Did you ever meet a woman who just fascinated you and you wanted to know her and be closer to her, and
so you try to talk to her and maybe even imagine that you may be impressing her but then find out that she thinks you're gay
or retarded? It's not that I have anything against gay or retarded people, but I just don't want women thinking that
I am gay or retarded, especially when I want that woman to like me. Because even when women think I'm smart
and heterosexual, none of them want to go out with me; I'm thinking that having them all think I'm gay and retarded wouldn't
help much.
Anyway, I know this one chick and she really does fascinate me, and I really would like to know her better, although
I'm relatively sure that the fact she thought I was gay is a pretty good indicator that she has no interest in me. I
told her that I am so totally not gay, and so totally into chicks, that I am heterosexual enough to even be two
guys. But after assuring her I was not gay, I'm pretty sure that she now thinks I'm retarded.
This chick saw me hanging out with a friend of mine who also is totally not gay, but, in fairness to her, he does look
kind of gay. In a kind of Tony Orlando lounge singer way. At least, he looks way more gay than I do. Though he did tell
me that if he was gay, I wouldn't be his type. And all at once I felt rejected and relieved and wanted to stick my fingers
in my ears and go "La la la la la" and never think about this ever again.
In a similar vein, I'm sure that gay guys don't want other guys thinking they're straight, or anyway if I were gay I
probably wouldn't. But, like I said, imagining what my life would be like if I was gay really, seriously creeps
me out. In this sense, I may even be homophobic, because I'm afraid that people will think I'm gay, and I'm also afraid that
gay people will kick my ass for no reason. It's irrational, I know, but I know this one guy who is so afraid of street
mimes that once he left a baseball game because he thought he saw one at the entrance (note: the story you have
just read is true, but details have been changed to protect the innocent). And when I think about that, maybe it doesn't
seem so weird.
As bad as I was at being married, I'm even worse at being single.