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He that undervalues himself
will undervalue others, and he that undervalues others will oppress
them.
Johnson
Self image is who we think we are. It is our self concept. The
self image is the collection of traits that we recognize in the ego and our
designs. We can recognize ourselves as patient, bold, handsome, funny, talented,
or successful.
 The self image is one of the mind's defaults. When we are guided
by intuition, we recognize the uniqueness of each situation, and so we respond
to those dynamics. Sometimes we are not aware of our intuition, and so the mind
automatically reverts to various defaults to gain information by which it can
plan a course of action. The mind looks at the self image to discern, "Who
am I, and how would that type of person respond in this situation?" Then,
if our self image says that we are honest, our automatic response will tend to
be characterized by honesty.
 | A well constructed self image is an accurate presentation of our
capabilities. It provides a reliable guide as to our potential for
success in endeavors that require those capabilities. We may have an image
of ourselves as a manager and we truly have the skills to back up that
image, in contrast, a faulty self image can claim that we are skilled even
though we are not, and so we enter situations that require superior skills,
and we fail. |
| A well constructed self image is inclusive. It allows us to be and do
whatever is necessary. In contrast, if our self image is restricted, we are
restricted. If the self image says that we are timid, we will be less able
to call on our capacity for courage when a circumstance requires courage. If
our self image is inclusive, we acknowledge that we tend to be timid, but
that we contain all opposites in our potential including courage. Instead of
limiting ourselves to one side of a duality, we can have a self image that
permits both sides. We can say that we are flexible, creative, adaptive,
spontaneous, and intuitive allowing ourselves to go toward either duality in
any situation. There are times when we need to be non-flexible. There are
occasions when we need to be flexible, and there are occasions when we need
to be determined. Our self image, is a default , our goal is to be aware of
our true self and use our intuition, to transcend this default. |
| A well constructed self image grants consistency. |
| A well constructed self image allows us to have self esteem. Self
esteem is based on our opinion and feeling toward our self image. If we
create a self image that we deem worthy of approval, we have self esteem. |
| A well constructed self image allows us to love ourselves. We have
created a loveable image that permits the flow of life energy through us. |
| We develop our self image by identifying particular traits as us.
 | Observations of ourselves.
When we see ourselves being angry, we can
conclude, "I am a angry person.". When we are young, we build our
self image by identifying with role models, heroes, parents, and other
people whom we want to emulate. With higher awareness, we see our innate
qualities, and we discard some of the ones that we have no use for. |
| Observations of people's response to us. Part of our self image
pertains to our place in society. Does our self image say that we are
attractive, friendly, and popular? This may seem to depend on the responses
we have received from our parents, friends, and other people. It truly
depends on our interpretation of those responses. If our parents abused us,
our interpretation was either that we were a bad child or that we are all
right, but our parents were abusive. The people whom we select to be our
friends are those who confirm our self image. |
|
| Self image reflects the way we believe other people perceive us.
If we
believe that people perceive us in a certain way our self image accepts this
input. Our belief can, however, be incorrect and this can perpetuate problematic
relationships. This aspect of the self image can include our business, our home,
and our possessions. |
Techniques for developing the self image.
| We base our self image on reality. Our self image is the simple,
neutral perception of the facts regarding us. Some of our perceptions are
inaccurate and we need to test them and perhaps revise them, improving
unpleasant images, or reviewing grandiose notions. When our self image is
founded on our true characteristics, we gain in these ways:
| We feel comfortable and fulfilled
being the person we portray. |
| We function more effectively |
| We are not worried that a phony role will be discovered. A phony is
neither liked nor trusted. |
| We have less of a craving for people's approval. With an honest self
image, we know our good points regardless of people's confirmation, and we
can accept our faults without shame or denial. |
| We benefit from society's feedback. It affirms our identity as a
genuine person, rather than contradicting and disturbing us. If we have an
incorrect self image as a generous person, but people dislike us for our
actual stinginess, we are likely to become confused and angry. |
| We realize that we are not our behaviors or our thoughts. Throughout
life, we see ourselves acting both angry and calm, worried and confident,
loving and cruel, and so on. Our self image is not so flexible or vulnerable
that it can redefine itself every time we think or act in a different way.
Even though we recognize certain consistencies and patterns, we need to take
our self image lightly, remembering that whatever labels we put on ourselves
are only partially true. Our behaviors and thoughts occasionally manifest
the opposite of those labels. |
| We notice the ways in which our life develops from our self image.
To
an extent, our self image determines the character of our actions, feelings,
and thoughts, because we unconsciously refer to it constantly, "What
would I do in this situation?". If we have established a self image of
a peaceful person, we automatically tend toward peaceful behavior and we
spontaneously actualize our self image. This process builds on itself as a
self fulfilling prophecy. If our self image says that we have a friendly
personality, we behave in a friendly manner, and then people respond to us
as they would respond to a friendly person, and our self concept is
confirmed and solidified. Our self image is powerful enough to contradict
our conscious will. If our body image, a segment of the overall self image,
says that we are overweight, our mind will direct our behavior to
consummate that idea despite any superficial effort at dieting. |
| We can change our self image. We do this by highlighting the times
when we are acting out our desired self image, and merely glancing at the
occasions when we are acting out the opposite. We use this selective
awareness, every time we encounter a situation that confirms or disputes our
self image. We can use selective awareness consciously and purposefully.
After we propose a new self image in our minds, the process of selective
awareness automatically seeks to prove the image's validity by interpreting
events in such a way that the image is confirmed or denied. To create a new,
constructive self image, we acknowledge all events, visual images, emotions,
feelings, physical actions and so on. |
| We can isolate the times when we behave in an specific way, but say
that they are not necessarily part of a pattern, "I am angry right now,
but I am calm at other times". |
| We can interpret the situation so that it isn't taken as a
representation of our identity, "I feel anger right now, emotions come
and go, and they are not who I am". |
|
| We can re-define the trait. |
| We can take notice of the times when we display the opposite of
the undesired behavior. "I am calm right now, I am generally a
calm person, though I feel anger occasionally." |
| We can create situations where the desired
behavior is likely to
occur. "I'm glad that I came to the park, I am calm among the
beautiful trees and sky." |
| We can act in a way that represents the state of mind and self
image that we want. "I am lying in a hammock, that is something
that would be done by a person who is relaxed and calm." |
| We can review our memories and remember them in such a way that
they confirm our new self image. We do this by applying the previous
ideas in this list to past events. "I argued with John yesterday,
but I am generally a calm person." |
| We know our real self beyond our self image. Carl Jung wrote
about the differences between the self and the persona the assortment of
roles we play in society. The persona is necessary for our social
functioning, but we feel unfulfilled and unconnected when we live
exclusively on that superficial level, and when we see only the personas
of other people without recognizing the individuals behind their masks.
That is not an angry person. It is a person who is feeling and acting
angry. |
Next topic: Self Esteem |
