Cats and Time Travelers

There's a commercial on TV that says something like 1 in 12 cats are infected with FIV, the feline version of HIV. My first thought upon seeing this commercial is, wow, someone has to care about cats an awful lot to pay for commercial time to talk about a disease that only affects cats. My second thought was, wow, those people are really stupid. And finally, it occurred to me that this is what happened on Planet of The Apes: when all the dogs and cats died, people started taking apes as pets and then the apes took over. So maybe that's why people are spending money on this commercial, to prevent the earth from being over-run by talking apes. Maybe its a group headed by a time-traveler from an ape-dominated future who came back to prevent the apes' rise to power. If this is true, I have reason to believe that their next target will be that gorilla in California who knows sign language.

I don't think its a good idea to teach gorillas sign language anyway. Its like Tarzan in reverse. Let them develop their own language. Did you know that ape has a pet cat? Thats kind of ironic.

I wonder if the time-traveler has anything to do with keeping people from going to the moon? You know, the whole space program thing I was writing about on Sunday. Maybe he doesn't want Charlton Heston coming to the future. I'm not sure I would want Charlton Heston coming to the future, either, if I lived there.

He wasn't a very smart astronaut. Very little is shown of him and his friends inside their spaceship, just a few minutes at the beginning of the first movie. But in it, he's smoking a cigar. In his spaceship. A cigar. Which may not be the stupidest thing I've ever heard, but it sure goes a long way towards explaining how apes came to take over his planet to begin with. He obviously didn't graduate Spacecamp.

Spacecamp seems like a rip-off anyway. They put you in a gravity chair and bounce you up and down. They put you in a centrifuge and spin you all around. I imagine its a lot like being a baby in a Johnny-Jump-Up or one of those spinning carousel toys. But I guess being a baby is a lot like being an astronaut, anyway. You're always getting thrown up in the air and spun around. You're used to being confined in a small space for long periods of time. And, all your food has to be mushed up.

Some things we eat are actually pretty disgusting if you think about it. Milk is kind of gross. Cheese is really gross. Eggs are gross too. When you think about where all these things come from, I mean.

Star Trek Jokes

These jokes don't mean anything, but you can tell them to your Trekkie friends and then laugh real loud. They won't get them and you can feel superior.

What do you get when you cross a Denebrian Sheep Vole with a Romulan Proconsul?
A Vulcan Seltar with a bad attitude

How many chief engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three: One to reconfigure the phase shift variance in the plasma induction coils, one to align the ventral warp field emitter with the quantum duodynetic transponder array on the central dilithium chamber, and one to localize the algorithmic subroutines in the main deflector dish.

What goes thump-scream-snore, thump-scream-snore?
A narcoleptic Klingon targ with a Vulcan logic stick in his blow-hole

What's the difference between a Horta and a Vorta?
80,000 parsecs

What did Malthor take with him to the Robot Wars on Kalthius Prime?
A Phase Modulation Inducer with an amplitude of 7.406