My girlfriend says that I have intimacy issues and trouble expressing my emotions, and I just shrugged and went "Whatever."
I said that knowing, of course, that it was the absolute worst response to her, but I suspect that her complaints were only
meant to motivate me in some way, or elicit an emotional response. At the age of 42, I find emotional responses exhausting
and while I am fully capable of them, and frequently, it's a bit much to ask for one on cue.
Back in my drinking days, my dumb friend Dan would vomit if he even smelled mustard while he was drinking, so when we
all went out we'd have contests to see who could get him to vomit first. There was definitely a process, of
- Dan,
- Alcohol
- Mustard,
- Vomit,
- Laugh
It wasn't as fun as it sounds, but it was something to do.
My point is, I do have deep feelings about a lot of things, but there is no emotional mustard that can make me vomit
them up on cue just because some chick wants me to.
There are some things that make me react emotionally, like Buddy Holly, certain episodes of Quantum Leap, Hallmark
commercials, puppies, Adrienne, needless suffering and injustice, and sometimes pudding. Don't ask.
So it's not that I don't have deep emotions, really, it's just that I don't seem to have them about all the right things
at all the right times or express them in the right ways. It doesn't mean I don't love someone. Maybe I'm repressed.
Whatever.
