Highlands Ranch High School
Mothers Throughout History
Mona Lisa's Mother:
Paul Revere's Mother: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew."
George Washington's Mother:
Abraham Lincoln's Mother:
Thomas Edison's Mother:
Albert Einstein's Mother:
Just Do It!
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. "Justin," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'?" Justin answered the correct airline.
"Sandra, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Sandra answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty.
"Now Allison, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?" And Allison answered, "Mom..."
Sage Medieval Astrologer
A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later.
The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and commanded him: "Tell me when you will die!"
The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him immediately, no matter what answer he gave. "I do not know when I will die," he answered finally. "I only know that whenever I do die, you will die two days later."
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It takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. It only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack someone upside the head.
An Aspiring Writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
When I told my friend I wanted a Thesaurus for my birthday, he said, "Don't be silly, they've been dead for millions of years!"
Q: What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
A: "Satisfaction guaranteed or your mummy back!"
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing."
Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars please return to class."
Words of Wisdom
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
"I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes."
- Steven Wright
His qualifications as a math teacher just didn't add up.
Highlands Ranch High School 9375 South Cresthill Lane Highlands Ranch, Colorado 80126 303-471-7000