| |
Self Esteem
 | Self esteem is our belief that we have innate value and potential.
 |  Innate value. We know that we are important simply for being here. We
believe we have an inalienable right to express ourselves, and to be happy.
We are certain that we have a purpose for living. We can have dignity and
poise, regardless of our physical appearance, financial status, possessions,
occupation, accomplishments and things that we cannot control such as other
people's opinions of us. Self esteem is the collection of thoughts, images,
beliefs, and physical habits that correspond to our perception and opinion
of ourselves. Self esteem is an inner world attribute that manifests itself
in our outer world. |
| Innate potential. We know that we possess unique talents and
perspectives that make an important contribution to society. We have the right
and responsibility to develop that potential. |
|
| Self esteem is a characteristic of the ego, we gain the benefits that
are derived from a healthy ego. We can approach people from a position of
strength and abundance and vigor, rather than from neediness and emptiness.
We can be unpretentious. We can endure input from the other parts of the
psyche, and from other people. |
| Self esteem is developed over time.
| The influence of other people. In childhood, our family and
acquaintances responded to us in ways that indicated whether we were all
right. We established self esteem if they accepted us as a real person whose
thoughts and feelings were valid, and if they respected our unique
individuality. While we created our ideas about ourselves, we were
particularly vulnerable to other people's teasing, insults, rejections, and
shaming. As adults, we are less vulnerable to the same assaults if we have
learned that we are responsible for our own self esteem. As Eleanor
Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your
consent". It is difficult to have self esteem without support from
people, at least from the people whom we respect. |
| Invalidation from our system of values. If we value honesty, and we
violate that value, we can be damaging our self esteem, if we respond with
shame instead of guilt. Guilt is merely an impersonal alarm mechanism that
informs us that we have violated our values. It does not condemn us nor does
it tell us to hate ourselves. When guilt is triggered, we can consider
various options:
 | We can try to correct the action. We take responsibility for the
item that we damaged. If we correct the faulty action, our self esteem
is restored and even enhanced because we have indicated to ourselves
that we are competent in living life fairly and directly. |
| We can question the values that were violated. We realize that
our values are ineffective for the purpose of enhancing our life, so we
change them. |
| We can avoid shaming ourselves. Shaming is a harmful act in which
we proclaim that we are innately flawed and incapable. In one sense,
shame is the opposite of self esteem. It damages self esteem. |
|
|
Techniques for creating self esteem.
| Design-work: We develop energy tones such as poise, self
confidence, self love, self appreciation, and joy.
| Affirmations. We develop affirmations regarding our innate value
and our innate potential. |
| Directed imagination. We visualize ourselves in situations where
we have poise, self confidence, self love and an ability to interact
effectively from a base of our true self. |
| Modeling. We act as if we have self esteem. |
|
| We create a healthy ego. As we develop the ego, we develop self
esteem. Self esteem gives permission to the ego to grow as an effective
interface with the human world. |
| We examine our values. We have full self esteem only if we are
complying with our values. We need to have the particular values that
provide valid feedback on our actions, such that they trigger guilt when we
commit an act that is truly destructive or self destructive. If we value
life, we value this alarm mechanism that tells us that our current actions
are diminishing our life. |
Next topic: Self Confidence
|
