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The world is not to be put in order; the
world is order, incarnate. It is for us to harmonize with this order.
Henry Miller
Midlife is the beginning of the second half of life,
psychologically and physiologically. Midlife usually starts between the ages of
35 and 50. It continues until we have resolved its issues. It may end within a
few years, or it can persist into our 60s.
Midlife does not have to be a crisis.
It is the natural transition from early adulthood into a new maturity. Rather
than being the beginning of the end, it can be viewed as an exciting fresh
start, when we set aside whatever we have outgrown, and we move onward to
develop ourselves in new directions. Midlife is a crisis only if we fight the
transformations. This resistance can include:
 | An unwillingness to confront the challenges of midlife. |
| Anger toward the aging process with its wrinkles and other physical
changes. |
| A futile clinging to the habits and perspectives of our youth. |
| A fundamental unreadiness because we have not accomplished the
requirements of the first part of life. |
Midlife is the transition from ego development to ego transcendence. Midlife
is not simply a chronological milestone, it is a transition that marks the end
of our ego development phase.
| It is the end. Midlife starts when we have virtually completed the
tasks of the first half of our life. We have developed the ego and its
external correlates, our job, family, finances, achievements, habits,
viewpoints, expansion, conquests, and social identity. We accomplish this
through the separation of the persona from the potential, and the
establishment of ourselves as individuals through the individuation process. |
| It is a beginning. |
| The potential: Secure within our ego, we know who we are, as our
potential elements arise to show us that we also contain the opposite of
those traits. |
| The anima or animus: Strong in our gender identity as man or woman,
we can tolerate the characteristics of our contrary anima or animus. Many
previously dominant males suddenly find contentment in quiet, introspective
diversions that satisfy their anima, while their homemaker wives discover
their animus and so they come to life as community leaders. |
| The true self: Safe within the structure of our ego, we can perceive
these other centers of identity without being confused, and without
compromising the ego while embracing the new identities. We are still
separate individuals while simultaneously transcending that separateness and
being something more besides. If our ego boundaries are ill defined, our
encounter with the true self can cause us to no longer tend our personal
duties and needs. |
The characteristics of midlife.
Depending upon our unique experience of midlife, we can expect some or all of
the following conditions. For each condition, this list presents the usual
unpleasant perspective, and then it presents a positive perspective.
| Dissatisfaction with our life. In the first half of life, we felt a
passionate drive toward goals, and we enjoyed the achievement of those goals
such as family, job, home, power, or social position. At midlife, the drive can
dissipate into boredom, restlessness, dullness, discontent, meaninglessness, and
disillusionment. "Is this all there
is?" We might realize that some of our goals had never been meaningful. We
had accepted them because society or our parents had said that they were
important. This dissatisfaction causes us to abandon the goals and values that
are no longer useful or appropriate in our new phase of growth. We need to
develop other goals and values in order to fulfill our responsibilities to this
new phase. |
| Disorientation. We lose our previous identity and our goals, and perhaps
even our children, in the empty nest, thus, we do not know who we are, or what
we do. We can try to regain an earlier sense of identity through what Jung
called the regressive restoration of the persona. Unwilling or unable to explore
our emerging identity, we return to adolescent behaviors, that served us when
we were looking for an identity during our youth. This disorientation is a
natural part of the temporary transition period, as we develop our new identity,
priorities, and direction. This is indeed the time to revise our sense of
identity, and to allow our potential's opposites to arise. As our former persona
becomes lifeless and crusty, we can find vitality in the fresh, previously
repressed, and now obviously good, parts of our potential. |
| A realization that our youth has ended. We have lost the benefits of the
young such as boundless optimism, enthusiasm, and vitality. Asung said,
"Nobody seems to consider that not being able to grow old is just as absurd
as not being able to outgrow child size shoes. We can set aside youth's shortcomings such
as its naiveté, its impatience, and its pressure to succeed. We
can claim the badges of maturity such as skill, knowledge, wisdom, experience,
and a vast assortment of lush memories while we continue to grow in new ways to
acquire other types of skill, knowledge, wisdom, and experience. |
| A knowledge of the inevitability of death. No longer able to hide in the
illusion of immortality, we become more aware that we will die. In addition to
this cognizance of physical death, we see the death of our former perspectives,
identities, values, and other aspects of our inner self. The confrontation with
our mortality can impart a profound meaning to our existence, including our
relationships and loves. |
| An awareness of our limitations.
We realize that we will not fulfill all
of our aspirations. We watch the fading of previous idealism, hope, and
expectations. We can feel a sense of loss, sorrow, grief, and nostalgia. We see
younger brighter people passing us in their careers, and we know that we will
probably become less productive and useful as old age envelops us. We gain a
philosophical understanding of our humanness and its innate limitations, and of
the new types of goals that we can establish for our future. This can be a time
to relish our accomplishments, and to be a mentor to young people who are still
rising toward their peak. |
| Biological changes. These changes can include wrinkles, hormonal
adjustments, reduced vigor, loss of youthful attractiveness, new aches and
pains, and other signs of aging. Both men and women experience the climacteric,
the glandular changes that eventually terminate our ability to have children. In
women, the finale of the climacteric is menopause. At midlife, many people
become more concerned with their health, knowing that it will no longer be
sustained by the resilience of youth. We can explore inner beauty and humility
as our external beauty fades. Our new interest in health, vitality, and
longevity can foster respect and caring for our body. |
| A change in our moods. We can become withdrawn, emotional, irrational,
and depressed. The moods turn our attention inward, where we can view the
psychological processes of midlife, including our meeting with new designs and
the true self. |
| Radical behavioral changes. In the foolish forties, the upsurge of
libido can propel us to seek excitement through a different lifestyle, a new
job, a different home, new relationships, or a new religion. Some of these
changes are necessary, as we align our outer world to conform to our inner
transformation. Other changes are misguided attempts to regain our youthfulness. |
| A sense of tragedy for the introvert.
|
| A search for spiritual meaning. At midlife some people become more
concerned with their spiritual values and their relationship to spirit, for of
various reasons: 1) Their approaching death, 2) the general confusion of their
lives and their resulting call for divine help and guidance, 3) the general
reflection that can occur during midlife, and 4) the emergence of the true self.
Jung said in his Collected Works XI, "Among all my patients in the second
half of life, there has not been one whose problem in the last resort was not
that of finding a religious outlook on life, and none of them has really been
healed who did not regain his religious outlook". |
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