this is work in progress or homilies or miscellaneous items

that don't warrant a page by themselves

or seem to fit better here

pending poems  index

chronological order is from the bottom to the top of the page

audio files can be complemented by listening to them  with the eyes closed  !

benoit violier has just  shot  himself  !  : o (

the problem is that their food is not designed for nutrition, but taste and  appearance  and the industry is plagued with metabolic and mental health problems

he specialized in game apparently, i wonder if he was getting a bit of lead in his diet, i have gone to some trouble to handload my own solid copper bullets for my game hunting for that reason, microfragments of lead go everywhere throughout the carcass !

the stupidity of the world is such that all the media outlets fawn on this suicide, my comments of course pass almost completely unnoticed  !  : o (

“ i think therefore i am ”

thinking is existence

“ i disagree ! ”

i think therefore i am

thinking is existence

i disagree !

i think therefore i am

thinking is existence

i disagree

i think therefore i am

thinking is existance

i disagree

that is  “ hippy ”  was a lower/working class appropriation of those cultures . .

more recently  “ goths ”  is a lot like aesthetes

religion or subcultures, the species is all about copying and plagiarism . .

these subcultures required time and leisure which the upper class had but post world war  2  filtered down with the increase in wealth . .

isaiah berlin, that latvian refugee is   one   of those people whose affable manner, life and those whom he met are more interesting than what he writes !

some people, their lives and who they have met are more interesting than what they write !

some people, their lives and who they have met are more interesting than what they write

a gentler world without the bullshit, you couldn't get that sort of   interview   now !

some film  [8:00]  ,   mirren never had children  !

if you don't want sex, why would you be in a relationship with all its pain and trauma

n

e

c

e

s

s

a

r

i

l

y

since one partner wants sex more than the other ?

if you don't want sex, why would you be in a relationship with all its pain and trauma

if you don't want sex, why would you be in a relationship ?

if you don't want sex, why would you be in a relationship

if you don't don't sex, why would you be in a relationship ?

if you don't don't sex, why would you be in a relationship

what is happiness ?

everything is in waves, how can happiness persist ?

and even then, it doesn't last very long ?

what is happiness ?

everything is in waves, how can happiness persist ?

and even then, it doesn't last very long

what is happiness ?

everything is in waves, how can happiness persist ?

clean shaven doctors are a  hazard  ?

i think there is a case for not shaving every day to reduce micro abrasion damage to the skin !

its like something out of  ‘ the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy ’  clean shaven doctors a source of mrsa in hospitals !

arsenic in australian rice worries me !

pesticides in thai rice worries me !

i am trying pakistani rice !

white rice has lot less arsenic than brown rice !

  “ white basmati rice from california, india, and pakistan, and sushi rice from the  U.S.  on average has half of the inorganic-arsenic amount of most other types of rice ” 

the popular taste is for the second rate, the first rate is like another species to them !

:  o  (

the popular taste is for the second rate, the first rate is like another species to them !

: o (

the popular taste is for the second rate, the first rate is like another species to them !

the popular taste is for the second rate, the first rate is like another species to them

unbelievable !

saul  bellow  went to mexico city to visit leon trotsky, but he was assassinated the day before  (the 20th of august 1940)  they were to meet !

alphonse daudet is another syphilis ridden wreck, but actually  “ letters from my windmill ”  is very good, heavily sentimental but really conveys the pathos of life in a series of short stories covering quite different areas !

in my long and fruitless search for a popular audience i am descending to a comment on adele’s song  ‘ hello ’  !

actually i was watching a david bowie   interview   and it struck me that he was creatively artistic with a good intellectual depth, that a lot of these very successful popular performers in fact are sanely artistic and the public perception is only of their performance face, it strikes me adele is like that too, she really is quite abstract in her thinking !

roger waters was strongly influenced by tang dynasty poetry which is certainly an unusual predilection ! :o )

anyway i noticed the  video  didn't really match the lyrics, rather stupid really trying to impose some racially mixed relationship schema onto what in adele’s words was a more abstract intention

“ I felt all of us were moving on, and it's not about an ex-relationship, a love relationship, it's about my relationship with everyone that I love.  it's not that we have fallen out, we've all got our lives going on and I needed to write that song so they would all hear it, because I'm not in touch with them ”

the line   “ hello from the other side ”  signifies   “ the other side of becoming an adult, making it out alive from your late teens, early twenties ”

who are the morons, the listening public which revolts against the abstract, or the video  ‘ creative ’    ‘ tards ?

both probably !

the above is a quote of henri amiel

well from one perspective we are outraged when we are done in by it, from another, the withholding can be be very effective when used by ourselves in an adversarial context !

so when its done to you take note the context is or has turned adversarial !

the above is a quote of henri amiel

well from one perspective we are outraged when we are done in by it, from another, the withholding can be be very effective when used by ourselves in an adversarial context !

so when its done to you take note the context is or has turned adversarial !

the above is a   quote  of henri amiel

well from one perspective we are outraged when we are done in by it, from another, the withholding can be be very effective when used by ourselves in an adversarial context !

so when its done to you take note the context is or has turned adversarial !

see, the thing about reddit zen is both the buddhist and  “buji”  factions are buji, that is, sit on your arse and repeat a few things !

: o ( )

see, the thing about reddit zen is both the buddhist and  “buji”  factions are buji, that is sit on your arse and repeat a few things !

: o (

see, the thing about reddit zen is both the buddhist and  “buji”  factions are buji, that is sit on your arse and repeat a few things !

see, the thing about reddit zen is both the buddhist and  “buji”  factions are buji, that is sit on your arse and repeat a few things

“ women’s propensity to use sex to cure feelings of worthlessness ”

If men are always more or less deceived on the subject of women, it is because that they forget that they and women do not speak altogether the same language, and that words have not the same weight or the same meaning for them, especially in questions of feeling

Whether from shyness or precaution or artifice, a woman never speaks out her whole thought, and moreover what she herself knows of it is but a part of what it really is

Complete frankness seems to be impossible to her, and complete self-knowledge seems to be forbidden her

If she is a sphinx to us, it is because she is a riddle of doubtful meaning even to herself

She has no need of perfidy, for she is mystery itself

A woman is something fugitive, irrational, indeterminable, illogical, and contradictory

A great deal of forbearance ought to be shown her, and a good deal of prudence exercised with regard to her, for she may bring about innumerable evils without knowing it, capable of all kinds of devotion, and of all kinds of treason ,  “ monstre incompréhensible ”  raised to the second power, she is at once the delight and the terror of men

‘ the intimate   journal ’   of henri amiel, december the  26th, 1868

puts me in mind of two stanzas from ted hughes’s   poem   crow's first lesson

“ A final try ”  said God  “ Now, Love ”

Crow convulsed, gaped, retched and

Man's bodiless prodigious head

Bulbed out onto the earth, with swivelling eyes,

Jabbering protest  —  

And Crow retched again, before God could stop him

And woman's vulva dropped over man's neck and tightened

The two struggled together on the grass

God struggled to part them, cursed, wept   —  

Crow flew guiltily off.

“ I have been practicing for a couple of years that whatever a woman says I weigh up if the opposite of what she said makes more sense ”

let time pass and wait and observe seems to be the best strategy !

let time pass and wait and observe seems to be the best strategy !

let time pass and wait and observe seems to be the best strategy

let time pass and wait and observe seems to be the best strategy

let time pass and wait and observe seems to be the best strategy !

: o )

let time pass and wait and observe seems to be the best strategy

: o )

let time pass and wait and observe seems to be the best strategy !

let time pass and wait and observe seems to be the best strategy

i opened a jar of pickled gherkins seven years past the   ‘ best before date ’  with a still perfect vacuum seal by   tapping   around the rim, bent up the rim a bit but the top still works, the gherkins were perfectly preserved !

heating and expanding the top by running it under boiling water also works well provided the liquid in the jar is not too close to the top and thus cooling it too quickly to maintain enough expansion to unscrew easily !

“ candesartan  prevented  glutamate-induced neuronal death ”

candesartan  provides  neuroprotection through several mechanisms against injury in alzheimer’s disease and likely other neurodegenerative diseases !

i remember years ago the owner of a local health shop had some sort of skin cancer on her arm that she applied colloidal silver on for a while and it went !

i wonder if it was a seborrheic keratoses and what was happening is that the colliodal silver  disabled  the Akt kinase enzyme

i don't think brad warner is handling his blog right, the sensible comments which have something for him he ignores and the hubric arseholes he toadies to !

he's a bizarre example of all that’s wrong about soto zen ,  meditation without quality reading just digs a deeper hole for one’s head in the sand  !

why let the best use of your life be material for my web pages ?

i don't think brad warner is handling his blog right, the sensible comments which have something for him he ignores and the hubric arseholes he toadies to !

he's a bizarre example of all that’s wrong about soto zen, meditation without quality reading just digs a deeper hole for one’s head in the sand !

why let the best use of your life be material for my web pages ?

a reddit   OP   titled  “ Sad encounter today ”

So I was walking my   giant dog  as usual and he was getting all the pats as usual when we came upon this family.

Mum, dad, grandma and a 7 to 9 year old girl.

They started pointing to my dog and telling the child to  “ Look! Look at the big doggie ! ”

My dog used to be a therapy dog so I mosey on over and ask if they would like to pat him.

They say yes.

My dog is friendly as usual but you guys !

This little girl made me feel so sad !

She was in a pram that had to be laid flat so she was on her back.

She had braces on her legs and she couldn't move or speak.

All she could do was move her eyes which is probably why they were telling her to look at my dog.

I just felt so sad for this child !

I don't know if she was like this because of an accident or because she was born that way but it was another reason to me not to have children.

What if they ended up like her and couldn't move but had to live that way for their whole life ?

At least she had a loving family who take her outside to see things. Probably her only joy in life.

Hopefully seeing my dog made her happy.

She couldn't even pat him  : ’ (  but he did cozy up to her and was good with her.

----------------------

I think the thing that made me the most happy/sad was how good this family was with the girl.

The grandma made sure she was as comfortable as possible.

I've seen/experienced so many abusive families that seeing this one made me feel a bit better.

Dogs are great.

I hear so many stories about how them just being there to visit helps so much. It's true. There's something comforting about their presence.

----------------------

He is all fluff.  Weighs 120 pounds or 55 kilos.

We actually found him when he was a starving little runt in a cage with a broken tail, saved him and when he was older  (around 3 years old)  I trained him to be a therapy dog.

He passed the test and everything but one of the other trainers didn't like his breed  (malamuke)  so he only got to go out twice to an old age home and a children's hospital but those two times were awesome.

He's retired now because he’s old  (10)

reddit has some writers supposedly picking up the interesting op’s and threads, but really, they go for the  glitzy  junk and miss the real pearls

this is the theory of everything

that the laws of the universe are themselves an unfolding fractal and hence infinite progession !

this is the theory of everything

that the laws of the universe themselves are an unfolding fractal and hence infinite progession !

this is the theory of everything

that the laws of the universe are an unfolding fractal and hence infinite progession !

this is the theory of everything, that the laws of the universe are an unfolding fractal and hence infinite progession !

“ experiments on subatomic particles over the past 50 years ago show that nature doesn't treat both directions of time equally

in particular, subatomic particles called k and b mesons behave slightly differently depending on the direction of time

when this subtle behaviour is included in a model of the universe, what we see is the universe changing from being fixed at one moment in time to  continuously  evolving

so this difference in behavior of the k and b mesons means that time in this universe propels forward thus causality occurs . .

so   this  is where the people made of vegetables come from !

strikingly original !

its interesting how artists never seem to run into the same sort of problems with the authorities for their content as writers do !

carl holsøe, between him and vilhelm hammersøi there must have been a lot of danish women looking    longingly   outdoors !

there must be a billion zillion fractals one or two of which that open up to something like the laws of physics we have today . .

the question is how does that fractal space  relate  to reality, like any natural phenomena that is described by a fractal, how do you get the real from that ?

where is the transition ?

is there a transition ?

ten thousand years  ago ,  notice the bound hands, the very deliberate elimination of a rival group !

just seen the biggest/closest lightning flash of my life, 320 meters away out over the paddock, 2:35pm, a super bright straight down bolt . .

followed by a very loud  crack

just as well i had disconnected the telephone line on my computer . .

homilies and a poem by jason

i have some sort of caring for people even though they treat me badly

it's sometimes tough to see the craziness until you're out of it

a poem i quickly wrote on r/zen, rewriting from memory

laying on my hammock

radiator hissing

mother sick downstairs

why worry about my original face,

when i have this one right here

in world war two, the germans should have focused on control of the mediterranean and not invading russia, which would have necessitated gaining control of malta and  gibraltar  !

hitler alone may have been responsible for this gross strategic mistake, surprisingly hermann göring advised against an invasion of the united kingdom and instead to take spain and north africa !

such a deep seated mistake at the outset of the war must have been very troubling to competent german decison makers in the military !

“ mummy 61074 ”   bears a remarkable resemblance to pictorial representations/portraits of queen nefertiti !

it just staggers me how this information has been   preserved ,  uncovered after 3350 years !

yes pharaoh  akhenaten  looks unusual !

“ but I don’t think he  (ed.  j. krishnamurti)  was ever lacking for money at any time in his life, or was just  ‘ scraping by ’  ”

the image i have of jiddu is a motherless , barely fed/malnourished indian boy running across the sands at adyar

its interesting to see in the same thread the quote comes from, brad’s lack of response to zucchinipant’s  (dave !)  quite reasonable    post   about his areas of limitations and claims to be unique, i saw /have seen this again and again with brad warner, he just stops at investigating anything which really undercuts what he is doing . .

the world has changed in very significant ways from twenty years ago, maybe i should also be looking at necessary adaptions to the future . .  !

“ the current   moderation   policy is all comments are vetted for adding to rather than subtracting from the blog ! ”

no comments have been rejected at this point, the system seems to work quite well, i think the vetting emphasizes that its a private board, not a public free for all and people behave .  . !

extreme volunteerism  is a form of suicide !

yes brad warner ,  we have that in common !

extreme volunteerism  is a form of suicide !

yes brad warner ,  we are alike in that respect !

extreme volunteerism  is a form of suicide !

yes brad warner ,  we have a common problem !

extreme volunteerism is a form of suicide !  : o (  : o )

v4

extreme volunteerism is a form of suicide !  : o (

v3

extreme volunteerism  is a form of suicide !

extreme volunteerism is a form of suicide !

v2

extreme volunteerism is a form of suicide

v1

there's a lot that has occurred in the past !

the present is like the tip of the iceberg of what has occurred in the past !

there's a lot that has occurred in the past !

the present is like the tip of the iceberg of what has happened in the past !

there's a lot that has happened in the past !

the present is like the tip of the iceberg of what has happened in the past !

there's a lot that has happened in the past !

the present is like the tip of the iceberg of what has happened in the past

there's a lot that has happened in the past

the present is like the tip of the iceberg of what has happened in the past

you weren't my choice, i was your choice, that was always the problem !

why should i be surprised you decided to leave ?

you weren't my choice, i was your choice, that was always the problem !

why should i be surprised you decided to leave

you weren't my choice, i was your choice, that was always the problem

why should i be surprised you decided to leave

you weren't my choice, i was your choice, that was always the problem !

you weren't my choice, i was your choice, that was always the problem

conciousness is not the whole story since there are unconcious processes occuring that we are not aware of, the brain is the whole story !

conciousness is not the whole story since there are unconcious processes occuring that we are not aware of, the brain is the whole story

the difference between the internet and tv is tv being broadcast you can’t explore its veracity, but the internet allowing feedback and searching allows you to examine the veracity of content !

the difference between the internet and tv is tv being broadcast you can’t explore its veracity, but the internet allowing feedback and searching allows you to examine the verity of content !

the difference between the internet and tv is tv being broadcast you can’t explore its verity, but the internet allowing feedback and searching allows you to examine the verity of content !

tv culture, its hopeless !

tv culture, its hopeless !

tv culture, its hopeless

in a  reply  to a comment on brad’s post,  he says that two thirds of the people who aks him to give a talk don't have a realistic idea of what’s involved ,  the costs to him and also his need for an income on top of that !

that whole comments section is more   illuminating  than brad’s post . .

it highlights the huge problem of brad being an  extreme volunteer ,  that is, giving his life away for the entertainment and amusement of others and most/some of those others apparently want to grind the last dollar of  “ extreme ”  out of him . .

you can get any amount of work as a competent  “ slave ” volunteering for others . .

i say brad, but its something i think about a lot in the context of what i do, which in reality is full time and should i walk away from it  . .

the only rule i have had with my writing is does it  “ extend me ”  and mostly it seems to . .

so in writing this i am not actually doing something for others but thinking things though

how far does it go ?

how effective is it ?

i

d o n ’ t  k n o w

watch  a tumorigenic cell throw a cable out, probe another cell and combine with it !

philosophy, the love of sophie, find out who sophie is !

: o )

philosophy, the love of sophie, find out who sophie is !

philosophy, the love of sophie, find out who sophie is

well brad, since you are  complaining  i will give you a review of your  book  !

i like the idea of your putting dogen into colloquial english, the problem is tho a lot of dogen has relied for its impact on being ambiguous rubbish translated as ambiguous rubbish and having a jaundiced view of humanity, it is no surprise to me to see the western world worship that rubbish and every zennist on the web ban me and my writing !

again because you have banned me from commenting on your blog you don't get to hear my very good advice about writing books, the world has changed, monsters are passé and except for a few niche markets, there is absolutely no money to be made !

so you make more clear that dogen was writing silly rubbish with your rendering and your lack of understanding about the culture and politics of the period and eihei dogen’s familial role in the kyoto power structure means you have dropped some clangers !

it was a big help for me to realise/eventually work out that

a)

there was a genuine mystical zen tradition

b)

that you can only really gain the odd glimmer of this tradition because of all the translation and recorder obfuscation and that the human morons way prefer obfuscated voynich and distain to what is put in plain english like my writing ?

maybe dogen remained unread for so much of history because now time and cultural distance gives a patina to his  90% rubbish !

however there is  10%  good or maybe  3  which actually makes me wonder whether he too had problems with recorder biases, or maybe he just hit the nail on the head occasionally ?

its probably reflective of the very long road between the intial enlightenment experience and welding the many years following into coherency . .  as i have said before, its a pity he didn't live longer !

reply to this brad, i bet you don't !

those years after the enlightenment experience wasted in nostalgia and many broken relationships ?

be honest, these paragraphs i have written are way better than your book and did it cost you anything beyond angst to read it ?

i think charles  simic  is ruined by being multilingual  (serbian, french, english) ,  it never did valdimir nabakov any good either !

there’s a reason anna arkamatova and osip mandelstam stayed to such fatal effect in the land of their childhood language !

“ one of the distinct advantages of growing up in a place where one is apt to find men hung from lampposts  (ed.  belgrade)  as one walks to school is that it cuts down on grumbling about life as one grows older ”

rather than poetry i think he’s more interesting for the life and interviews !

“ it’s mind-boggling to discover that a word, a phrase, or an entire poem perfectly understandable in one language cannot be translated into another ”

he had been only 50km from the end of his  “ no resupply ”  solo trek attempting to be the first man to cross the antartic !

he was 55 and obviusly in denial about the effect of aging, what is possible at 25 kills at 55 !

his judgment must have gone as well . . .

i    never   feel alone

be cautious about telling doctors anything you are doing supplement wise that might sound abnormal, they will not react well . .

you can of course test if a supplement is giving a problem by simply stopping taking it or considerably reducing the amount . .

i never realised that virginia woolf’s mother ,  julia steven ,  died  when virginia was thirteen, mrs. ramsey/julia steven in  ‘ to the lighthouse ’  makes a lot of sense in that context !

jason  a s k s

can you explain your vision in more detail ?

you were lying down and the sixth patriarch appeared ?

your eyes were closed ?

my

r e p l y

i was really trying to figure out what this all was about and then i saw a road to the answer which was to  “ abandon myself ”  and then literally i came back from some very deep excursion past reality/from infinity and it was a case of remembering how things reconstructed  .  .  the words came last on top of what was a very visual experience

its a very definite thing, i couldn't believe it after it happened and it really took years for its real significance to sink in

this was at a zen retreat, the sensei, john loori to his credit had some sense that something had happened, but fortunately i never got to talk to him about it and it changed my understanding so radically that the process of my being alienated from zen and its bullshit had started and was to get quite antagonistic in the way i was treated ,  i could see clearly nobody even john really had an idea what had happened or that it was even possible . .

i'm somewhat  (lol not too what ! :o)  wary about talking about it because to pursue such experiences is mistaken

i think what it does is like with brad warner and father lazarus al-anthony, your world view gets changed so radically that some major life changes follow which are very disruptive and not approved of by family though i can't say mine ever objected  . .

you become certain that things are such and such a way which gives you the robustness to deal with a world that promotes the denial of that reality and that which is supposedly interested in such a reality is outright fraud . .

you can't tell it of course and that world gets quite nasty to you . .

so basically you come out with this  “ experience ”  of the world/reality being quite different to how it appears and the conventional social assumptions

and then one slowly develops a sense of what you might call  “ fugue states ”  where one is literally in identity with infinity and you also need to have done the ground work to understand that this is all that matters and indeed most of life is some faded echo of this . .

----------------------

so i lay down , the degree of concentration was such that it pretty well has to be lying down, no closed eyes, it was actually during a rest period and not a retreat meditation period, that's why i think people focusing on zazen posture have the wrong idea, the attention needed to maintain the posture precludes the concentration necessary

but as i say, there are a billion trillion bullshitters who disbelieve that such a thing can happen and we live in an inverted reality . .

i think what happens is one hits a  “ resistance point ” ,  that is i had years of intense work into this sort of  “ inquiry ” behind me and actually a lot of it prior to zen through literature and through long solitary walks . . but i had reached the point where my understanding couldn't progress without an overturning of my values and the way i looked at things, the whole fake social beliefs side that we unconsciously imbibe and that  “ vision ”  or removal to that   “ other world ”  is what happened . .

a literal tangible fact, more real than this reality . .

humans are  “bower birds” ,  they  “copy and paste”  and that's what they think this work consists of, but since they haven't had the experience they disbelieve and it shows even in a few words by them and the way they act, so certain of themselves and their hubric version of life . .

the net is an endless hyperlexic spinning wheel

ɤ     ȶ     ʖ     Ȣ

the net is an endless hyperlexic spinning wheel

ɤ

the net is an endless hyperlexic spinning wheel

ȣ

the net is an endless hyperlexic spinning wheel

i'm not going to complain about what suits me  !

i'm not going to complain about what suits me !

i'm not going to complain about what suits me

soto zen is very appealing to a certain type of person who doesn't like to think or extend their intellectual boundaries at all !

this leaves people like brad warner  scouting  around for documentation to guide how he should implement a service that has its origins in japanese fascism !

when you read this  shit  it makes you  P U K E  !

go brad, recreating the mentality that gave rise to the nanking massacre !

the problem meiji zen has is distancing itself from its japanese nationalist roots, not recreating them ! :o(

w h y  p r e a c h  ?

why  p r e a c h  ?

why p r e a c h ?

why p r e a c h

why preach ?

why preach

the window opens   the window closes   the door is closed

the window opens, the window closes, the door is closed

the window opens  the window shuts   the door is closed

audio

the window opens, the window shuts, the door is closed

90%  of what you do is a waste of time   ! 

90%  of what you do is a waste of time   ! 

: o (

90%  of what you do is a waste of time   ! 

: o (

90%  of what you do is a waste of time   ! 

90%  of what you do is a waste of time  !

90%  of what you do is a waste of time  !

90%  of what you do is a waste of time  !

90%  of what you do is a waste of time

r. i. p.

andrew levin, he doesn’t fit life, he doesn’t fit death . .

father lazarus al-anthony’s   visions

he also disses dylan thomas at the end, that’s a big flaw of his, a lack of a certain asthetic sensibility and complexity which dylan has !

this is an odd thought, we are used to thinking of human  (ourselves)  as a different species from other species, but female is more different from male than human is different from other species !

this is an odd thought, we are used to thinking of human  (ourselves)  as a different species from other species, but female is more different from male than human is different from other species

windows open and close !

doors always remain shut !

windows open and close !

doors always remain shut

windows open and close

doors always remain shut

windows open and close !

windows open and close

not something we are taught at all in western education, but a gripping   read   of the disintegration of the roman empire of the west ending in  476  by the deposition of the last western roman emperor, romulus augustulus leaving the barbarian germanic kingdoms ipso facto rulers . .

interestingly the empire in the east lasted until  1453  when constantinople was captured by mehmet  II  and his army and navy !

why i got interested in this was this  “ collapse ”  also obviated  st.   augustine   of hippo’s life work to establish his version of christianity, we only know about him from the five million !  words he wrote, their preservation and the coincidental?  later emergence in western europe of the   “ latin ”  version of christianity he championed !

he is dying, but his brain is still young . .

childless women and cats and their many  inane  commenters  !

:  o  (  )

james packer  gives/buys/has made  mariah carey  a  six ? million dollar  engagement ring !

he's very susceptible to women, you can already see the break-up, how long ahead ?

apparently a  friend  of mariah's made the ring, lol he's already outflanked ! :o)

jesus, his father was no such fool !

there is no time !

st. augustine may as well exist now immediately as any of you !

there is no time !

st. augustine may as well exist immediately as any of you !

there is no time !

there is no time

is what meditation about really the development of  reflective  ability ?

i see a lot of people who meditate but really have no reflective ability, its a puzzle ! ?

writing also develops reflective ability, but again very few seem to cross the barrier into meaningful reflection, just repeating whatever life clichés they have absorbed or copied !

a

g

a

i

n

a

p

u

z

z

l

e

is what meditation about really the development of reflective ability ?

‘ can someone hide in the eyes of a zen master ? ’

they all do !

‘ can someone hide in the eyes of a zen master ? ’

they all do !

‘ can someone hide in the eyes of a zen master ? ’

they all do

jason  a s k s

did you like  ‘ the great gatsby ’ ,  the book ?

it was one of the few books recommended to me while at high school

the karin ek youtube  channel  has a lot of interesting documentaries

i think i'm going to watch the  john fante  documentary next, maybe

f scott fitzgerald, another young writer taken by poor health

my

r e p l y

yeah she has good taste !

never read the full book, some writers i read extracts rather than fully !

jason  w r i t e s

this girl i know will be walking with a book right up to her face while walking down one of the busiest roads around here, my only explanation is unconscious suicide

my

r e p l y

“ autistic spectrum ”  hyperlexic, probably good peripheral vision as well !

censorship is the suppression of a viewpoint !

spam is a viewpoint so there has to be an argument in terms of which viewpoint is more valid, yours as the blog author or the spammers ?

so in  “ vetting ”  the 7thzen patriarch   blog ,  i am censoring comments in terms of what adds to or subtracts from the blog and its activity

however in terms of  “ inquiry into infinity ” there is valid versus destructive or waste of time content and i am making a call on which is which

so in the end it all boils back to my judgment and you the reader have to make you own call on this !

so if i complain about the endless message boards and blog owners over the years who have suppressed my viewpoint and posts aren’t i being a hypocrite in complaining  ?

my argument is i am not a hypocrite simply because in the claim of terms of what they are blogging or posting about they are simply trying to avoid the destruction of their invalid viewpoint, so its not necessarily  “censorship”  i am complaining about although the word does cover it, but in essence the hypocrisy and inconsistency of viewpoint and content !

----------------------

a practical example is my claim i am  censored  on reddit zen !

now there are a clutch of ways they have of intimidating me, the most effective is high downvotes in the order of three to five most times when i used to post towards the end, which from a small karma viewpoint like i have, is unsustainable !

interestingly one of the big factors keeping reddit zen reasonably robust in terms of alternative viewpoints is ewk having a huge accumulated karma from before the reddit policy changed to eliminating karma for making a post, and though he loses karma consistently, his base is so high as to put of reach his ever getting into the area of reddit penalties for negative karma !

i strongly suspect ewk of being behind some of my  downvotedness  as the downvotes dropped right away when he left r/zen in a huff, and when he came back my downvotes increased again !

in addition i did occasionally get posts deleted and my  “ spaced style formatting ” which was very effective, was crimped by removing the ability to place extra spacing at will in the post, reddit zen was the only  subreddit  i have come across where this has been done !

so what they are doing is not that different in effect from what i am doing to comments on my blog, however my blog is true in its terms of reference, but what r/zen is doing which is ostensibly about authentic zen, is total dishonesty and voynichation in its claimed terms of reference, i am being penalised by them to preserve their invalid viewpoint, the primary one being that they have a true understanding mostly by virtue of being their narcissistic hubric selves as far as i can see . .  !

so i leave you, reader, with the happy task of calling valid versus invalid and mostly i am not optimistic you will get it right ! :o)

so when i complain of being censored  i am really complaining of  (whoever)/ them  supressing my  (Objectively)  valid viewpoint !

that is, the flagrant hypocrisy of not doing what they claim, gesshin would be a good example of this !

it took me a long time to understand that it was the sheer quality of my posting that was upsetting and caused the punitive retaliation . .

of course this is inherently solipsist, one can be right while almost everybody else is wrong, an anathema to the human  collectivist  paradigm !

perspectives shift, it's in the actual shift that infinity is sought and found, not the concrete blocks at either end !

sepehr  r e p l i e s

hmm, the point is not to make a comfort perspective/zone, right, but married life tends to do that, since it gives the illusion of sufficiency or concrete block, right ?

my

r e p l y

marriage gives meaning to life and has a point, to understand infinity one needs to be cast adrift entirely into the meaningless waste

this of course is what people don't want to know, mongols clutching at the empty sufficiency of their lives and calling it real . .

perspectives shift, it's in the actual shift that infinity is sought and found, not the concrete blocks at either end !

alts  are one of the big problems with r/zen, keeping track of who is who . .

it does basically seem to be the same people recycling

that's one of the big problems with r/zen, keeping track of who is who . .

it does basically seem to be the same people recycling

ever watched someone who can't figure skate, try to figure skate ?

you can never figure it out by yourself, you need to do quality reading, if you just read junk and think junk and credit r/zen as being something more than a looney bin . .

ever watched someone who can't figure skate, try to figure skate ?

all marine venoms are highly heat sensitive

its continually interesting to read reddit zen and try and figure out what is going on in an abstract sense ,  i don't know why its so hard, but i am very slow in picking up what is happening

the way all the energy is burnt at a very basic level of disagreement, like  religious/buddhist  versus a more unfettered  buji  zen

that’s my objection to zakaj and sepehr, that there is too much disagreement at a fundamental level, and energy just gets consumed pointlessly . .

both of them are into communal paradigms which in part would reflect their married state . .

but the real zen is entirely solipsistic ! : o)

now i think about it, the  prisoner  is  very paradigmatic of reality,  a sickly sentimental surface with a brutal underpinning which you  can never escape from

audio

sepehr, who are you the reincarnation of, genghis khan or winne the pooh ?

audio

sepehr, who are you the reincarnation of, genghis khan or winne the pooh ?

sepehr, who are you the reincarnation of, genghis khan or winne the pooh

its interesting that to remove mechanical  constraints  on brain case size, handcrafted stone piercing and chopping blades were necessary to enable smaller teeth and a lighter lower jaw !

if you are of northern european origin, our very genetic existance is predicated on  genocide  !

“ all humans are mortal  

socrates is human

    therefore, socrates is mortal ”

socrates is immortal

“ all humans are mortal  

socrates is human

    therefore, socrates is mortal ”

socrates is immortal

  ergo,  socrates is human !

“ all humans are mortal  

socrates is human

    therefore, socrates is mortal ”

socrates is immortal

  ergo, socrates is human !

“ all humans are mortal  

socrates is human

    therefore, socrates is mortal ”

socrates is immortal

ergo

  socrates is human !

trying an experiment, have taken an account on imgur, it seems very fast, these photo files are quite big, one meg each , photos of where i live taken today , 19th january, 2016, a very severe drought with smoke haze from fires elsewhere !

drought and smoke haze album

and for a bonus, the skull of what might be a young grey beaked whale from a local beach !

skull album

cocaine ,   death  by a thousand cuts !

i always thought it was reasonably benign but it's not !

it may have one off medicinal use for brain viruses ?

xyz   w r i t e s

cocaine is really fucked man cuz last time I did it I couldn't remember my pin for my bank card

I don't even remember how much lines I did, at least six but probably more than that

before that I did three at the most

don't do coke it'll fuck you up !

well it all adds up, the damage and not only from coke

cocaine ,   death  by a thousand cuts !

i always thought it was reasonably benign but it's not !

it may have one off medicinal use for brain viruses ?

“ at around  5:30pm  on a cold evening, the   tip  of everest was the last mountain to be illuminated by the setting sun   ( taken from gorak shep )   photo by dylan toh ”

harlan ellison on the  problem  with writing !

and i don't think he was really adjusted to the web, income from writing is so far out of sight now . .

one trillion zillon words has debased the whole textual currency !

like what happened with photography ! :o()

“ all humans are mortal  

socrates is human

   therefore, socrates is mortal ”

socrates is immortal

therefore

  socrates is human !

if something works out in your favour, don't be too fussy about the way it happens !

if something works out in your favour, don't be too fussy about the way it happens

if something works out in your favour, don't be too fussy about the way its done !

if something works out in your favour, don't be too fussy about the way its done

buddha is an historical  wiki ,  a  wiki  of bullshit !

buddha is an historical  wiki ,  a  wiki  of bullshit ! :o(

buddha is an historical  wiki ,  a  wiki  of bullshit ! :o)

buddha is an historical  wiki ,  a  wiki  of bullshit !

buddha is an historical  wiki ,  a  wiki  of bullshit

jesus christ and gautama buddha were crass badly written fictions, buddha is interestingly a sort of  “ wiki ”  with editing and stuff  “tacked in”  over an awful lot of generations, you can even see it today on the web with new quotes  ‘ ascribed ’  to him !

the world is filled with endless morons who can’t tell the difference !

underground mining can be bad news because of the toxic metals in the dust breathed, there will be satisfactory jobs in mining, but a bit of investigation is needed, the mine of course and what's in the orebody will need to be looked at

butting a soccer ball with your head is concussive, i have seen research to that effect !

sports and concussion is an exploding issue because of  MRI’s  showing what happens, sports rules will have to change, but even being sued hasn't effected anything in american football, they will have to pay out again i guess before they understand !

my parents gave me some rather nice  “ queen ann ” chocolates  (new zealand nostalgia !)  for christmas, i was interested to look up who queen anne was

the degree of death and sterility from diseases in that period is interesting

the incestuous nature of politics at the highest levels, but that had always been a feature of british politics previously

her   life  was a tragic succession of miscarriages, children dying young and ill health but on balance she may have been great britain's most successful monarch with an effective transition to a multi party democracy . .

not a vicious woman at all, unlike queen elizabeth the first !

re:  her friendship with sarah churchill, politics and friendships are two different things and the first will eventually sunder the second !

the termination of john kennedy toole's two month road trip on a country road near biloxi  (march the 26th, 1969)  in suicide may have been the effect of a very poor diet while travelling if he ate anything like ignatius reilly which seems likely !

i ate some deep fried potato chips in town several months ago, it was just amazing the way it fucked my brain for several days !

its a great pity he never made the transition from a somewhat belief in the overall rationality of the world and the discovery of its absurd very negative essence of the glorification of turds and idioacy the the rejection of his masterpiece can only leave as a conclusion !

a bit of bad luck too to strike an overly hands on and by that stage  hubric  editor like robert gottlieb, what at least at the commercial level, worked for joseph heller and catch-22 was destructive to   “ ken ”  toole ,  altogether a more uncertain and gentle character !

actually now i think about it ,  catch-22 which i never liked may well be a very inferior novel due to gottlieb’s influence compared to what it might have been !

catch-22 is highly  condensed  in a way that impairs its sense and readability

once when i went to sleep i would wake up with a sense of a new day !

now when i wake up its just a continuing nightmare !

once when i went to sleep i would wake up with a sense of a new day !

now when i wake up its just a continuing nightmare !

: o (

once when i went to sleep i would wake up with a sense of a new day

now when i wake up its just a continuing nightmare

: o (

once when i went to sleep i would wake up with a sense of a new day !

now when i wake up its just a continuing nightmare !

once when i went to sleep i would wake up with a sense of a new day

now when i wake up its just a continuing nightmare

fish flavours in cat food may be  responsible  for hyperthyroidism !

one of the problems of zen is the limited palette of artistic experience it embraces

this is religion in general as well . .

its almost a reaction against literature and art as an overwhelming and variable expression of the same subject matter as religion  . . zen . .  . .

so artifically deliberately constrained no wonder they end up with absolute pigs of unsurpassed ignorance, rigidity, refractoriness and blindness !

edward hopper seems the   essence   of modernity or art deco to me, simplified landscapes that are cast in light  Ƹ11:35Ʒ  !

if i am conceited, it is the conceit of an amazing man who has never found any surpassing himself

number 34, page 22 in a.j. arberry's translation  “ poems of al-mutanabbi ” 

more time   travel  !

no power lines or cellphone towers !

unearthed    by jason, it always surprises me how well this old material is retained by this online blog, long may it continue !

lineage  document  but its not the real transmission !

interestingly both those men were dead within four years !

lol the   “105”  year old outlived the  60  year old by a year !

what a load of  C R A P   ! 

sepehr does a summary of  ‘ 7th patriarch doctrine ’ ,  not too off target i have to say ! :o)(

be your own voice, don't parrot others or copy-paste terse text

get daily solitude in natural scenery

celibacy is superior

get contemplative meditative time, shikantaza being best for it has no reference point

write poetry based off one's own experience rather than interpretation

watch or read quality high art from the likes of tarkovsky, emily dickinson, wang wei, bukowski, etc.

the importance is to realize andrew is more on the creative side compared to meiji-era zen. he, convincingly, argues that one is best off placing more emphasis on solitude in natural scenery and the poetic words that flow from infinity.

it takes a lifetime to sort out kensho and everything is always insufficient, life is continual refinement

nutrition and diet are immensely important, research and experiment a lot yourself while taking research into account

a very good  explanation  of the writing of  ‘ the great gatsby ’

harold pinter’s screenplay of the  “ last tycoon ”  made a big impact on me !

there's so much good material on the net now, its disorientating !

what is the last tycoon about ?

energy leading to ultimate failure, a metaphysical theme for sure ! : o(

oscar wilde runs true to the die ,  being the sum or amalgamation of both  his parents ,  a bit so, unfortunately for him !

oscar wilde runs true to the  die ,  being the sum or amalgamation of  both  his parents ,  a bit so, unfortunately for him !

oscar wilde runs true to the  die  being the sum or amalgamation of  both  his parents, a bit so, unfortunately for him !

ivan shishkin, something   benign   from russia ! :o)

but to me its all continual neverending  pr o g r e s s i o n  !

but to me its all continual neverending  pr o g r e s s i o n

but to me its all neverending continual  pr o g r e s s i o n  !

but to me its all neverending continual  pr o g r e s s i o n

but to me its all continual  pr o g r e s s i o n !

but to me its all continual  pr o g r e s s i o n

message boards are essentially publishing wiki’s and blog comments are writing brought into the main blog post in an uncontrolled way, the question is, do you want that ?

message boards are essentially publishing wiki’s and blog comments are writing brought into the blog OP in an uncontrolled way, the question is, do you want that ?

expectant mothers with high  omega  6’s and low omega 3’s ,  well you see the results everywhere. .  including a mirror !

there’s a lot of fantasy literature about what would have happened had the nazi's won world war two, but a more realistic scenario is what would have happened if the versailles treaty had been more intelligent and instituted a constitutional democracy with a son of wilhem the second, while not requiring reparations !

could they then have feasibly invented the atomic bomb first and the world would now be ruled by a german super power ?

or

would

world

war

two

never

have

jason   asks

do you think hongren actually held a poetry contest to judge his heir ?

someone posted a link about huineng being fictional on /r/zen

i only read halfway through but it argues that huineng never existed

my

r e p l y

as to the poetry contest who knows?

recoveries of memorial plaques are indicating that early ch’an figures are historically real to a great extent, there's even a reference to bodhidharma who may actually have been executed since his death was on the banks of the lo river, which was an execution ground !

between china's very invasive urbanisation and the cultural revolution, substantial evidence for the historical existence of these people may be irretreviably lost !

that aside you are going to get a lot of interweaving, conflation and confusion between legend and real people and the degree to which narratives are mythological is hard to say !

but you know as to the substance of the hagiographies . . ?

most people in buddhism would rather the sixth patriarch didn’t exist historically because his anti-formalism and anti-proxying teaching is actually destructive of meiji zen and buddhism generally

whereas of course they place their faith in that truely mythological and non-historical figure ,  that old pretentious fart ,  shakyamuni buddha ! :o(

sepehr, basically your taste is  low brow ,  sentimental ,  its killing you !

that animation is crap and vacant, no intellectual depth !

this  is  not  !

i think that’s your basic problem, a lack of intellectual depth, you just indulge in a sort of cut and paste of material and ideas all the time !

to get around that all you have to do is get back to your life and examining it and yourself and not proxy into media candyfloss !

you need that daily ,  ‘ do nothing ’  contemplative time, that’s where you are going astray, but as i said before that sort of deconstruction scares you, well . .

imo

what happens with a lack of deconstruction and rebuilding is also scary ! : o)

----------------------

the problem with herbal supplements is quality, ie what is really in them and do they have contaminants which can include heavy metals !

we use herbs for cooking, fresh is way better imo

herbs are really  “ medicinal ”  that is there are good and bad effects so it takes a lot of finesse and experimentation to make things w o r k !

shot four wallabies last night  (barnes solid copper bullets!)  that got corralled in my vegetable garden, stayed up till 4am gutting out the testicles, pancreas's, prostates, kidneys, brains, thyroids, lungs, hearts, split the liver between myself and the cats . . the meat itself is too tough, these were big male bennett's wallabies, its a drought here at the moment and the wallabies are around in plague proportions looking for fresh tucker !

----------------------

look at the lungs and liver for signs of infestation or infection !

use latex throwaway gloves when gutting !

jon  a sk s

so does that go for pets too ?  cook the offal before you share it ?

my

r e p l y

yes, in theory, the cats here are feral so i don't bother, hydatids has been eliminated here which gives alot more freedom, what you do has a lot of depends

see what others do locally, careful inspection helps !

----------------------

there’s no prion disease here in australia and new zealand, if there is any in your country, then that rules out eating brains !

the problem with prion diseases is cooking doesn't denature the proteins, they are heat stable !

parasites die at relatively low temperatures like 65C

never eat any animal product raw !

this is what you get at the mount tremper zen monastery for  $175  for a week

“ wake up around 5, about an hour of zazen followed by religious service, breakfast, silent work ~1 hour, ~3 hours more wrk, lunch+clean-up, 3.5 hours work, dinner, ~1.5 hour zazen, lights out at 9:30.  (different lengths of breaks scattered between activities)

mostly cooking and cleaning.  chopping stuff, washing dishes, vacuuming, scrubbing, etc. ”

7 and a half hours of work a day plus waste of time religious services, 2 and a half hours of zazen, well if that's not prison what is ?

maybe four hours a day for yourself ?

well prison is generally involuntary ?

for the life of me i can't see why these places so fill your time in the ways they deem acceptable

this is where the springwater center shines, apart from work obligations your time is your own and paying guests outside sesshin don't have to do anything, they can actually be on retreat !

i remember years ago doing a zen retreat at lake   rotoiti   in the new zealand south island, staggeringly beautiful and i realised how crap it was to spend most of the day inside and not wandering about in the beautiful midsummmer weather and scenery !

too busy getting  “ enlightened ”  i  s u p p o s e !

has anyone noticed how ugly the sfzc teachers are ?

some sort of refuge ?

they  (ed.  guess who !)  both want easy street, no work on themselves and people like this can be quite aggressive about this, acting to  “spoil”  anything real by trying to cover it with their bullshit

anything  “ real ”  hits them like a hot needle, if they put the same work in looking at themselves as they put into  “ spoiling ”  they would be streets ahead, but that of course is the way of the w o r l d

all centers are about this a sort of spoiling, the hierarchies, services, beliefs are all there to overlay and undercut one's own real understanding and belief in yourself as competent  and able to work out what infinity is all about !

from a  poem  by osip mandelstam  1937

i will say it in draft, in a whisper

since the time has not come yet :

the game of the instinctive heaven

is attained through experience and sweat

and beneath a temporary sky

of purgatory we often forget

that this happy heaven’s depot

is our expending and lifetime haven

interestingly he developed his poems by  reciting  out loud which would explain the extreme difficulty of translating his poems and by how and large the translations fall well short being as they are unable to capture the full range of interweaving meanings and sonances !

lightning

arches national park

cloud to cloud, welch point, tennesse

francisco  negroni

I      II

sepehr, what i have noticed is that a lot of your approach is very  qarmatian ,  murderous vegetarian so to speak ! :o)

i love their kidnapping of the  “ black stone ” and ransoming it for a fortune and filling the well of zamzam with the bodies of prilgrims and another, what must have been an over the top massacre of 20,000 people in caravans on hajj

the qarmatian approach though was supported by huge labouring slave populations !

i'm feeling happier with the comments section of the 7th zen patriarch blog closed, the problem is the hubric time wasting  (yes you sepehr and zakaj!)  twits who are so up themselves they think nothing of wasting my time endlessly to entertain and pass the time for t h e m  .  .

people can contact me by email, but if you are one of those time wasting retards who don't agree with me at all depsite their claims to the contrary, then i would ask why they are contacting me and presumably i won't hear from them again ! ?

that is email or reddit pm’s are a natural filter that gets these turds off my back !

i was thinking in bed this morning about one or two things zakaj and sepehr have written and they were huge red flags for these people . .  i'm paying more attention to  red flags  now !

yes sepehr, i said i wouldn't mention you again but you mentioned me on jason’s blog so i feel free . .

but more importantly i will take a while to decompress the  “unenviable” experience i have had with you, could be up to four or five months jugding by how long it has taken me to get over  (work through)  my relationship break-up, man talk about red flags . .

its typical of women that my mentioning what they actually are would lead to permanent total estrangement and retaliation so of course i won't, why make life harder than necessary, again not a sentiment common to females . .  !

both sepehr and my ex, almost the whole value of the relationship was when it ended and looking back one has learnt enough to be certain of the benefit of completely forswearing that sort of thing again ! : o (

mother teresa's nobel acceptance  speech  looked like bullshit to me !

from the  “ poems of al-mutanabbi ”  a translation by a.j. arberry ,  page  5

i have become worn away like the traces of an encampment, even though i did not halt by them as a miser halts whose seal-ring has been lost in the dust

my retranslation

i have eroded like the traces of an abandoned nomad's camp

i did not halt as a skinflint who lost his seal ring in the dust would . .

the  battle  of moscow, the german army was insanely overextended and the strategic decision making done by hitler loyalists divorced from reality !

i'm starting to think i am insanely overextended !

i

can

only

blame

modern zen is a weak and distorted echo of the tang and song dynasty celibate zen !

that's why it doesn't make sense and zen centers are just basically bullshit . .

time travel,   market at jaffa ,  by gustav bauernfeind   1877

for the wealth of your eyes

my heart

has

little

to give

will

love

make

up

the

for the wealth of your eyes

my heart

has

little

to give

will

love

make

up

the

well this was an attempted retranslation of some lines by al-mutanabbi, but like alice reciting to the caterpillar, it all came out completely different except for the first line ! :o)

both translations below , the one on the left by humphrey davies and the one on the right by marilyn booth are of a quoted passage of al-mutanabbi in elias khoury’s book  “ as though she were sleeping ” 

jason   w r i t e s

leaving troubles behind,

i listen to the wind

my   rewrite

leaving troubles behind,

i listen to the wind

there’s permanent brain damage every time a person gets drunk, that one is prepared to do this to oneself is a sign of deep damage, a lack of respect for who and what one is !

in the context of  relationship ,  i think what i am saying is he doesn't respect himself, so he’s not going to respect you !

there’s permanent brain damage every time a person gets drunk, that one is prepared to do this to oneself is a sign of deep damage, a lack of respect for who and what one is !

in the context of relationship, i think what i am saying is he doesn't respect himself, so he’s not going to respect you !

there’s permanent brain damage every time a person gets drunk, that one is prepared to do this to oneself is a sign of deep damage, a lack of respect for who and what one is !

sepehr, the first and last stages of zen are increasing self-awareness, it doesn't look pretty, tawdry scarecrows and derelict articulated structures swaying about like drunk cranes  ̱   ̱   ͟    .

your confidence in yourself and views and opinions teeters away to nothing   ̱   ̱   ̱ 

in its place a solid mass of conciousness occurs ,  that of correctness  !

sepehr, the first and last stages of zen are increasing self-awareness, it doesn't look pretty, tawdry scarecrows and derelict articulated structures teetering about like drunk cranes  ̱   ̱   ͟    .

your confidence in yourself and views and opinions teeters away to nothing   ̱   ̱   ̱ 

in its place a solid mass of conciousness occurs ,  that of correctness  !

its interesting that the  buran  space shuttle  constructions  started in 1980 and chernobyl was in 1986 !

this was the reason for the failure of the soviet union, that policies were made by people highly specialised in the political arts of control and power and yet worse than incompetent for remedying issues like the deep structure safety problems with  RMBK  nuclear power station design !

the buran was very well engineered, far far better than chernobyl, if those engineers had instead been  tasked  with making  RMBK  power stations safer . .

a more than readable google   translation   of a poem by  тихон василье  (tikhon churilin)

LAST  WAY

Steppe, snow, light

Day.

All in the icy crust,

Goes to tent poet

The way the last accomplishes.

Pale, pale,

Madman Crown.

Steppe, light snow is white.

In the sky clouds evil is brewing

-  Buran.

-  The driver was drunk, my God!

Also whistles, whistling a song :

Fffyu, ffyu.

-  My father was a convert rich.

Terrible, I my son  -  the Antichrist !

-  The poet sings  - drunk ?

Blowing, howling blizzard hits.

On horseback, in a blizzard, you fool, you're going to the father,

By its end.

john dee ,  author or one of the   authors  of the voynich manuscript  !

ibrahim  balaban ,  wonderful   colourist  !

jason found a very good quote by virginia woolf  !

I hope I am not giving away professional secrets if I say that a novelist’s chief desire is to be as unconscious as possible

he has to induce in himself a state of perpetual lethargy

he wants life to proceed with the utmost quiet and regularity

he wants to see the same faces, to read the same books, to do the same things day after day, month after month, while he is writing, so that nothing may break the illusion in which he is living  —  so that nothing may disturb or disquiet the mysterious nosings about, feelings round, darts, dashes and sudden discoveries of that very shy and illusive spirit, the imagination

“ professions for women ”     [ 1931 ]

i was thinking, this woman with an idiot son was  murdered  for saying what i said  here ,  namely that  ISIS  is stuffed because it has no defence against air strikes

her execution is such an extreme thing in any culture that it really can only be explained by her hitting  ISIS  by saying something that everybody knew to be prophetic, that isis’s control of raqqa and isis itself is doomed !

alisa vox-burmistrova/алиса вокс-бурмистрова, something about her apart from the  singing  !

female  vocalist  for   leningrad

Рыба

salient teaching advice from a redditor

Other things that helped me get through my first semester were making sure I got enough sleep  (yes, 8 hours is possible) ,  eating good lunches  (leftovers for lunch!) ,  and taking a  ‘ mental health day ’  /sick day about once per month to visit friends and family and remember who I was outside of teaching.

I had times when kids  (ed.  high school)  would try to challenge my authority, and it took me a long time to figure out how to avert power struggles.

I found that by building good relationships from the start, when a kid was having a bad day it was easier to talk to them about it.

Try as much as you can to solve discipline problems inside your room instead of sending kids to the office.

Use humor and try to remember that the kids have other stuff going on outside your class  -  they could be upset about something at home and just taking it out on you.

Not all ages/schools would be okay with this but I'm a big fan of saying  ‘ go get a drink of water and come back when you're ready to learn ’ ,  as an all-purpose cooldown method if a kid is having a crisis; it allows them to take a minute to themselves and preserves their self-esteem/doesn't embarass them in front of the class, and if something serious is going on you can intercept them on the way back in to make sure it’s not going to continue.

jason  writes

yeah I'm really for exploring every angle and that involves taking in the thoughts of others, can't just rely on yourself

I've had that thought since I was young

jon  writes

Old man barking

chilling underneath this shade

I can't grow under this

When I'm drunk I feel like everything is enjoyable and I can get behind the bullshit of the masses.

When I'm sober I'm hypercritical and angry at everything and I'm like fuck you everyone.

Or I get apathetic as fuck.

my

r e p l y

when you get drunk you permanently damage the brain !

most meals i have 10 to 20ml of red wine  (cabernet sauvignon)  in the cooking, works well !

you can measure it with a medicine glass !

good poem !

the more i   read   about astrophysics and the physics of material reality, it appears to be an essentially unknowable, infinitely and beautifully complex self-intricated structure that like biology is far too sophisticated to have an overt creator and must have the appearance of covert creation that is in fact the coincidence of it being a certain type of very rare fractal that folds out into an organised, coherently interlocking framework of laws and entities that enables real existance possible !

Ленинград   —   Родная

the world’s most extreme  “ meat axe ”

honestly i have  read  nothing like it, the self preservation circuit of the brain missing ?

waiting for godot

beyond

godot

vladimir and estragon wait for godot !

a messenger arrives with the news

godot is coming !

godot arrives !

vladimir asks    “ where is   ‘ godot beyond godot ’  ? ”

godot

replies

he’s

the air shimmers and godot and the messenger disappear and the scene is now vladimir and estragon waiting for godot

the air shimmers and godot disappears and the scene is now vladimir and estragon waiting for godot

the messenger walks away

sepehr  writes

I choose to believe there is an innermost light beyond Infinity though, even if I were wrong.

my  c o m m e n t

this interestingly corresponds to an error of zen, of course these idiots have no comprehension of infinity, thinking they have, they then suppose that there is something beyond it !

it’s an ill wind that blows no good  !

it’s a good wind that blows no ill  !

it’s an ill wind that blows no good  !

it’s a good wind that blows no ill  !

it’s an ill wind that blows no good  !

it’s a good wind that blows no ill  !

it’s an ill wind that blows no good !

it’s a good wind that blows no ill !

it’s an illwind that blows no good !

it’s a good wind that blows no ill !

it’s an illwind that blows no good

it’s a good wind that blows no ill

  withholding  information is in women’s DNA !

a whole chromosome silenced !

: o (

withholding information is in women’s DNA !

a whole chromosome silenced !

withholding information is in women’s DNA

a whole chromosome silenced

withholding information is in women’s DNA

a whole  X  chromosome silenced

the manic sexuality of  r/theredpill  is not quite my  “ cup of tea ”

it drives them to develop a good understanding of the female pysche and that’s what that subreddit and philosophy is good for, but there is certainly a blindness involved in the contradiction of men focused on using women as sexual machines and then discarding them if they become inconvenient, but these men all the same want children . .

MGTOW  is more what i am ,  not that need  . .

a question from r/mgtow

any  50+ yr old  MGTOWs want to share their experiences being single ?

my

r e p l y

i'm in my late fifties, imo its all about health, what you could take for granted when younger can no longer be taken for granted !

i'm in good health and no woman my age will be in anything my health . .

one really has to be intelligent about   diet

keep well clear of blood sugar problems

there’s lots of tricks, like the occasional blood donation . .

a big mistake i see a lot of young people making is joints being damaged by excessive exercise . .

mobility as is s o o  i m p o r t a n t  a s y o u g e t o l d er  . .

MGTOW sorta enforces itself post  50  because of all the health and cognitive problems women get post   “ the half century ”

everybody going to seed, you need to have put in the groundwork to delay that process !

the damanhur underground temple ,  the kitschy visions of oberto airaudi ?

is it a cathedral ?  these places are really just installation art and to be honest cathedral art is very kitschy, what gives them grandeur is the scale !

the damanhur underground  temple ,  a kitschy vision of oberto airaudi ?

is it a cathedral ?  these places are really just installation art and to be honest cathedral art is very kitschy, what gives them grandeur is the scale !

xyz   asks

a girl was telling me  ‘ i'm a catch ’

first of all i thought that was a manly phrase

do you think she means i'm a catch for her or for someone else ?

my

r e p l y

it wasn't jesus that was the  “ fishers ”  of men but women !

women are extremely self focused and have nothing but their own biological imperatives expressed

men can be objective through  “ disinterest ” , women cannot !

my advice is to look at the red flags, she must be damaged for sure !

xyz  replies

she is most definitely

this is the girl who said i was acting like a girl last year

yeah i was hanging out with her last night and i was telling her i didn't want to get married,

and then i was saying that all she really cares  about  is her future kids and she ended up agreeing

there’s a bunch of red flags

confused by this

and this

i keep thinking about how you told me to stay away from women, it’s too true that they're trouble

my

r e p l y

men are fish to to be caught and eaten for women !

i'm not offering any advice as to whether to get into a relationship or not, all i would do is encourage awareness of what the biological game is about and develop discernment about what the woman is really like, get a sense of red flags and think ahead to a likely outcome of supporting her and your children with her and whether you can manage that without coming  apart  !

the biggest problem with two damaged partners is the burden is too much for both, but even so one partner can be forced to provide much more support than the other  because of necessity and inclination in the situation and the increased burden just tips the balance towards self destruction !

jason  asks

what is it i say/do that makes you think i want to join a monastery ?

my

r e p l y

well what you want is an income and to be looked after and just think and things, not wrong in itself, but not something the world delivers readily on !

the catholic church could have enabled you to do that once, but basically its all collapsing, zen is also having a hard time, only centers with a lot of investments like the rochester zen center are doing ok financially !

i think john of the cross put himself out too much for others !

sometimes i wonder if i do that !

i think john of the cross put himself out too much for others !

sepehr, the notion of  “ death ”  requires a belief or context of the world continuing, from the viewpoint of infinity that is just an illusion of a series of coincidences !

sepehr ,  contemplative work is a skill like picking a lock, you almost accidentally open the door, its a total surprise, infinity is revealed and you work on that for the rest of your life, there is nothing beyond infinity . . you are really bridling at my  (in zen terms)  “ not approving ”  of you, you think that understanding is compatible with your current life, well its not

i really don't want to say this because i don't want to interfere in your life, not that you will listen anyway but you went backwards when you got married

it maybe that married life suits you like zakaj . .

in which case just leave attempting to understand what i write about because it is only tangling you more and live a more conventional married life and focus on income etc and doing things that you think improve the state of the world since in your case you are anti-natal !

work on income and go scuba diving around the world and setting up permaculture in vietnam . . there’s plenty to do that’s of interest !

contemplative work which is to start to open the door frightens you and you react against it, that really should tell you something, it would take many years of celibate life and intense inquiry to get past that . .

life doesn't have to be misery and pain, you really are not thinking about what would be practically fulfilling for you . . !

at boarding school we had a golf course, i used to potter about on it, i was never very good, i knew that because there was a boy in our year who was very good, i could have spent all my life on golf and the best i would have ever got is a good amateur . .  that’s your situation, involved in what freaks out when you get too close . .

do something else . .

a good   recitation   by shane bernard of banjo patterson’s poem  “ mongrel gray ”  obviously shaped from his time in the channel country !

writing a poem i think ,  is like putting a bit of your brain on paper ! :o()

writing a poem i think ,  is like putting a bit of your brain on paper !

writing a poem i think ,  is like putting a bit of your brain on paper

writing a poem i think, is like putting a bit of your brain on paper ! :o()

writing a poem i think, is like putting a bit of your brain on paper !

writing a poem i think, is like putting a bit of your brain on paper

writing a poem i think, is a bit like putting a bit of your brain on paper ! :o()

writing a poem i think, is a bit like putting a bit of your brain on paper !

writing a poem i think, is a bit like putting a bit of your brain on paper

i was just thinking how profound a thing writing and books are because you can see into the minds of others in past ages   ! 

i was just thinking how profound a thing writing and books are because you can see into the minds of others in past ages  !

i was just thinking how profound a thing writing and books are because you can see into the minds of others in past ages  !

i was just thinking how profound a thing writing and books are because you can see into the minds of others in past ages !

i was just thinking how profound a thing writing and books are because you can see into the minds of others in past ages

i was just thinking howprofound athing writing and books are because you can see into the minds of others in past ages

you are handling  xyz  ok ,  he’s making you think ,  that way he’s working for you and not you him !

you are handling  xyz  ok, he’s making you think, that way he’s working for you and not you him !

in my use of the various web forums and message boards, because i do not live in the usa, well known for its heft of murderous psychos, i can be abrasive and upsetting without being placed in physical danger ,  i would have been much more cautious had i lived in the usa where people are only a day or two’s drive from each other at the most !

actually i did seriously upset some mothers here in australia who were chelating their children with some critical comments i made on a message board

chelation  is another schizophrenic phantasy . .

an imagined quick fix for a complex problem . .

but getting back to the u.s.a. ,  it has an armed population basically, that is not the situation in australia, new zealand and the uk . . it makes a big difference !

it always impressed me that when staying at the springwater center in upstate new york, i was told that a woman had pulled out a pistol and threatened to shoot toni packer during a private interview during a retreat, that sort of thing can go both ways, very fortunately for both parties no shot was fired, but it could have been . .

that was information i took on board and was a factor in me keeping out of the  “ spiritual circuit ”  since i always go through the extremes of anything i do . .

the net and not living in the usa has suited in some respects, the nearest i have had is an absurd death threat, some idiot in florida was going to snipe at me from the hills around here with depleted uranium bullets for my banning him from the who_knows health message  board  for ,  ‘ wait for it ’  making death threats to other board members !

he had a photo on the web of himself waving a pistol, i wasn't really concerned, he had a girlfriend and a child by a different woman ,  quite a bit to lose, however i tracked down where he lived and the nearest police station but never took it any further !

on the positive side he started on houston enzymes and they helped him !

lol, hullo michael ! :o)

when you confront schizophrenics with what they can't ignore and their brains start to take them where they don't want to go, violence is always a possibility !

fortunately people have difficulty understanding what  i  w r i t e ! : o )

jason w r i t e s

my grandfather almost starved as a child when he was left way out in pasture, when they found him he was so starved he couldn't move on his own

for the rest of his life he had trouble eating certain things and had problems with ulcers

my

r e p l y

yeah i was accidentally starved as a baby too !

my mother later fed me lamb brains tho, must have left a mark, had some wallaby brains yesterday, think better with them ! :o) !

dreamt a bit last night, no dreams of hopping or lush grass though ! :o)

to read the old testament and apocrypha is to induct a reasonable degree of literary sophistication, that sophistication is the end of blind religious belief !

i have noticed with both s. and z. ,  there’s some sort of block like they can't go into an interior space and be self aware !

i wonder if its actually like that for most people, no experience with it and lacking the mental resources, steps down that ladder provoke overwhelming fear !

anyway glad to have closed down the comments on the 7th zen patriarch blog and be rid of their obtuse and ill-informed nonsense !

if either of you are reading this please be honest that you really had a low opinion of me and what i say . .  since i am so wrong, go somewhere else or will you continue to read my pages ! ?

just have a think and work it out, what is going on with you ?

i noticed with the videos of u.g. krishnamurti, there were guys that hung around with him for twenty years, maybe longer ?  but not word of what he was saying ever sunk in ,  20  years later they still completely disagreed with him . .

what the f uc k goes on withthese people ?

ok, i'm not going to mention either of you directly again, hopefully this is the end of our contact !

john of the cross is another  “ spiritual ”    life  with some really fucked up stuff in it, he was kidnapped for nine months by his old monastic order and pretty well starved i think, his health may never have recovered, anyway he eventually escaped by sewing some fabric stips together and using them as a rope to climb down from the floor of his cell, the fabric didn't go all the way and he had to drop and was knocked unconscious  .  .  .

autistic   women like lorianne disabato often lose their hormones early and the brain really goes .  .  your  post  is much more fluid and real than her   OP ,  she is just running on templates  .  .

that’s a real female trick, running on templates, been fooled more than a few times, but once you latch onto it, you get predictive power because they just run the same templates again and again, which in my case usually involves me being treated like some useless arsehole to  f o o l  .  .

sex ,  defecation ,  unrequited passion ,  pompeii   graffiti  !

the red  terror  was so severe that it laid the groundwork of organizational fear enabling the survival of the soviet system until it fell apart !

viruses are mostly  destroyed ,  not outside of ,  but in the cells they invade by proteasomes triggered by antibodies that attach to the virus before it enters the cell !

the video is excellent !

i have given up on some people’s behaviour and the comments section of the 7th zen patriarch  blog  is now permanently closed, relevant links and writing of interest will continue to be posted !

i don't think censoring individuals works, for one thing it is time consuming and for another reality doesn't cleave simply into  ‘right’  and  ‘wrong’  people at all ,  the root issue is the level of work and deconstruction by me required to set some very wrong minded viewpoints and individuals right . .

and of course they can't be set right, words and phrases like  treachery ,  passive aggressive  and  freeloading  come to mind . .

the hubric have no notion or sensitivity to burdens they impose to be carried by others . .

hunting is about getting close to the animal rather than super accurate shooting !

with relationship break-ups my view is if it hasn't worked once, it won't work again ! :o)(

the big problem of the net is getting too involved in other peoples lives ,  people who are completely peripheral to you !

the big benefit is you learn a lot that you otherwise wouldn't but it comes at a hell of a price !

i wish there was a balance, but there doesn't seem to be, roll on syria and ptsd ! :o(

sepehr,  your lack of real life observation and lack of in depth reading just leaves you making fucked in the head stupid  posts

read up on emily dickinson’s love life for christ’s sake !

you're a buddhist, go and puke your nonsense on their message boards !

as my ex’s ex said ,  “ they're all bitches ”

every now and then you get depressed enough to write something worthwhile like that  poem ,  otherwise you just blab half worked out abstract nonsense like it means something, on balance i would rather not hear from you again !

read the terms of posting here

“ people coming on here and bossing me around like they know better are giving me ptsd, if you don't think i know what i am on about just do not post ! ”

you give me ptsd, do us both a favour and f u c k  o f f

----------------------

sepehr, you really have a life issue in not listening, i am asking you to leave the board and not make contact with me again ever !

read and think and for once in your life drop your self centered narcissism and show some consideration !

permanent moderation will mean no posts passed at all !

----------------------

sepehr, the problem is that you post a lot of half worked out stuff and to run the board successfully, i have to deconstruct it which takes quite a bit of work, your last several posts show this in spades

you are married and you are taking advantage of me !

so i'm going to close the comments section completely and permanently !

i always found it very telling you won't open your own blog !

the closure is not just because of you, i am sure zakaj will be back and if not you two, then others dead set on wasting my time to entertain themselves !

so thank you for being so extreme you make me go to where i need to be rather than drifting on forever !

nothing personal, you've had a good run out of me, occasionally you write very good stuff, i really think you should set up a blog, but my life has other priorities so let’s call it a day ! :o)

i was out at 2am in the garden last night preparing to butcher a wallaby and saw for the first time in many years a young tasmanian devil, racing around, not very wary of me at all ! :o)

looked this morning at the wallaby carcass, it was big bennet so very tough, the cats had a bit of a chew, but not touched by a devil at all !

i am really getting very wary of anyone in a  “couples situation” , 

some sort of murderous machine i always end up on the wrong end of !

dave, zephyr and zakaj are in relationships/married, if there’s one thing i am learning it is couples screw single people over royally, am getting very wary ! :o(

they just fuck you around trying to get what they can and screw you up, pretty well the only people in that situation who won't are your parents !

it suddenly occurred to me  (like a flash of lightning actually)  how relationship breakups often have an asymmetery, one of the parties is essentially coming out of the relationship as single and the other is already in another relationship though this may not be known to the first party

the lone soul not in a relationship has a natural magnanimity that comes with the territory .

the other party in its new relationship is in a new dynamic and then screws its  “ in the process of becoming ex ”  partner over

its a natural mechanism and suddenly i am becoming very wary of dealing with people in relationship, they just seem to naturally screw single people over

unfair but guess what breeds ?

all the moil and toil of a relationship break-up ,  “ hardline stances ”  ,  “ matters of principle ” ,  how does it end up ?

islam/ISIS is basically a pre modernity paradigm wrecked in a post modernity world !

islam/ISIS is basically a pre modernity paradigm wrecked in a post modernity world

islam is basically a pre modernity paradigm wrecked in a post modernity world !

islam is basically a pre modernity paradigm wrecked in a post modernity world

i was thinking how stupid the ISIS was/is and inevitably doomed, the root issue is that they have adopted the expansionist islamic paradigm, very successful throughout its history until modernity

but it was originally formulated in the complete absence of air power

“ expansionist islam ”  offers the ready raising of armies, complete control of local populations and even a hierarchical governmental and military leadership competence at its best, but air power defeats all that because of its ability to geographically intrude at will !

it makes the battlefront the whole territory, not just some line of engagement where in front is the enemy’s to be gained and behind is yours to be defended, drones especially amplify the trend !

the strength of islam is complete social control and enough military unity, but these do not avail against an enemy able to intrude and pick targets at will in territory you hold !

in short islam is anti-modernity ,  yet now we have the fact of modernity with its high technological weapons competence and limited social control !

the false idea of the big bang has completely screwed up philosophy, metaphysics and mysticism

this because at the point of nothing where the big bang came into existance, you would have a unity of nothing and matter or equivalently the unity of metaphysics and physics

that is, there was a singlarity encompassing metaphysics/mysticsm and physics/matter

this deeply flawed idea permeates modern spirtuality fouling all that comes into contact with it, any of this pantheistic  “in the moment”  bullshit all is dependent of this supposed identity

in fact the  origin  of the universe is not a singularity but some sort of very dense parallelism and black holes are looking to be the same, very contracted parallels and not singularities . .

and those will be thy best friends, not to whom thou hast done good, but who have done good to you

a quote from   tacitus

people don't seem to understand that the publishing business has collapsed, there are some exceptions but those books are very commercial products, skillfully tailored to a niche interest !

jason  w r i t e s

your writing has been inspiring these last couple of days

the egyptian portraits are very interesting, and so were the victorian portraits, the lengths to which the human race goes for something unrecoverable

my

r e p l y

i wonder if they are undisguised illustrations of where the human race and people are really at, perpetuating itself and themselves . .

maybe religion is just photography of the dead, the devotees, parishoners, adherents whatever and of course religion itself cycling through the ages changing form but never intent and deception !

i'm sorta saying more what i think now, i have always thought  “ the right way ”  but it is such an anathema to the social moronacy of humans that reactions have been so negative that i had been socially conditioned not to accept it !

that’s a good  post  by lorianne , childless women and their pets ! : o(

well a husband is a sort of a pet isn't it, you have taken a wrong turning ! : o (

well a husband is a sort of a pet isn't it , you have taken a wrong turning ! : o(

well a husband is a sort of a pet isn't it , you have taken a wrong turning ! :o(

well a husband is a sort of a pet isn't it , you have taken a wrong turning ! :o)

well a husband is a sort of a pet isn't it, you have taken a wrong turning ! :o)

did buddha exist historically, did jesus exist historically, did muhammad exist historically ?

or are they fictitious characters who are unreal amalgams of characteristics that cannot exist together in one person because the metals won't join ?

 1912   mark  you  !

iphones now ! :o)

the animation style of monty python was actually stolen by terry  gilliam  from the czechoslovakian  film  director jan švankmajer !

another illusion destroyed, so little originalityin thisworld when it comes to anything commercial !

i t s u c k s t h e g r e a t m a s s o f m o n e y s p e n d i n g m o r o n s o n l y w h a t t h e y c a n h a n d l e ! :  o  (

to be fair terry gilliam’s art drew from a number of  sources  and his film  brazil  is one of the greats !

its interesting with you tube to come across all the old central european truely artistic and not commercial cinemaographic material that has been  censored  out of the western viewing experience by simply being  “not commerical”  or convicted of making people think ! : o(

to my credit i have not watched star wars  7 ,  yes deprive those arseholes of few dollars ! :o)

sometimes you feel you have been stretched too far . . too far

sometimes you can feel you have been stretched too far . . too far

sometimes you feel you have been stretched too far . . too far .

sometimes you can feel you have been stretched too far . . too far .

sometimes you feel you have been stretched too far . . to far

sometimes you can feel you have been stretched too far . . to far

sometimes you feel you have been stretched too far . . to far .

sometimes you can feel you have been stretched too far . . to far .

interesting, the  migration  out of africa !

sepehr ,  you keep deleting your best posts !

----------------------

sepehr  writes

I keep turning the   stone  over and finding nothing  .  .  .   just another reason to turn it over again.  I don't want my wife or cats to suffer, but I am too weary to place my self-worth in them.  It’s like turning the rock over and just finding another note telling you to turn it over, hoping to find something substantial

I'm fine with having no self-worth, and I honestly want to just be forgotten as my body dissolves into the black pond.  It’s what happens to us all anyway, a fading dream into a black obsidian

“ Nothing other than suffering arises, nothing other than suffering ceases ”   -  that verse is why I became a Buddhist.

----------------------

that’s a good post and usefully honest !

buddhism says there is nothing, 7th patriarch zen says the black obsidian is liquid and a wormhole to infinity you just have to find it and recognise it so later it is always there for you  which it is if you take the time out  . .

sepehr  replies to my question  ( but what actually are you doing ? )  in response to his comment   “ I have received a lot of solitary contemplation time and still do ”

I agree, I need to do more Shikantaza and start writing more  *consistently*

my

r e p l y

i'm just going to try and explain the problem of  “ shikantaza ”  or contemplative time and this is from my own experience, that a little can be dangerous and malproductive and really it takes quite a bit to get into productive territory

so last night i was thinking about contacting my ex who i have not communicated with for several months and getting a few clarifications on things, i was getting all worked up for say an hour and a half, then i suddenly thought why bother, just hassle and i wouldn't necessarily get a straight answer at all..

i am pursuing some image of non distance, but the reality is she is distanced and was never easy to deal with at the best of times  .  .

i will just let the few practical issues drive the contact and basically the less the better and i need to get on with other things

there were plenty of red flags in the relationship and i lacked the judgement and experience to call it a day much earlier and i was fooled by her to her benefit, i can't criticize someone acting in their own interests and since i lacked the experience and judgement then i was going to get burnt until i learnt anyway !

i wish i learnt some other way, but i never seem to, though the r/theredpill and r/exnoconact have been a big help to me !

in the end the outcome has suited both of us, what can i do about the damage and pain . .  ?

nothing !

so there were two phases to working this out, the first hour and a half which would have just lead to more real world problematics, and the second hour or so carrying on to now as i process it a bit further is the real  “ cooking with gas ”

the same issue with shikantaza is getting into that second phase, the first doesn't really work except for laying the groundwork for the second phase

in relationship and  “ married with kids ”  you are only ever going to get part way through the first phase . .

do you see what i am saying ?

the reality of relationship is you need to have a partner/wife communicating usefully to you and real life dealings also to compensate for being stuck in early  stage one  of shikantaza

both you and zakaj seem not to have this communication with your spouses, maybe they are of limited use, i don't know, maybe you and zakaj are not useful either, but the halfway house you show here is some sort of non functional derelict and imo your priorities and life emphasis need looking at

you are married men, but acting on this board like celibates, the reality is one day you may both be raising children despite your anti-natalism

the   poem  was good, but the rest of the superstructure you seem to walk around with . . .

my perspective which is from most of my life celibate and will be for the rest is perhaps damagingly sophisticated for what your lives are, that is in relationship and possibly to progress to having a family for which a sort of blindness is best

jason quoted a poem by tu fu, you just have to look at tu fu’s life to see the problems . .

dylan thomas, osip mandelstam, anna akhmatova and   marina tsvetaeva  too  . .

in the end there is really no context in which you say can events in a life are right or wrong . .

sepehr  w r i t e s

What you consider a reverie of Infinity

I consider it something to be disposed

by  ME

my

r e p l y

that’s just like zakaj, you project something on to me, honestly both of you write very long posts saying my view is this or that, that is purely your own projection !

i have been having a think, your problem always comes back to a lack of contemplative time, you are scared to do it . .

because that time takes you back to look at your a priori assumptions like reincarnation, vegetarianism, your ubermensch persian historical/racial supremacism and anti-natalism, foundations of your  l i f e . .

its only through deconstruction of the a priori and its presuppositions that you can move forward in a coherent way . .

sepehr  w r i t e s

My fist shaking to the heavens

dreams of my childhood town

bullies and snakes

why bring more children into this world of nightmare ?

sepehr  w r i t e s

spelled cuckhold wrong . . .  meant to say cuckold

my  r e p l y

sepehr, when it happens ,  it doesn't matter how it’s spelt ! :o(

jason w r i t e s

yeah jesus first of all probably didn't exist, and if he did he wouldn't have lived for very long because he would have been assassinated, or executed, so it’s sort of ridiculous to think that poets/saints lived carefree lives

my

r e p l y

you only have to read any great poet’s life to know how screwed up things get, tu fu for instance !

that’s a good    poem   of his btw  (  “ separation by death ”  ) ,  thanx, had to read it several times to understand it, but it always takes me several passes !

there’s no such thing as a saint, its simply a PR version of very uneven lives, mother teresa for instance who was really screwed up in more than one respect, like catherine of siena !

mani is a good instance of what happens to the founders of real life religions, not a pleasant fate !

jesus and buddha are two spewing comic book fakes they don't exist thank god or our world would be a comic book !

uh oh ! :o(

you won't take the short cut, so you will take the long cut, one way or another  !

complete hubris, successful men  congratulating  themselves ! :o (

its actually very well done, two intelligent men talking about how they see and deal with the world !

complete hubris, successful men congratulating themselves ! :o (

you ask why I live in the highland forest

I smile, and have no reply,

my soul remains undisturbed :

it lives in the other world

which no one owns.

the peach trees blossom

the water purls

 li bai    aka  li po

hmm, red pine aka bill porter theorizes that  “ cold mountain ”   (han shan)  was involved in the staggeringly bloody an lu-shan rebellion and presumably on its failure decide to lie low for many years as a hermit

it does fit, he was obviously had a very sophisticated education and his poetry is full of literary allusions, upper class and no doubt like sir henry neville, completely at sea in the realities of politics and rebellions ! :o)

bill porter’s translation is very effectively   commented

from page  265  of the  epistle  of forgiveness by abul al-ma'arri

if poetry could be exhausted, then it would already have been so

by the collected water in your cisterns, in past times

rather it is the rainfall of the mind :  some clouds

may vanish, only followed by more clouds

my

r e translation

if poetry could be exhausted, then it would already have been so

by the collected water in your cisterns, in past times

rather it is the rainfall of infinity

clouds appear

and

disappear

Cold Mountain & Big Stick :   “ If you don't polish a brass mirror, how can it reflect anything ? ”

my

r e p l y

zakaj   w r i t e s

that’s why I'm not following andrew anymore and I ditched buddhism, because its basic stance that one has to live in a certain way  (vegetarianism, celibacy . . . )  limits liberation to a specific  “ lifestyle ”

if it’s unlimited, it cannot be limited to diet or lifestyle.  these things are not capable of being obstacles to his grace

my

r e p l y

don't be so hard on buddhism zakaj ,  just like your  sanskrit  retardation it has a hidden agenda of sex and young women for guru’s !

glad you got to the point of starting to be consistent to your actual beliefs ! :o)

you really should deal more in real life with the crap artists you worship and you will see the r e a l i t y

puking idiocy

god how people  waste  their lives

the spewing disciple and retarded master

it

makes you sick

shahab ahmed died of luekemeia  b  t   w

i think age islike a beach that has lost its sand, none of the illusionof comfort to walk onit anymore, just exposedrockbed . .

i think age is like a beach that has lost its sand, none of the illusion of comfort to walk on it anymore, just exposedrockbed . .

i think age is like a beach that has lost its sand, none of the illusion of comfort to walk on it anymore, just exposed rockbed . .

sepehr  a s k s

what’s your opinion on  r/antinatalism   ?

my

r e p l y

i guess monasticism is inherently anti-natal

maybe k-g-n is a good illustration, he was anti-natal, but his wife wanted a child and she is due in a month, that’s the reality of it, whether the woman wants a child, most do, but some really don't !

i am really autistic and for all my faults had the sense and luck to keep clear of relationships in my breeding years and am very happy to be by myself and celibate again after a recent relationship breakup !

my  ‘ most of life celibacy ’  was preserved by potential partners perceiving i was too damaged, unfortunately now i notice in terms of younger generations there are so many very damaged women around without that sense of avoidance !

so i was never conciously anti-natal in my younger days, celibacy is a step further back where you don't have to address the issue of anti-natalism, tho i think post  50  i conciously avoided any prospect likely to make me a father !

in a relationship from the male point of view if the woman wants a child she can force it on you or if she seeks your agreement then most likely you will be faced with the issue of breaking up which is what k-g-n faced and he backed down and will soon be a father !

what i notice from a zen or mystical point of view over the years is the most vociferous bullshit has come from men who have gone on the be fathers or have more children and they are now thankfully focused on what has real meaning to them . .

however childlessness is no guarantor of any real mystical understanding at all as the hardcore zen blog and r/zen show, interestingly i think brad warner has a daughter, maybe somewhat estranged . . ?

i think my postion is simple, i can scarcely function by myself and cannot support another let alone children, being in pain for a lot of my life from migraine really blights things, perhaps the suicide of two fathers of some young friends in my earlier days had a big impact in my avoidance of being put into too stressful a situation ! ?

that is the approach i would take rather than an anti-natal philosophical view

at this point in my life looking back i think i would have been more deliberately celibate  (rather than unconciously)  when i was younger !

the problem with relationships in terms of mystical understanding is the gaslighting, you just can't get around it, its part of the evolutionary design to facilitate breeding, but i do think men are more suited to celibacy than women, i'm not even sure its a valid concept for women . .

i notice  r/theredpill  is very negative on single mothers

there are a number of factors but i think men have a limited understanding of the essential priority women give to their children compared to what they give to partners/spouses

their world is their childrencentric and everything else is some sort of  tool  to facilitate that !

in the context of zen and celibacy, if you are to be/remain childless all your life you really need to work out  ‘ ultimate reality ’  to the degree you have confidence in and can see how life really is . .

pretending to have done so won't cure the deep cleavage of inadequacy you feel at being childless . .

i notice on  r/childfree  they are very oppositional to children, i think that with a real understanding of the world you will just go with the flow and accept your reduced status without being fooled by it !

my reply to the askreddit  “ What Are You  Banned  From and Why ? ”

the problem with moderators on the web is you have to be highly motivated to become one because of the work and hassle and what seems to motivate these people is removing content that makes them think or offends their rigid and culturally naive sensibilities

like so often in life the people of sense pass control to those least suited to handle it !

i have been banned from hundreds of places and now i just read and minimally post, let them work for me and not me for them if you understand what i am saying . . !

one of my most eye opening experiences was posting something about prosecutors becoming hubric and developing judgment problems because of the power they had and i accumulated 40 downvotes on my reply to a not too contentious OP on a legal advice board !

that along with getting banned from r/askdocs for telling a doctor who specialised in skin cancer that he was wrong about melanoma not potentially being raised, apparently all his career he had never bothered about diagnosing skin cancers and just relied on pathology reports !

so basically any web forum , message board or subreddit is hostile by virtue of the incompetent nits who take moderation control, you just have to realize that you are in some sort of net equivalent of syria and be cautious !

EXHAUSTED

i go through

the

day

exhausted

and

the

night

exhausted

i

am

religion is the inversion of the intention of effect

from intending to be better

falsity instead of truth

and

obstruction and projection

religion is the inversion of the intention of effect

from intending to be better

falsity instead of truth

and

obstruction and projection

instead of

h u m i l i t y

religion is the inversion of the intention of effect

from intending to be better

falsity instead of truth

and

obstruction and projection

instead of

h

u

m

i

l

i

t

y

religion is the inversion of the intention of effect

from intending to be better

the tunnels of baiae, an ancient roman underground amusement park, you went across the river styx and came out the other side !

actually when i look at the world’s best poems ,  ‘ lorelei ’  by syliva plath,  ‘ ode to the west wind ’  by percy bysshe shelley and  ‘ the sea shell ’  by osip mandelstam

they all died in tragic circumstances, suicide, execution and possibly murder in shelley’s case as piracy gone wrong can't be ruled out

be careful what you wish f o r . .

to that list must be added  ‘ ode on a grecian urn ’  by john keats, who may have really died from the  “medicinal”  mercury  he took for syphilis

actually when i look at the world’s best poems ,  ‘ lorelei ’  by syliva plath,  ‘ ode to the west wind ’  by percy bysshe shelley and  ‘ the sea shell ’  by osip mandelstam

they all died in tragic circumstances, suicide, execution and possibly murder in shelley’s case as piracy gone wrong can't be ruled out

be careful what you wish f o r . .

sepehr  a s k s

let’s say, I wrote the best poem ever.  if there was no money to make off of it, during my lifetime, why should I share it with others ?

my

r e p l y

i shook the trees of knowledge.  ah !  the fruit

was fair upon the bleakness of the soil

i filled a hundred vessels with my spoil

and then i rested from the grand pursuit

alas !   i took me servants :   i was proud

of prose and of the neat, the cunning rhyme

but all their inclination was the crime

of scattering my treasure to the crowd

so of course 1000 years later we take his treasure with no return to him !

i think with writing you have to take the return when you write it and that’s about all there is . .

writing  =  speaking with memory   ! 

writing  =  speaking with memory  !

writing  =  speaking with memory !

writing  =  speaking with memory !

writing  =  speaking with memory

for those who object to writing !

writing is speaking and you don't object to speaking or listening ?

so writing is just speaking and listening with memory, once you have memory you can reinforce and work stuff over actually thousands of years but you know even a week to a month is probably more the target area ! :o)

this is what is really crazy about zen, what we know of it comes from records of conversations and talks, there is an intrinsic distortion in records of that nature since censorship and bias by the recorders often downgrades the real sense, that’s why hakuin and dogen sound a bit different as we deal more directly with what they write and are less susceptible to hagiography because of this, like for instance if you read a lot of what dogen wrote he’s a first class looney and browbeating stupid which must explain the cock sucking reverance he is held in !

but meiji zen converts a written tradition into an oral social control hierarchy where zen is not self-taught but supposedly the gift of some  “in spades”  moron you have to go for interview with and this person is the determiner of your  “attainment’

well all one can do is be amazed at the stupidity of people! . .  !

more and more i am realising how distorted the zen records are, you express yourself in plain english and no-one wants to know, you know the real source material that the records are some sort of bad mirror of, but if you write and speak bologna bullshit with voynich sauce, the human fuckwits so full of their own pretensions and hubris just lap it up ! :o( )

jonathon   a s k s

 . . or do these poems give you mini visions that allow you to see a similar or even the same image of that which is written ?

my

r e p l y

the intensification of the jewel lights is how rumi put it !

to deal with the real world you have to  “ understand ” ,  spontaneous insight is essential but you need to garner the experience of others who have a grasp of this matter and since they are very few over the whole of history the only way you can know and listen to them is by reading !

merle travis  performs   “ lost john ”

jason  w r i t e s

my friends are the ones who do xanax, they were arguing why they would take vitamins when xanax could get rid of their anxiety

it turns them into a low functioning form of themselves like a zombie

I'm still doing dumb crap, only when my  ‘friends’  are home, like now

I justify my bad behavior by thinking of Charles Bukowski, but he led an unhealthy life from a physical point of view

my

r e p l y

you've outgrown them, they will only drag you back !

charles bukowski realized that and ditched them !

males have a tendency to form these toxic  “clubs” 

you have to move on !

jason  w r i t e s

I'm still doing dumb crap, only when my  ‘friends’  are home, like now

my

r e p l y

you've outgrown them, they will only drag you back !

charles bukowski realized that and ditched them !

males have a tendency to form these toxic  “clubs” 

you have to move on !

my life, looking back

my life, looking back

my life, looking back

empty cadences

with a relationship break-up, your feelings are not going to track you well through it, you have to go to a logical space !

with relationship break-ups, your feelings are not going to track you well through it, you have to go to a logical space !

we are not tractable below a certain threshold of change, so where there is too great a dissimilarity of viewpoint, you are going to get conflict !

we are not tractable below a certain threshold of change, so where there is too great a dissimilarity of viewpoint, you are going to get conflict

lorianne disabato  writes

Family and friends know our so-called Christmas cards usually arrive around New Year’s, and those aforementioned wall calendars typically arrive sometime in January

my

r e p l y

my personal philosophy broke years ago and i never been able to reassemble it ! :o)(

canadian supplement restrictions suck ,  they worship doctors arseholes there !

canadian supplement restrictions suck, they worship doctors arseholes there !

kogen  writes

 . . . years later, I feel a bit subdued as form, sensation, perception, impulse, and thought tag everything, beckoning some purchase for the price of belief.  I'm  home ,  but a home leaver.  people wonder when I'll move back and being a home leaver means being ready to leave home again and again, which could mean coming back

how will I actually engage all this not knowing ?

my

r e p l y

a couple always carry home with them !

the tang and song dynasty zen was celibate, its a different perspective as you know well, this meiji zen product that is dominant in the western world is not zen at all imo !

however, what you describe is always the case , family attitudes are a bit difficult to take and i think that there is a bitterness that is not escapable !

----------------------

i think what you describe is always the case , family attitudes are a bit difficult to take and there is a bitterness that is not escapable !

i find a very small amount of cabernet sauvignon, say 20 ml from a cask added to cooking helps promote  GABA

homilies by     jason

going to the park by myself, that’s better than any church service !

no one wants to hear any sort of truth

my friends commented how in shape i was playing soccer the other night, i hardly noticed how much i was running, these vitamins and this  diet  aren't for nothing !

half a ghost, you're there but i don't really see you

i had some bread stuff yesterday, i feel like my thinking is slower

i feel like there are a lot of posers in this world, it really gets me confused

my last boss was in a rage one day, i walked in a bit late and he screamed  “ you are an actor and a pretender ! ”

it bothered me for a while, because i thought he might've been right, recently i figured that the pretender was really him !

quit the same day