I love it when you watch a show in repeats and you know what's going on with all the character arcs and sub-plots, especially when you're watching with someone who doesn't know. You feel kind of plugged-in and involved.

A really good example of this is "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine". They had a lot of shows that would have been really hard to watch if I hadn't watched all of the shows that came before.

"X-Files" is like that too. So much so that I can't even watch it.

Shows can get really boring without them, when all the characters stay the same and nothing ever changes. On the other hand, it can be overdone.

I kind of wish my life was more like "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine". At least in the sense that interesting things happened to me, not so much that my home was surrounded by hostile aliens. Sometimes I get the feeling that an alien watching my life would be thinking "Doesn't this guy ever do anything?"

Or if I had an interesting job maybe I could keep the aliens attention, like on "Law & Order" where every show is just about the case, the job, you know? You hardly need sub-plots or character development anyway, because you don't know anything about the characters to begin with. Then at least the aliens would be interested. But it also means that I could be replaced and they wouldn't even notice.

Would my life be a sitcom? A drama? Probably more like a comedy. I wouldn't even be the main character, either. I would be more like the wacky neighbor.

I don't know whether aliens would accept me as an average guy or not. Maybe they could do a thing like that new show "24" where every hourlong episode is like an hour of my life. Except that I spend a third of that time asleep, and at least an hour a day driving to and from work. And I also eat, watch TV, and go to the bathroom, which people on TV don't. The problem is, if they only took the interesting parts of my life, each episode would probably cover a whole year. Or more.

If my life was like "Star Trek", then I would be like one of the red shirts who walked by in the background or gets killed before the first commercial. Or like when Kirk and some alien both land on the same weird planet and get in some big fight, I would be the idiot who lived there standing around going "Who are you? What's going on?"

I'm sure lots of people consider their lives dull and meaningless. That's not what I'm talking about. My life may be dull, but it's not meaningless. Not to me, at least, but I am probably boring the aliens to tears.

I have to wonder if even people like race car drivers and astronauts and movie stars think sometimes that their lives are dull and meaningless. How much time, for example, does a race car driver spend actually racing cars as opposed to, say, talking about racing cars or riding in a big tour bus on the way to a car race or posing for cardboard cut-outs to stand up by a Slim Jim display at the Piggly Wiggly? And how much time does an astronaut actually spend in space as opposed to grueling physical training to get there? And who wants to live in a tiny, cramped space where all your food is mushed up?

I reckon I could always be a lifeguard, like on "Baywatch". They seem to spend very little time staring out at the waves with zinc oxide on their noses waiting for something to do, and a great deal of time dating each other and sunbathers in bikinis, rescuing people, and saying things like "Lifeguarding is in my blood."

Cops and lawyers are really popular on TV. When I was a kid, reporters and private eyes were really big, too, although you don't see them much today.

If there was a job that was non-stop action and excitement, no one would do it. Especially a job like cop or lifeguard or private eye that didn't pay anything. I sure wouldn't. I like my life just like it is, dull and as devoid of human contact as possible.

My life doesn't have story arcs and character development. I'm pretty much the way I am and my life pretty much is what it is, and at the end of the day my life is pretty much the same as it was at the start of the day. So the aliens are either really, really bored watching me or else they are entertained by strange alien crap that we just don't understand.

Is this realization a mid-life crisis? Should I be depressed and full of self-doubt? Having an affair with a college student and driving around in a little sports car? Aside from the fact that my dull, ordinary life doesn't include a little sports car or an offshore account, and the fact that I don't come into frequent contact with any college students (let alone ones that would give me a second glance), I just don't feel that way. I'm pretty much happy the way things are.