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It is curious, the closer I get to God, the further away I feel. in the beginning
I felt so close, but now I feel like I am completely
worthless of His love.
We have decided to bring Baba
Ji to our home, we are not sure of how, or when, or even where we will will put Him, when He comes, so I guess it would be
more accurate to say we want to.
One problem is we can't decide whether to bring the old fashioned, or modern scripture.
I
was plowing my field, rehearsing going over and over in my mind, what to say, who to tell how, to say it. Actually I
hadn't really
discussed this with any one, not my wife or Bibi Ji, or even Sat Kartar Singh.
But every morning
in my prayers, I begged Baba ji to come. It was He, more than anyone, I was talking to now. "Baba Ji, please help
us to find the proper respectful place for you. I don't know how we will even read your Holy Gurbani, with your help
only. I just know that I am longing for you, I feel so far away. I know you are in every part of your creation,
but having Your Word in our home, surely that will bring us closer."
When I reached home in the evening, there
was excitement in the air. "Sat Kartar Singh has sent word that a Sant will be visiting his home and we are to come right
away." my wife said excitedly.
"Right away then", I answered tiredly, and went for the bath.
I wondered to my
self, "What is it that makes One a Sant. Can He perform miracles?" Isupposed I was soon to find out.
By the time
we reached the house, Keertan was in full swing. It could be heard even before we came in sight of the house. It looked as
though there would be no where to sit inside, shoes were scattered every where.
Bibi ji without saying anything, bent
over and started arranging them in neat pairs and neat rows. I noticed that she wiped each one with the end of her chuni.
I was a littlesurprised, but didn't say anything. I wondered wahethough.
Inside just as I suspected, there was no
place at all to sit. We were just able to get through to bow before Guru Sahib, the women disappeared into the langer.
I
found a place near the back of the room, with a view of the Sant and sat down to study Him. He didn't look unusual.
That was in his favor I decided, better than the flashy Sants. Still he was so very ordinary in appearance... I really wondered
what it was about him that was special. Then he looked my way. He looked deeply into my eyes. I felt as if he was reading
my soul. Still that sort of thing
had happened with Sat Kartar Singh, I wasn't giving this so called Sant any breaks.
After
the program, we were preparing to return home. Just as we were leaving, Sat Kartar Singh touched my shoulder.
Sant ji wants
you to remain the night with him. We will sleep now, do AMrit vela in the morning, then he wishes
to interview you. My heart skipped a beat. "Calm down I told my self, Nothing special has happened."
I was one
of the first up, I didn't like waiting for the bath, so I figured best to be there first. The door opened, Sant
ji nodded to me on his way out, as he walked past.
When I reached for simran, It was very black, and I could see nothing
at all. I groped along the wall, until I bumped someone with my foot, then sat down. Waheguru Waheguru Waheguru,
all my fatigue, from the day before, hit me. wahe guru waheguru waheguru. I felt my self slipping, I propped my back
against the wall.
waheguru waheguru waheguru.
I saw a figure standing in front of me. There was a light
glowing round his head. I looked closer, It was the Sant, he was carrying
something on his head. He
turned and looked into my eyes, and motioned me to follow him. We walked through the dark streets, then
I saw my
house ahead. Suddenly the Santdisappeared, my head felt very heavy, I reached up and felt something, a package of some
sort, wrapped in cloth and heavy, I began to feel light headed from the weight, I felt as if I was floating, As though the
weight was an
anchor being drawn up, and I was attached to it. Then I burst into the light, it was blindingly bright.
I put my hands to my eyes, to shut out the light, Waheguru Waheguru Waheguru Waheguru Waheguru. I opened my eyes, everyone
was standing for prakash, I must have dozed off and been dreaming.
Sat Kartar Singh told me "Sant ji wants to come
to your home." I wondered how they communicated, Sant ji seemed like a silent Sant to me, I never saw him speak.
It crossed my mind that I wouldn't be going out to the fields today.
Since it was early, The Sant procession
was small, only a few, 5 or so, Singhs followed him as we went towards my home. Still I hadn't heard him say a
word, The others were singhing "Dhan Dhan Siri Guru Granth Sahib Ji", When we reached the house a man was standing
in front. He was dressed in a blue robe, with a yellow sash and he had a package on his head like the One in my dream.
The
strangest feeling came over me, I began to tingle and a shiver traveled up my back. There was a trunk beside him. Inside,
one room
had been cleared out. Some how my wife hadreached home ahead of me and was scurrying about. Bibi
ji was looking a bit mysterious I
thought, calmly giving directions. The trunk was opened, A canopy was hung,
a small platform assembled, pillows and draperies, assembled. I smelled prashad cooking, I got that feeling again
of tears welling up, choking me. Then the Sant entered the room, he began to recite Ardaas,
"So, he does speak," I
thought irreverently.
The Singh in blue came in and knelt down. He removed the package from his head, set it gently
on the platform and unwrapped it. Then
he motioned me to come and sit beside him. After he took the hukam nama he
spoke to me, "These words mean *Every moment thou nurseth me as Thy little child*". There was just ONE line.
to be
continued...
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