#49 Play with your children

“Play with your children for seven years, teach them for seven years, befriend them for seven years, and then cut the reins."

This quotation is often mentioned in relation to child-rearing, as it provides a simple, yet profound overview of the Islamic concept of childhood education.

The first phase, following early infancy, is the age of “play”. This concept of play, however, is neither providing “entertainment”, nor trying to accelerate the child’s academic progress through specialized “educational” games. Rather, play is an occasion for children to learn what they absorb from the adult world, restated and relived at the child’s own level of comprehension.

One the most vital contributions of parents, during this and all stages, is to actually live the values they wish to teach, as well as to provide a stable environment that reflects these values.

Children between the ages of 1–‎7 learn mainly by example and through imitation. Although efforts made by parents to discuss challenging issues are commendable, intellectual discussions do not replace the greater need for consistent, healthy role models and stable moral environments. Role models and environment affect the child’s perceptions on a more fundamental level than rational discourse, a faculty that develops at a later stage. Rather, role models and environmental examples are absorbed directly into the child’s consciousness and become the building blocks for character development.

The fundamentals of polite behaviour and self-control are established during this early phase, yet these skills are built over time, through repeated examples and patience. Likewise, the basics of future learning skills are also established, particularly through listening and observing. Yet these skills and behaviours are best developed though observation, normal life and “play”, without psychological pressure, undue disciplinary harshness, or the over-involvement of parents who “micro-manage” their children.

Children need to learn tolerance and respect for diversity. However, the spiritual truth that genuine goodness can come in an infinite variety of forms and contexts is not gained by exposing young children to contradictory and inconsistently applied moral values. This latter situation is more likely to result in spiritual confusion.

The ability to sense the sustaining presence of God is natural to children. To admire the wonder of His creation is embedded in the spirit of the young. To grasp the fundamental spiritual truth that goodness purifies and makes the soul full of love, and self-centeredness and corruption spoil the soul, is easily within the vision of children. To nurture this God-given awareness and make this the basis of the child’s character, and to protect the child from the many sources that will disintegrate and/or dull this natural awareness, is an essential responsibility of parents as educators, particularly mothers.

Although many parents are now finding it necessary to delegate these early educational roles to institutions and outside care-givers, this situation is seldom viewed as desirable in terms of Islamic character formation.

From an Islamic perspective, it is a surer start in life and a stronger foundation for authentic education for the child to spend the first seven years within an Islamic home. For it is in such a home that the flow of life is determined by the natural cycles of daily prayers and essential needs; where daily religious observances provide continuous reminders of the need to strive for spiritual qualities; where parental guidance and kindness are consistent supports; where the needs of the young and respect for the elderly are part of life; and where awareness of God is the most essential feature of the curriculum.