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By starving emotions we
become humorless, rigid and stereotyped; by repressing them we become literal,
reformatory and holier-than-thou; encouraged, they perfume life; discouraged,
they poison it.
Joseph Collins
Emotions are a response that is characterized by the
generation of energy within the body and psyche.
 | The value of emotions.
 | Emotions provide energy for us to confront challenges. The energy is given
to us for the specific purpose of gearing us up for action, such as fighting,
or defending ourselves verbally, or interacting enthusiastically with another
person, or running away, or working on a project. Some of this energy is
provided physiologically through the release of adrenaline and other
substances in the body. |
| Emotions help us to communicate. They add force, depth, texture, and
greater meaning to whatever we are saying. |
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| There are no negative emotions. None of our emotions are bad. When
emotions are understood and used for their intended creative purposes, they all
have a potential to be constructive. In any event, our judgment of a given
emotion as positive or negative is subjective, depending on the circumstance and
the consequence, and even the culture in which it is expressed. Two of our
emotions, anger and fear, are often considered negative because:
| They are usually expressed in ways that are disruptive. Anger often
results in arguments, fights, and other conflicts. However, the disruptions
occur not because the emotions are inherently sinister but because we have
not learned to manage them properly. |
| They are frequently repressed. They damage our psychological health.
The harm occurs because we have not learned how to use the emotions. |
| We feel them physically. They cause a turbulence that tends to block
out other contributors to our decision making processes, our rational
thinking, our intuition, our common sense, our focus on the problem itself,
instead of the turbulence. This is perhaps what former U.S. President
Franklin Roosevelt implied when he said that "We have nothing to fear
but fear itself". |
| They are labeled negatively by our ego. This forces us to question
our, goals, our values, and our self concept. We can become angry or fearful
about circumstances that are not truly dangerous to our well-being but seem
to be so only because our ego is poorly defined. We become upset about
something instead of choosing to see the emotions energy and demands as an
exciting call to a life of vigor exploration and growth. |
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Techniques for managing emotions.
| Design-work.
| Affirmation. "I enjoy expressing emotions." "I accept
my emotions." "I can express emotions in a manner that is
suitable". |
| Directed Imagination. We can visualize ourselves responding with
appropriate emotions. In our imagination, we see ourselves enjoying the
emotional expression. |
| Modeling. We can act as if we are comfortable in the expression of
emotions. |
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| Intuition. Intuition can give information that helps us to resolve the
situation to which the emotions are responding. |
| Acceptance. Accepting our emotions is simply accepting reality. They
exist. Only if we acknowledge their reality can we see them clearly enough to
understand their purpose, consciously assist in their expression to fulfill
their purpose, and examine the associated thoughts that are amplifying or
repressing the emotion. Acceptance does not mean that we must express an
emotion. We can suppress it, acknowledging that it is there, but choosing not to
reveal it, because of our regard for social protocol. Suppression is different
from repression. In repression, we deny that the emotion exists. From this calm,
neutral viewpoint of acceptance, we are more effective in using the emotions
productively. Repression blocks the energy of the emotions, and it causes a
psychological numbness that impairs our ability to be aware of the emotions. |
| We can be more aware of our natural emotional responses. Instead of
repressing, we can be alert and accepting during the moments when we detect even
a slight amount of fear, sadness, anger, happiness, or another emotion or
default, "I am happy to have this beautiful couch" or "That messy
room depresses me.". |
| We can notice the responses of other people. In our everyday life, we
know people who are emotionally flat. They give information, but there is only a
small emotional charge. However, many people put a distinct emotional charge
into virtually everything that they say or do. These people are animated and
lively, and they "have personality." We can study this powerful
emotional quality when we watch professional actors. In every word and action,
they consciously impart a distinct emotional expression. We can notice also the
variations and nuances of emotional expression. At a wedding, each person
displays happiness in a different way, with smiles, or bright eyed
attentiveness, or even crying. |
| We can experience the pure emotion. When we accept our emotions, we are
more likely to experience them in their pure form. When we interfere with our
emotions denying their existence or their intensity or their direction they
become distorted, unfocused, and complicated. They become secondary emotions in
contrast to primary emotions. Anger becomes annoyance or hostility or rage. Fear
becomes anxiety. When an emotion has been downgraded to secondary status, we
cannot directly manage our inner predicament. Anxiety is usually a vague
sensation with no clearly discernible cause whereas fear is a response to a
specific situation that can be confronted head on and be resolved. |
| We can think or say a phrase that expresses each emotion.
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| We can practice evoking emotions. We can evoke emotion by reading a book,
or doing an improvised monologue, or reciting a memorized passage, or singing,
or repeating the chatter of a radio DJ. During this exercise, we can watch
ourselves in the mirror, as we practice using gestures and facial expressions
that correspond to the emotions. We can exaggerate the expressions during this
rehearsal. |
| We can achieve a balance between the emotions and the intellect. The
natural state between the intellect and emotions is one of cooperation. They
each need the other for the survival and success of the person. The intellect
and emotions battle one another only when our mental perspectives misunderstand
the purpose of the emotions and therefore repress them, or when we overvalue our
emotions and we give free reign to them at the expense of the caution,
precision, and worldly management that would be assessed by the intellect as in
a poorly defined ego. |
| We can notice the ways in which our emotional expression is influenced by our
thoughts. The intellect can help to devise ways to resolve an emotionally
upsetting conflict. Sometimes however, the intellect can cause an escalation if
we interpret the situation to be significant and threatening whereas a different
interpretation would not view it in that way. We can become angry if we look at
the problem as a threat to our dignity, but we can just as easily look at the
problem as an interesting challenge, or as a humorous circumstance. In any
situation, there is a basic emotion, and we are telling ourselves particular
things that amplify or diminish that emotion. We can manage our emotions by
selecting a perspective that is less likely to inflame them. We can ask
ourselves, "How can I view this situation in a way that doesn't upset
me?". We are always free to choose our viewpoint, regardless of other
people's viewpoints, or our viewpoint in previous similar situations. For that
reason, there is only a partial truth in the statement, "He made me
angry". His intrusion may have triggered a natural defensive anger, but it
was our perspective from our present situation or from a related design that
amplified the anger from a simple emotion into a disruptive crisis. |
| We can gradually increase our capacity for emotional expression. We are
learning to become expert managers of our emotions, but we require time and
practice in order to adjust to this greater activity and energy. If we are not
accustomed to releasing our emotions, we need to proceed slowly and carefully so
that we will not become over stimulated. |
| We can refrain from identifying ourselves with our emotions. Our emotions
come from us, but they are not us. We can identify patterns in their occurrence.
Perhaps we tend to express anger frequently. We do not have to judge these
patterns or let them affect our self image. Jealousy does not imply that we are
wicked, nor does happiness attest to our virtue. If we identify ourselves with a
socially unacceptable emotion, we damage our self image and our self esteem, and
we unfairly punish ourselves with unwarranted guilt. If we do take these
additional steps that compound our pain with self inflicted suffering, our
unfortunate course can be to stop the suffering by repressing our awareness of
the emotion that precipitated it, and to try to stifle the emotion itself,
causing further psychological injury. |
| We can observe the occasions when we seek emotional stimulation. We
sometimes stir ourselves up emotionally to feel the thrill and the adrenaline.
That is one reason for the popularity of horror movies, roller coasters, soap
operas, spectator sports, and the fighting among kids when they are confined
inside on a rainy day. If we are being excessively emotional, perhaps we need to
find other ways to stimulate ourselves, such as exercising, or traveling, or
playing sports, or seeking vibrant social activities. |
| We can let our emotions come and go. During our lifetime, we experience
many emotions. An emotion passes through us, and then a different emotion comes.
The transient nature of emotions allows an impartiality: "Now I'm feeling
anger.". Sometimes we impose damning judgments such as "I shouldn't
feel anger" ,"
I feel angry too often" or "
I shouldn't be angry at that person". Those verdicts make the emotion
linger, long after the original situation has passed. Emotions run a natural
course when they ceases the energy dissipates. If we permit the emotion to arise
and then fade in its own cycle, we heal and re-balance at our own pace, and we
retain our psychological health and dignity. This detachment allows a
transcendental view from which we can more easily see and examine the emotion's
cause, our management of it, and ways in which we can direct it more effectively
next time. In contrast, if we resist the emotion by giving it more energy, we
create repression and design elements that will perpetuate and re-trigger the
emotion indefinitely. |
Next topic: Grief
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