemplify good conduct in dealing with others. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has taught that all children are born with the fitrah, but their parents can socialise them away from this innate wholesomeness. What then would the primary tasks of parenthood be in the early years?

Our first task is to bond them to God. The first words a Muslim child hears, snuggled close to her parent, and whispered into her ears are the words “God is the Greatest. God is the Greatest. I bear testimony that there is none worthy of worship besides Him …” Later on, they learn to be mindful of God: in the simple prayers that they learn as soon as they can speak, they learn to remember God before and after they eat, on sleeping and awakening, of entering and leaving the home. When asked how they are, they are taught to reply: “God be praised.” Being mindful of God means knowing He is ever watching, even when the parents are not; all actions good and bad are recorded and will be held to account. Hence our job as parents is to instill in our children a sense of accountability, balanced with the trust that God is Merciful and accepting of sincere regret and repentance.

Second, we need to inspire them with appropriate role models. In the early years, children learn by imitating the behaviour and values that are modelled to them. Our history abounds with examples of those who earned God’s pleasure through patience, principles, good conduct and their unflinching belief in God. Think of Prophet Yusuf (Joseph)’s trials at every stage of his life, facing jealousy, greed, exile, slavery, false accusation
– and his ability to overcome through patience, conduct and steadfast faith in God. Can there be a better role model when our children too face trials? Familiarization is the key ingredient to love, and imitation is the sincerest form of praise. We need to familiarize them with appropriate role models to follow, or we risk losing them to the many negative role models presented by our media culture.

Third, we need to protect and preserve their fitrah from harm. The fitrah can be mutilated if the child is socialised away from their wholesomeness. Satisfying every desire of the child mutilates their fitrah as it instills in them the belief that happiness is a commodity that can be bought, and gives them a false sense of entitlement to constant pleasure and changing stimuli. And it simply builds a hunger for more and more … We mutilate their fitrah when we expose them to adult concepts long before they are physically and spiritually prepared to handle them. Our age of information at the press of a button has created a culture of exposure on a scale unprecedented in history: what will be the price we have to pay?

Fourth, we need to do our own spiritual spring cleaning. How often do our words contradict our actions, and our behaviour contradict the character traits we wish them to learn? Our own inconsistencies set the platform for rebellion later on. Raising ethical children calls for a commitment on our own part to live principled lives.

Finally, let them know they are loved. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) hugged and kissed his children and grandchildren, even his adult daughters. Trust in God. And pray: “Oh our Lord, grant for us, from our spouses and our children, such that will be the coolness of our eyes.”