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For years everyone said that Pluto was a planet and then last year they said it wasn't. I don't know who "they" are,
really, but it seems like a sweet job to get to be King of All The Planets and sit around saying who gets to be a planet and
who doesn't. I know there was a lot of debate about it, but I don't know how the debate happened or where it took place. I
think when scientists debate things, they just write these sarcastic papers in science journals and not dress up in suits
and make fun of each other like politicians do.
What makes something a planet, and why don't we say that all these asteroids are just asteroids and not planets?
I wish I was King of The Planets and got to say what were planets and what weren't. There would be like a thousand planets
because I would never be able to say "no" to anyone who asked me what was a planet.
I would make one of the new planets Britney Spears, and I would also make the real Britney Spears her own planet. I mean,
she could walk around on earth and still live here, but she would have all her own rules and her own gravity and stuff because
she would be her own planet. But she would probably have to change her name because otherwise people would confuse her with
the planet in outer space that was named Britney Spears.
I love Britney Spears even though I know I shouldn't, and the more insane shit that she does just makes her more awesome
to me. If I was friends with her in real life, I would tell her to never apologize to anyone for anything and to flip off
anyone who ever criticized her. Except she should wear underwear and not be all freaky around her kids, but other than that,
ROCK ON!
Anyway, I'm kind of glad that Pluto isn't a planet even though I kind of feel bad for anyone who ever wanted to live
there. I know there must be people who do, and maybe they have websites and clubs and secret meetings that seem insane to
you and me, but no more insane, I think, than the people who believe that the earth is flat.
I like to consider myself fairly open-minded but I'm pretty set in my belief that the Earth is round, even though I've
never been to space to see it for myself. It would have to be a pretty massive conspiracy to have fooled everyone for like
the last 1500 years. Everyone who's ever worked for NASA would have to be in on it, and not only that, but they'd have to
have never told anyone else. The Pope would have to be so deep in on it that just a few years ago he issued a public apology
to Gallileo for killing him a million years ago, knowing the whole time that he was right all along.
I don't think I will ever get to go into space to see for myself but I imagine that when I die, all the secrets of the
universe will be made known to me, and I will be super pissed if it turns out that the Earth has been flat all this whole
time and everyone has been lying to us. Especially about the moon landing.
If I ever get to be King of The Planets, this will be the first thing I will set straight for all the Flat Earth people.
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